Making the Most of Our Why

Yesterday marked a year since I moved to NYC. Over the last several weeks I’ve had some encounters and experiences that have shed some light on this journey and the way it has all unfolded. 

I found myself on the UWS the other day doing an IV drip in an apartment looking out onto New Jersey. I realized I was right across the exact location where I used to sit in Jersey when I would come up north. I would sit between these huge pillars (I spotted that landmark) and just stare out at the city. I always felt drawn to it- that the city was where I belonged. It was always my happy place. When I decided to make this move, I looked out onto the city one last time and wondered how it would go. 

As I sat there looking back at that place- and looking back at myself- my client put on the Netflix documentary “Moses.” She started to talk about the Bible, G-d, faith, how Moses was chosen and didn’t even believe in himself, how he never got to see the Promised Land, how people experience pain, and what that means. Where does it take us? She told me that she felt G-d wasn’t present in her life the way He used to be. I told her I know exactly how that feels. I told her that I’m Jewish and that although I don’t have all the answers, I do believe that everything in life is a test that is meant to make us greater and that G-d wants a relationship with us. Everything we experience is a conversation with Him- the blessings and the challenges. Respond to them with prayer, reflection, and faith. I truly believe this because I see it in my life and I think if you think about it you’ll see that truth in your life as well.

I realized that every experience I had sitting by those pillars in Jersey has led me to this moment and every other moment when I have had these connections where I look back on my personal experiences which have allowed me this understanding. Just as someone had told me something the other week that I needed to hear and that they felt they were meant to tell me- this time I shared what someone else needed to hear and I was meant to be there to tell her. This year was about learning this lesson and here I was passing it on.

God constantly slowly shows us why He plans things out the way He does. Every experience we have is G-d communicating with us, and that understanding finally clicked for me. We just have to be open to that conversation. We have to involve ourselves. 

As I walked out the door, I felt the close of a chapter. This last chapter was about understanding WHY. Now that I know the why, this next chapter is about understanding HOW. How do I make the most of the why? 

How do you make the most of your why?

There Is Good To Come

Two weeks on Shabbat before going to sleep I asked G-d to give me a sign that I am on the right path in life and that He is guiding me in the right direction even when it may not seem so. With all the craziness in the world and uncertainty these days, others are also starting to think more about their choices and actions. Although I believe that G-d communicates with us through every occurrence in our lives, it’s easy to forget that even the seemingly small messages hold weight.

The next day someone gave a speech in synagogue. He touched on the idea that there is so much good to come that we don’t even know about. Life leads us to wonderful things we can’t even imagine. Then the rabbi started talking about how G-d does everything with purpose and love and looks out for us every step of the way. We shouldn’t worry but rather should have trust and faith- emunah and bitachon.

When I got home, I decided to read a book I had last read months ago. I left off randomly in the middle of that chapter. The exact spot I began to read said the following: Majority of the defining events in Abraham’s life occured when he was over 70. When we read the Torah we don’t even focus on many of the events that occurred in his younger years. Some of the most monumental and defining experiences happened later on his life. G-d doesn’t forget you and you’re not running behind. Just because you might not be where you believe you are meant to be at this point in time, it doesn’t mean you’re not on the right path. We have to get to where we are ready and meant to be, to experience everything else that is yet to come. The text literally said, “don’t worry…you are where you need to be.”

As we head into Shabbat, during which we refrain from creating and planning so that we can devote time to our relationship with Hashem, this is an important reminder that I want to share: there is a greater plan and purpose. Even when things seem confusing, they’re not. We just can’t see the bigger picture. We are where we need to be. There is good to come. We just have to be able to see it.

My Most Monumental Year Yet

 Well, it's been a year since I last wrote a blog post and let's just say there has been hell of a lot of content that I never got to write out and process because everything was utter chaos. 

The funny thing is how much I actually love chaos. I've learned that I actually function well in chaos. 

As a kid, I always had two major fears: change and the unknown. You might be thinking that everyone has those fears. However, when you struggle with chronic anxiety, absolutely everything is dramatically augmented. So when I say "fears," I mean chronic panic, stress, and fight or flight response modes. 

That's the first point I want to make. I went from living with chronic anxiety that made me physically sick and unable to function- to appreciating and mastering those things that fermented my anxiety in the first place. As I have gotten older, I have seen the bigger picture of my life and why things have had to happen the way they did. All of those challenges and hardships have led to my being able to conquer the very next thing. If not for those previous challenges, I wouldn't be able to proudly stand here today and say I made it. 

The way that life seems to work (oftentimes) is that once you overcome one challenge, the next one pops up. Often the next challenge is even harder than the previous. If not, then we are even better equipped to handle those issues that make their way in our direction. We don't always understand why we must face these things. It's frustrating. 

For me, I have seen how each challenge has better prepared me for the next and made me into the person I know I must be if I want to lead the life I desire. I am sure that if you pan out all the things you had to overcome throughout your lifetime, you will come to the same conclusion about your life experience. 

This year was the hardest year of my life. 

The crazy thing is that in the end, I have come to realize that while everything seemed to be falling apart... everything was actually coming together in the most amazing and beautiful way possible. 

I was actually blessed to experience those challenges because the alternatives would have been way worse. And half the time I didn't even have to do the work. I just had to step back, have faith in G-d and the journey He had paved for me, and follow my gut.

I have always known what I wanted in life. Usually, I can tackle hurdles head-on. I am not afraid to keep trying something repeatedly when I have my eye on the prize and I can see it so clearly even if it's not already present in my life. 

However, I got to a place where I was settling for less than I knew I deserved. I was setting for less out of those around me, my day-to-day experiences, environments, and energy. I was willing to accept people and things that didn't serve me or allow me to reach my full potential. And when I was unsure of how to let those people and things go, G-d made it easy and freed me from that which I didn't know how to walk away from. 

The crazy thing is that G-d gave me the exact amount of time I had prayed for. When that time was up, He opened up a pathway for me that was greater than I could have ever imagined. 

Imagine being so upset about something, only to then realize that it was the greatest blessing and you got what you actually wanted all along. You were holding onto something that you thought was the answer when all along you had to let that thing go so that you can actually have what you want. It's just on the other side of taking a leap of faith, demanding better for yourself, and following your intuition.

This part of my life taught me to stop fighting the currents of life. I am so stubborn (a true Taurus) and sometimes it hinders me. Be patient. I didn't let G-d finish His sentence and I was already frustrated and throwing tantrums. 

I have had the opportunity to be and see places and things I thought I would only get to experience many years from now, if ever. G-d literally plucked me out of a place where I wasn't happy anyway and put me exactly where I wanted to be all along- with the very people, opportunities, and experiences I had been praying for. I am still in shock about how perfectly my life came together after what seemed and felt like the worst storm. 

I write this now because it took me this long to realize all of this. 

I don't blame myself. This year was literally nonstop for me. 

Then I found myself sitting in my apartment today, not able to sit still because I have gotten so used to having something that I need to do. I finally let myself shut everything off- the phone, the iPad, the laptop... and just be. Process. The craziest year of my life has come to a close. It feels refreshing. Even better, I got to end off this year around people I love, in my favorite city, while working my dream jobs, and being everything I ever desired. While speaking to a friend right after the clock struck 12, he asked me if I felt like I had bounced back from the challenges I experienced throughout the year. At that moment, processing everything around me and feeling the immense joy and gratitude I felt for it all, I was so happy to finally be able to say yes. 

I am in awe of how things work in life. Like how does so much pain and sadness lead to so much happiness and fulfillment? I might not have the full answer right now, but I am so grateful I have had the opportunity to learn this now, at such a young age. Now I can move forward in life with more confidence and trust, knowing that even when things seem unbearable, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will be more beautiful and freeing than where I was coming from. 

If I ask for something and work towards it, I will find a way to it. The journey might not be easy, but it's absolutely worth it when you find what; 's on the other end of it. 

It's funny because when 2023 came, I really thought it was going to be my year. I was so excited. I couldn't understand how my positivity and effort towards growth and happiness led to such unhappiness. Then I realized that this really was my year. 

It was the year I fell in love with myself. It was the year I became the most confident I have ever been. It was the year I learned and grew tremendously in every aspect- academically, in my career, personally, in my relationships, and even spiritually. I have done so many things I wanted to do but was too scared to do.  It was the year I met some of the most impactful and healing people- people with whom I needed to cross paths for a reason. It was the year I loved my coworkers and my friends, and every moment was filled with excitement and mystery. Running into celebrities and getting to meet some of the most inspiring people whom I've been following for years. Getting to be in what feels like the center of the world to me. 

Thank You G-d. 

Everyone is posting their ins and outs for 2024 and here are some of mine:

Out: jumping to conclusions, being impatient, tolerating people and things that hinder my growth and happiness, negativity and bad energy

In: trusting G-d, daily prayer, expressing more gratitude, time with people I love and appreciate, following my gut and listening to my intuition, being kind to myself 

Here is to another year filled with magic, success, and growth. 

Let Go of Control

For the longest time I struggled to let go of needing to control even things that I knew I had no control over. 

I would work myself to exhaustion, not allow myself to fully enjoy any breaks from my hard work, and would feel guilty whenever I wasn’t being “productive.”

Because I was so hard on myself, I would never feel a sense of fulfillment. No matter how hard I worked. I found myself completely unhappy, and even desperate for that self acceptance that I would never get while stuck in that mindset. 

A lot of the lessons that I have learned in life, I have learned through those around me. As I always say, other people are our second greatest teachers. The greatest teacher is life itself. 

And I have learned from both other people and from life, that working yourself beyond full capacity and trying to control everything in the process, is never going to lead to fulfillment and happiness.

I realized that the people who would put in their honest effort, and then step back and let everything else work out for them, were the happiest and the ones who usually actually had things work out for them. 

Once I learned to let go, I became a much happier and healthier person. 

But it took me several years to be able to get to that point in life. 

I started living by the idea that the universe has my back. And since I have been able to truly believe and live that, I have seen so much more from life. 

I started truly living by the fact that everything is always really working out for me as long as I am putting in my honest effort and taking aligned action.

I have a newfound sense of peace and self-love. I have a newfound love for life itself. I don’t wake up in the morning with severe anxiety. I wake up looking forward to all the things that I will get to do- all the things I love and that bring me purpose.

All because of a mindset shift.

How to focus on your personal journey through life

 ✨Everyone is different (has different skills, strengths and weaknesses) and therefore have different paths. Don't compare yourself.

✨You are unique- you are the only person who has your life. Look at your strengths and weaknesses to better understand what your purpose might be.

✨Everyone has different challenges and obstacles so just because someone else has something that you don’t, it doesn’t mean that he or she is better than you. You may have different circumstances. Instead of asking "why not me," ask, "how can that be me too?"

✨Your life is about building yourself so build yourself to become the person you always wanted to be. In the meantime, try to build others up with you.

✨Learn from others- if someone has something you want (for example, a trait), work towards achieving it. Ask them for mentorship or advice. See what they might be doing right, and try to model that. You will actually find yourself appreciating this person, rather than feeling envy towards him or her.

✨Make a list of all the things you desire. Doing this will help you to stay focused. It will keep you going when things get tough. Additionally, write down WHY you want those things. Refer back to this list when you don't feel motivated or when you feel like giving up.

✨Make a list of things to do when you are bored, so that you never find yourself sitting around thinking about things that really don’t matter to you. the good thing about being busy is that you don't have time to waste on things that are unimportant. Focus on the things that keep you happy and productive. This list can include going for a walk, spending time with someone you love, reading a book on your reading list, researching that topic you wanted to the other day but didn't have a chance to explore, or tidying up your personal space.

The Message You Need to Hear

Is there something you have been wanting or needing to do, but your fear or excuses have been holding you back?

Perhaps you're telling yourself that you need to learn more first, or that you don't have your "plan" figured out. 

Maybe you keep telling yourself that you'll start tomorrow, or when you feel "ready."

Well, guess what...

It is time that you STOP waiting. 

Simply start.

Often times, the first step is the scariest. Often times, it's also the hardest.

What I have learned is that I really only truly learn and overcome fear when I'm actually taking action.
Also, it is the action I am afraid to take that often liberates me. Once I take the first step, everything else becomes less scary and feels way more attainable. 

One reminder that has always helped me to take the first step, is that the world won't end if things don't work out as expected. The sun will still rise and and set. Life will still go on. New opportunities and ideas will still come to you. 

I would rather look back and say, "at least I tried," instead of thinking, "what if I tried?"
So here are some ways to take that first step if you have been holding yourself back:

1. Write out an action plan. What are your first, second and third steps?
2. Work backwards. Think about end goal and meditate on what you needed to do to get there. 
3. Hold yourself accountable or have someone else hold you accountable and hold you to your word and commitment to taking action. 
4. Write yourself reminders and place them where you are sure to see them.

The Most Important Step I Have Ever Taken

 📚I am currently reading "No Excuses!" by Brian Tracy, a world-renown motivational speaker, and self-development author. He discusses several ways to become more disciplined in order to ultimately reach your dreams and goals.

Write out a list of things you want to achieve within the next year, 5 years, and 10 years... whatever you want.

✨Then under each goal, write out 1, 2, or more actions you need to take to achieve that goal. 

📝Along with this list, write out a list of character traits you want to possess. If you were to be 100% happy with yourself, what characteristics would you have? If you were to envision the best version of yourself, how would you and others describe you?

💡Then decide that you are willing to work hard for these things. Decide that you are going to put in an active effort to make these goals and dreams a reality. Decide that you are going to view your goals and dreams as actual plans.

And remember this: Dreams don't work unless you do and happiness comes when your life aligns with your blueprint.

Download my personal development workbook for more personal assistance! It will walk you through 30 days of staying on track with your goals!

Living as the Highest Versions of Ourselves

Well, it's been 3 months since I've written a blog post. That's how I know I've been truly busy. 

There are so many experiences I've had in such a short period of time. Where to begin?

So much I have learned- things I have realized, accepted, changed, applied to my life, let go of...

I want to share one realization/experience. 

The other week, I experienced a moment of intense truth. Perhaps an epiphany. Not quite sure. 

I was exhausted.
Exhausted from all the noise. Noise from thoughts playing over and over in my head, focusing on external things, social media, other people, trying to figure out if I'm doing well, trying to find myself in various settings of my life that are all so contrasting. I feel like 3 different people. I can't be the same person in all the settings in which I exist. Or at least I don't know how to be. That's something I'm still trying to figure out. 

Through all the chaos, I lost my clarity. 

I couldn't hear myself trying to pipe through all the static that was everything around me. 

As I took a moment to say Maariv (evening prayer), I paused to share some of my thoughts with G-d. Except I couldn't find words. And even if I could, I didn't want to speak them. Because words couldn't express what I was feeling. 

I felt stuck. 

And what I suddenly thought to myself was: I want to find myself. 

Not find myself in what I do or how I spend my time, my career, job, friends or religion. 

No. I wanted to find who I am at my core. 

So I got very quiet and let everything else go. I let go of what I was feeling on the outside, who I was with, where I was before, and where I was going afterward. 

I suddenly found myself so in tune with the reality of who I really am- my true desires, goals, and aspirations... my clarity, internal compass... the voice that had been trying so hard to be heard. 

My energy healer once told me that the voice we need to listen to is often the one that is quieter. 

I was finally able to hear that voice. 

I knew it was that voice because for the first time in a long time I felt free. I felt happy and grateful. Even things that had upset me... I was just so grateful they happened because I understood they helped me to grow. I suddenly felt full. Full of joy, pride, and happiness. What had been pain suddenly became inspirational. What had been sadness suddenly became happiness. I felt honesty, forgiveness, truth, and self-love. 

I was so happy, I began to cry. I just thought, "Oh my gosh, this is what I have been looking and waiting for. This is the truth. This is where I want to stay." 

I cried mostly because I realized just how much I truly loved that person. 

Just how truly I loved myself. 

When I was finally able to reach and meet her... and be her for a moment, I wanted to continue to exist as her. Rather than existing as a version of myself molded by falsity. Rather than exiting as the version who needed to fit into other people's definitions of "normal" or "acceptable."

As I came back to grounding myself to where I was in that moment- surrounded by other people and not in the right environment to cry hysterically (and either way how could I explain all this to someone who could've asked me why I was seemingly upset)- I had to disconnect myself from that highest version of myself. 

At that moment, I couldn't embrace her without being emotional. 

But I was so happy to know that she would be there (just as she had been there all along), for when I could reconnect and grow closer and closer to her until I would be her. 

That brought me to today. I saw a journal prompt that asked: how can I love myself even deeper?

And my response came to me suddenly: I can love myself more deeply by genuinely embracing who and what I am by turning inwards to inquire what my true and highest self would do, how she would react, what she would say and choose... because I love who I truly am and I can actively continue to love myself by embracing life (with its loves and losses) through her. If I am the highest version of myself who I love, how could I not love myself?  If anything, I will love myself more than I ever have. 

As the highest version of myself, I will not chase. I will attract. I will be kind, giving, understanding, and genuine. I will follow my own lead, instead of following another's. I will do what is right for me, instead of seeking direction and guidance from others who cannot offer it to me. I will live by truth and clarity. 

Every choice will be made by me as the highest version of myself. 

I want this, not that. 

This is right for me. That is not right for me. 

This person belongs in my life. That person does not belong in my life. 

I embrace this. I let go of that. 

These thoughts serve me. Those thoughts are being released from my mind's soundtrack. 

Be still. Be quiet. Disconnect to reconnect. 

It may take more than one try. 

But sooner or later, you will meet yourself and it will be evident. 

Your truth will be self-evident. 

You Are Not Perfect

I hate when people say things like, ”You’re perfect just the way you are. Don’t change.” 

Well, you’re not. 

I’m not saying that to hurt anyone’s feeling, to be rude, or to sound negative…

I’m not saying that you aren’t amazing. I’m sure you’re all wonderful people. 

However, we as humans are not perfect, are not meant to be, and never will be. 

Imperfection, actually, is a beautiful thing because it gives us opportunity to grow and develop ourselves.

That doesn’t mean you need to change how you look, your hobbies, your sense of humor. 

It simply means you should seek to develop yourself on a regular basis. 

How can you be kinder, more giving, more confident in yourself and your values?

We need to stop talking about perfection as if it exists. As if it’s something we should strive for.

No. That should not be the goal. And that’s not healthy anyway.

We are here to evolve, grow and CHANGE for the better. 

We are here to improve ourselves and overcome our challenges through knowledge and wisdom. 

Instead of telling each other that we’re perfect and don’t need to change (these are empty words anyway and really don’t actually mean anything), let’s say something more impactful like, “You’re a valuable human being with a lot to offer the world and those around you. You’re focusing on being the best version of yourself and that is a beautiful thing. Keep going.”

The Limits of Self Help

I am currently reading “Morality” by the late leading philosopher, theologian and intellectual Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks.  

Sacks posits that the rise in public discourse, identity politics and extremism that have deepened social divisions, the breaking of close family ties, and the seemingly all-pervading influence of social media are due to our loss of a strong, shared moral code and our elevation of self interest over the common good. 
I am only on the second chapter but there are already a multitude of points that he has made that have provided a new and refreshing perspective for me. One of the topics he discusses is that of self help.

Sacks recalled a near-death experience he had several years prior when he almost drowned while vacationing in Italy. He realized at a certain point that he wouldn’t be able to get out of the water alone because it had become too strong for him, and even considered that it might be the end for him. If not for a total stranger, he wouldn’t have made it that day. In that moment, “self help” was a means to only the ultimate end. 

This is obviously an extreme example, but a fair one to make his point:
“If I look back at my life, I discovered that it was always someone else who sent me on a new trajectory. I suspect the same is true for most people. Someone who was there when we needed it, who listened as we poured out our problems, who gave us the encouraging word when we were about to give up, who believed in us more than we believe in ourselves. Or maybe it was actually someone who looked us in the eye and told us the honest truth: that we were self obsessed, that we were wallowing in our motions, that instead of thinking about how to develop the mindset to achieve great things, we should stop reading and start doing. Help, I have found time and time again, comes not from the self, but from others.”

My journey has fostered a strong desire within me to delve into personal development and conditioning. I used to think that I had to do everything myself (and that it had to be hard), but one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that some of the greatest teachers are simply the people around us. And that it is absolutely imperative that I engage myself in the process of learning from those around me. My main example (which I didn’t realize until recently) is my sister, from whom I learned even the most basic skills. I write a lot about anxiety, and social anxiety in particular was something I really struggled with as a kid and teenager. I literally did not know how to be social. I didn’t know how to conduct myself without feeling painfully awkward and uncomfortable. I was able to develop my social skills by studying my sister’s social skills (she was always the social butterfly). So much so that at a certain point people would tell me I had her mannerisms. 

Point is that all of the self help books and google searches in the world couldn’t help me the way that my sister could (and I don’t think she ever even knew it). At a certain point we have to realize that self help is a wonderful tool, but we need more. 

I will close this by bringing this full circle with my previous point about the breaking of personal ties and the increase in public discourse… how much more so can we close this divide if we simply learn to learn from each other. 

There Is No Room to Be Angry About the Struggle

 “As long as you are alive, you are going to experience struggle- and that is okay. Reward yourself for your victories and be honest about your failings. But there is no room to be angry about the struggle itself; that’s how it is meant to be.”

When I read this excerpt in “What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid” by Michal Oshman, who is the head of culture at TikTok Europe and former leadership expert at Facebook, I felt very impacted by it. 

Just like many others, anxiety has always been a majorly present factor in my life. In particular, I have always felt the need to control and understand everything. And if I couldn’t… fear and panic would take over. Over time, I learned to manage and cope. However, I couldn’t truly just let go of needing control over what and how things happen.

There have been several major “aha” moments in my life, and this was one of them. It was one of those moments where all of a sudden so many things made sense, and I couldn’t have come to this understanding and conclusion if not for all of the things that I experienced that I previously could not understand why I had to struggle through them. What a paradox! 

All of a sudden so many things I was constantly questioning their necessity and why they had to happen…. were actually exactly what I needed to come to learn this major lesson in my life that seems to be the key to my understanding it all. In a sense, the answers I have been seeking were hidden within the chaos and confusion itself.

I am even going to be so bold as to claim that the answers ARE the chaos and confusion. How?

Because they are exactly what we need and are meant to experience. Instead of questioning why we go through certain things, we should look at occurrences- both the good and the bad- as direction regarding where we can and need to grow in life… which is what life is all about- constantly evolving. 

What I need to learn and grow through are completely different from others, and vice versa. Which is another reason why comparison to others makes actual zero sense. 

💡The answers are within the questions themselves. You just have to get to that point where you can be a vessel to understand the truth. Meaning, you absolutely must work through the chaos to even be able to understand that which you desire to understand. I have always heard that “things are how they are meant to be” but it sounded so cliche to me. Even though I believe in G-d and that things happen for a reason and everyone has a purpose and particular mission…. I didn’t really internalize  and conceptualize what that meant…. until this moment. 

👉🏻 It’s true that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. For a very long time I had been trying to internalize this message and live by it, but I couldn’t. It didn’t really make sense to me though I felt like it should. But when you can internalize that things are as they are meant to be and so there is really no need to dread or fight the struggle, you can understand that if that is true…. then it only makes sense that everything really does happen for you and not to you because things are supposed to be that certain way (often times for reasons we won’t understand and that’s okay). If xyz are supposed to be part of your life, it’s good that they’re there. Which leads me to my next point. 

🗣 Everything in our lives is here to teach us a lesson, help us grow, and make us who we are supposed to be. I believe I have my particular strengths because I am meant to play a certain role and complete a particular mission in this world. So too for everyone else. 

It’s so simple and undeniably true. 

But not until you can get to the point of understanding it.

And the only way to get there is to work through your own personal struggles and fears and shortcomings (though it sometimes sucks 😢). 

Even when things seem to be complicated, they’re not. They’re simply what they are and we just need to understand that things are meant to be a certain way… and so they will be… and that’s okay. That’s part of our journey. 

Which also made me realize how much I’ve overcomplicated things, though then again I am only human after all 🤷🏻‍♀️. 

And if that’s the case, then the final conclusion is that we are to give up trying to have full control while focusing on what we can change, find the lessons within the struggles so as to learn and grow from them, and simply enjoy life for everything it is and isn’t meant to be. 

There’s nothing to argue or hate or be angry about. 

It quite simply is. 

And there is so much undeniable peace in that. 

———————————

I will conclude this by sharing the serenity prayer, with which I am absolutely obsessed: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Question Your Thoughts // The Work by Byron Katie

Is this thought true? 

Can I know for sure that it’s true? 

Who would I be without this thought? 💭

Questioning our thoughts, especially when they’re negative, is so important. 

It also helps us to notice what bothers us and, on the other hand, what makes us happy. We learn more about ourselves in the process of questioning. 

Because at the end of the day our thoughts don’t define us. It’s how we react to them and what we do with them. 

To learn more about questioning your thoughts and working with them, visit thework.com for resources. Link in bio. 

Personality --> Personal Reality

Allow your personality to define your personal reality, and not your personal reality to define your personality. 🦋

Dr. Joe Dispenza is a thought leader whose work I’ve been following for several years now. He talks a lot about how people tend to relive the memories of their past by continuously thinking about their “stories” and “truths.” People tend to allow their past experiences to define how they feel, until eventually how they feel becomes how they act and show up in the world. We must think greater than we feel. It’s hard to create something new when we are stuck in the old. 

We are not our past. We are how we choose to move forward. Instead of recreating what has already happened, allow space for creation. Start off by focusing more on what you want and not what you’ve already experienced. Meditate on those things. Create character that coincides with the reality you desire. Your daydream is your new reality. ✨

Stay In Your Lane

There’s your business, other people’s business, and then there’s G-d’s business. 

Stay in your lane and out of G-d’s business. If you can’t control something, it’s not your business. Let go and let G-d. Our knowledge and foresight are limited. He knows better. No, he knows best. 

When you come to live by the fact that you can’t and don’t need to control everything, life becomes so much more enjoyable. Learn to take things as they come and let go of what doesn’t serve you. Be grateful for the challenges because they serve their role and purpose too. Appreciate everything that comes your way. It is all leading you to where you need to be🦋

Perfection Is Not a Skill and Should Not Be Our Goal

The other week I had a chance to read a bit about this week’s Parshat Vayigash on Chabad.org and came across an interesting article comparing Joseph and Judah. Of course, there is a takeaway message that we can incorporate into our lives⤵️

🤴🏻Joseph: the unofficial kind of Egypt. Has the glory that Judah lacked. Was more handsome, successful and loved. He was perfect, but his perfection was fragile. When things broke he was unable to fix them. The Torah recounts more examples of this. 

👨🏻Judah: a peasant shepherd whose shortcomings the Torah recounts over and over. However, he has the advantage of rising back up and build himself up again when he falls. This is a skill that Joseph lacks despite all his glory and wealth.

⚖️This dichotomy continues between those who are perfect until they falter, and those who mess up time after time and can still manage to rise up again.

🗝Despite how perfect someone or something might be, it won’t matter for long if it’s fleeting. That which is lasting and durable is what defines us at the end of the day. 

⚡️It’s not about with what we are born, but rather what we make of it and present it in our lives. Those who truly win are those who can endure, persevere, “deconstruct their personalities in order to reshape them,” channel low points into growth, draw wisdom and maturity from experience, and not allow their imperfections to set them back. 

Shabbat shalom! 

Make The Most Of Your Twenties

Some major points I picked up reading The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them

💥Invest in your identity capital- your individual resources, personal assets, investments you make in yourself. This is what we bring to the adult marketplace. How we solve problems, how we speak. This requires exploration. Have the nerve to make commitments that can help you build a stronger identity, be more resilient, and have a clearer sense of self and direction. 

👭Build your weak ties along with your strong ties. Having close friends is important, but it’s also a good idea to branch out to those outside of our comfort zone. Usually those are the people who know things we don’t and can help information and opportunity to spread faster. We limit ourselves when we huddle with only our close ties, the same people all the time. 

🧠 Create a sharp narrative of who you are. Build your story and identity off of your talents, experiences, desires, and plans. Claiming your identity and parts of it like your job or career isn’t the end, as people might assume and fear. It’s just the beginning. Making choices and choosing a direction in life are essential and shouldn’t be pushed off. 

💪🏼 Don’t be afraid of being challenged. You are passionate about what you do, but at times feel anxious and incompetent? Then you’re most likely in a solid, challenging, secure job where you and what you do actually matter. The twenties is a transitional period. Many of us have never held full time jobs before. Even the social expectations at work are different than usual. You probably wont get instantly complimented for your hard work. Twentsomethings find negative info more memorable than positive info, in comparison to older adults. The seat to the emotional brain- the amygdala- is more active during these years. As we get older, we feel more secure and grounded. It generally gets easier not to break or feel like a leaf being blown around by the wind. Learn to grow roots and stand in the wind. 

Students of Life

In school, we are not taught how to live life. 

We are not taught how to be happy. 

Or how to be confident.

How to make good friends or build healthy relationships.

How to choose right from wrong. 

How to make decisions.

To separate feelings and emotions from intellect and reasoning. 

If we want to learn how to be successful, happy, true to ourselves, resilient, emotionally, and spiritually developed… we have to take those matters into our own hands. 

I’ve always seen myself as being a student. I've always loved school and education.

But it wasn’t until I started working on myself and my goals that I understood how much I love being a student of life.

What always astounds me is how life itself is our greatest teacher. It is our best coach. It won't give up on us.

Because it always comes back with a new challenge. Often times, an even harder one. 

I've always been passionate about living an amazing, exhilarating, fascinating life. For me personally, the best way to do that is to learn. Learn from the best, from the knowledgable, the strong, the wise… 

This is why I have compiled lists of my favorite resources.. to share with my viewers and followers. You can check them out on my website here. 

Tread New Waters

"Normalize changing your opinion when presented with new information.” 

Whether it be how we view different facets of life, others, and even ourselves. 

When we are unable to challenge our current beliefs and perceptions, is this not a sign of intellectual immaturity and setback? 

This is how we grow and develop. One of the best ways to learn about anything is to study and explore it from different angles. I’ve done this by studying or independently researching different political views, religions, and even medical theories and practices. It’s all helped me to become even more certain of my personal decisions and views. Always trying new things and asking if there is something else that totally escaped my field of vision. Talk to those who have a different vision, maybe one that’s even scary or weird to you. 

Learn from the best, but also learn from those who see and do things differently. Sometimes you can find answers there you never thought possible. Or maybe you’ll find something you didn’t realize you were looking for. Don’t hold yourself back. Allow yourself to tread new waters.

Turn Your Breakdown Into A Breakthrough

 I was talking to a friend the other day about the concept of choosing to allow things to build you instead of break you. 

Then today while listening to a class by Gedale Fenster, he expounded on the same concept in different words. He said, “allow your breakdown to become a breakthrough.”

I kept replaying those words in my head. How amazing it is that we can respond to things in one of two ways, and the choice is entirely up to us. 

I think about inspiring people who I follow or know personally, and how each one has his or her own challenges. Those people choose to allow their setbacks to make them stronger, and to make them even better at living out their personal mission and purpose. They use the pain to grow and propel them forward. 

Many times we look at difficulties and personal struggles as something negative and “bad.” But how do we know they really are?

Perhaps if we redefine the definition of “good” and “bad”, or even allow things to show themselves for what they truly are (by being open-minded and playing fair to the truths that are possible for us), then we can make the challenges into beautiful things. Whether it is a purpose, calling, passion, redirection, redefinition of values, and goals… 

There will often be forks in the road. 

Which way will you choose?

What Music Do You Need To Remember? (On Being Reinspired)

 The last several weeks have been quite intense. For the first time in the 8 months that I have been working as a registered nurse, I felt overwhelmed by the idea of going to work. Working as a new nurse in the midst of a global pandemic wasn't even the challenge. 

The last several weeks at work saw one of my patients having to be flown out to another hospital because her case was too complicated (blood leaking out into her lungs from her aorta), the first time having a patient have a stroke, my first time having a patient die on me, having to do CPR and postmortem care and several rapid responses...

For me, medicine has always been about my purpose, my mission, and my passion. I know I'm meant to be in this field and to eventually become a doctor. I love what I do and I'm so grateful I get to do it. 

But the other morning I couldn't see any of that. 

I felt overwhelmed with it all. And even though every nurse waits for her turn to face the inevitable of being in this field and knows that this is what we have chosen... facing people die, having to tell their loved ones, dealing with emergencies... it doesn't make it any easier. 

As I was driving to work that morning, feeling sad and dreading the next 14 hours.... listening to music... a specific song came on that changed everything for me. 

"You never know you crossed the line till you get to the other side... The only way out is to face it... cause no one ever taught us to hide... the hardest walls to fight are the ones we wage inside."

It took me back to my junior year of high school when I had just started at a new school and was having a hard time adjusting. It was a very challenging time in my life so much so that I did something I had never done before (being that I was way too studious and always concerned about doing well in school). 

I totally blanked while taking my chemistry exam. I literally looked at the exam that I had spent hours studying for and for some unknown reason absolutely nothing made any sense to me. I couldn't do simple math or understand simple instructions. It was like my brain shut off. 

I was so overwhelmed at that point that I even tried to turn in the exam right then and there, incomplete, and tell my teacher that I had to go home because I didn't feel well. He told me I could leave once I turned it in. I left school that day right after that class (which was my very first and it was only 7:45am) and spent the rest of the day incapable of doing anything but lying in my bed. I couldn't eat, study, get up, or talk to anyone.

The only thing that comforted me at that moment was this song. I spent hours listening to it. I have no idea why. 

I don't remember what I got on the test... but fast forward 3 years and I got an A in my college chemistry course which was on probation for failing too many students... and 7 years later I'm in a medical program attaining my doctorate in my dream profession. 

I hadn't listened to this song in a very long time, and it had come on so randomly and unexpectedly. I started to cry on my way to work (and it wasn't yet 7am). 

It reminded me of that challenge I had experienced and how horrible I felt at that time. It reminded me of everything I had been able to achieve despite it. It reminded me that I was where I was because I got through so many obstacles. It reminded me of how afraid I was and how I felt so stuck and incapable of succeeding. 

And yet there I was on my chosen trajectory. I was doing everything I had set out to do. And even though it was scary and HARD, I was doing it. 

I decided to see the positive in everything I had experienced in the previous weeks. How I officially felt like a real nurse. How much more confident I am because I've had to deal with these emergencies. How I feel like I can face anything now. How grateful my patients are and all the times I have people tell me they're proud of me or respect me for what I do and for helping their family members. How it is really cool to be part of a team of people who have the skillset to save others. 

At that moment I decided that I was going to have a great day. 

And I did. The first good day at work in a very long time. 

Lesson learned: remember the music. 

What is the music that you need to remember?