Negative Experience? Maybe you needed it . . .

Sometimes we have negative experiences and feel upset about them. 
Have you ever realized after such an experience, that maybe you needed it?
Say what?
I know that this sounds strange, but it's not really all that crazy. 

As I have mentioned previously on this blog, I have dealt with a lot of anxiety in the past. It was something I really needed to work on, and I was able to get rid of the constant fear enough that I could function on a daily basis. But as people who suffer from major anxiety know, anxiety can pop up at other points in our lives and affect us in different ways in the future. 

I knew that this was happening to me. I was in another country for 2 months, traveling, working, and taking self-development seminars. Although I was really enjoying myself, I often felt anxious about being completely independent. For example, after 6 weeks of being in the country, I knew my way around the city pretty well- so well, that I could give another person directions to the city's most popular sites. However, I was nervous to go to those places alone. 

I know this sounds really strange. I knew my way around the city, but was nervous to go anywhere on my own:/ 
This was extremely aggravating for me, especially because I know that I am an independent person. I have had many instances in my life when I have had to do new things on my own. I made sure in the past, that I would do these things head-on, not allowing myself to back-down. And here I was, constantly nervous and reliant on other people. I hated it, but didn't know how to let it go this time. 

Well, I got a nice wake-up call. Sure I was upset at first- at my friend (who, by the way, is a nice person and actually a good friend of mine still) and at the situation. But more importantly, I was upset at myself for letting my anxiety get so much into the way. 

In short, basically what happened was that I didn't want to stay out, but my friends did. I couldn't lie to myself- I had thought about what went down. Was I being rude also? Did I act selfish?

My friend ended up telling me (in a nasty tone of voice)- "Look, if you want to go, you can go." 
I ended up leaving a few minutes later with a couple of other friends without telling that friend and the other girls I was with (WRONG). 

I called up my sister and she told me I was right in not going home alone at 12am. But that wasn't what bothered me. 

That night after I spoke to my sister and went to bed, I retraced everything that had happened. I remembered that I had been really rude, telling my friends that if they were going to take a taxi, I wouldn't stay because I didn't want to pay for one. Where did that even come from? Why was I so unbelievably rude? That wasn't even like me! 

Even if my friend had been rude by saying what she said- I still did something wrong and knew I had to apologize for that. 

Even more important, I realized that I needed her to say what she said. I needed somebody to tell me that it wasn't OK to be reliant on others, and that the anxiety needed to stop getting in my way. I needed to see how the anxiety directly affected my relationships. 

So I ended up apologizing and my friends appreciated it. All turned out really well and it's all great now! Yes, it really does have a happy ending! My friends even wrote me a very sweet letter at the end of the program. It just goes to show that if you do the right thing, at the end of the day all will work out. And even if all doesn't work out, at least you know for yourself that you did the right thing. 

So next time you have such a situation: retrace steps, see from the other person's point of view, let go of your ego, and do what you will be proud of in the future. Most importantly, don't be afraid to apologize. Don't be afraid to let go of your ego. Only of you need to, of course. Don't be that person that always apologizes. Just know when you're wrong and be able to admit it. 

I know that if I had not apologized, not only would I have lost some good friends, but I also would've felt uncomfortable because I knew that I did something wrong. 

The end.