Perspective

How do you know if the way that you see things is the way that they really are?

What if u see something- a situation, let's say- in a certain way, but in reality, it's not really like that?

I didn't really know how to write this blog post when I first thought about it a couple of months ago and saved the idea on my phone. I think now is the right time to write about it. My situation is a bit extreme, but maybe some of you will be able to relate. And if you can't, maybe you will find this helpful in some other way. 

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Growing up, I was a very shy kid and had a lot of anxiety. (I have written a lot more about this in my other blog posts, so if you want to read up more about that and advice on overcoming shyness/anxiety, this blog offers tons):
2 Quick Fixes to Anxiety
How I Overcame Social Anxiety 

Besides experiencing the regular side effects of shyness/anxiety- fear of socializing, not understanding how to confront others, constantly feeling unsure of oneself- I was extremely paranoid. 

I constantly felt that people were out to get me. If I was in a crowded place, I felt like people were talking about me and judging me negatively. I felt like random people simply had something against me as if I had done something wrong. Most of the time I didn't question these thoughts. They were simply true to me- I just accepted them. As I got older and started questioning them, I would really try to understand the situation that was causing me to feel paranoid. 

Let me give you a few examples of the types of situations that I spent time trying to understand/ the situations that forced me to reevaluate my perspective on different scenarios:

• 4th grade started at a new school, didn't socialize with anybody because I felt they all automatically didn't like me. This made no sense though because they were all friendly. However, I still felt that it couldn't possibly be that they liked me. 

• Middle School, constantly felt paranoid about how people viewed me, always thought that they thought that I was weak, quiet, not very bright (because I was quiet and socially awkward (at least I thought that everyone else thought that)), got into an argument with 2 friends because I thought they had something against specifically me, took to heart every comment everybody made and came home from school upset every single day (literally) because of all the "mean things people said/did". 

• The first 2 years of high school, constantly felt that even my close friends didn't really like me, believed that others thought I was weak, quiet, not very bright. 

Tips for keeping a healthy perspective:

• Write in a journal about how you feel about a situation. This helps to get you thinking about details from a logical perspective. 

• Talk to somebody you trust about your situation and your perspective. I have to do this a lot because I miss little details and know that I often view things in a skewed manner. This way, I can get someone else's view and understanding of the situation. 

• Give yourself time. A few days at least. This way, you give yourself time to authentically evaluate the situation and a proper way to respond. I recommend reading my other blog post, 

• Stop thinking like a victim. Realize that no one is out to get you. It's all in your head. 

• Know that you are not the only one who does this. You're not always right. 

• Get busy. Stop thinking so much about other people and their opinions. You are your own person who has things to get done. You don't have time to waste thinking about nonsense. 

• Speak regularly with someone you trust. Don't complain, rather just explain how you feel and get another person's perspective. Make sure you choose someone who is right for this position. 

• Make a list of statements to repeat to yourself every morning to start your day off on a positive note and to remind yourself to not get caught up in your thoughts. 

All of these scenarios were absolutely screwed up in my mind. 

Today, it is hard for me to believe I was that person. I was stuck in my own head. I couldn't form relationships with others. I couldn't make friends. My feelings were constantly being hurt. I was always confused about why people didn't like me.

IT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD.

I thought about all the situations I struggled with, and came to realize none of them were true.

As I started overcoming my shyness/anxiety, everything became clearer to me. 

The people I thought were against me, I realized, simply never had an opinion towards me. 

I was reading all of the signs upside down, out of order, in different colors, and in different directions. 

I was so paranoid, I made up stories in my head. 

I was so bad- as a kid, I would often have temper tantrums, claiming to my parents that my sister (who I am very close with now) was instigating fights with me on purpose. When my parents didn't side with me, I believed that they simply didn't care. I was constantly angry and unhappy. 

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Today, I am so free of this mindset. Even writing this required a jogging of my memory and a feeling of shock at how crazy I was. 

The point of this blog- even though this is a very extreme case- is to always check your perspective. 

I had wasted so much time trying to understand people's actions and worrying about other people's views on me. 

And in the end, I learned that it was me. I was making these assumptions. 

How do you know if the way that you see things is the way that they really are?

What if u see something- a situation, let's say- in a certain way, but in reality it's not really like that?

Tips for dealing with paranoia:

Good luck!