My Most Monumental Year Yet

 Well, it's been a year since I last wrote a blog post and let's just say there has been hell of a lot of content that I never got to write out and process because everything was utter chaos. 

The funny thing is how much I actually love chaos. I've learned that I actually function well in chaos. 

As a kid, I always had two major fears: change and the unknown. You might be thinking that everyone has those fears. However, when you struggle with chronic anxiety, absolutely everything is dramatically augmented. So when I say "fears," I mean chronic panic, stress, and fight or flight response modes. 

That's the first point I want to make. I went from living with chronic anxiety that made me physically sick and unable to function- to appreciating and mastering those things that fermented my anxiety in the first place. As I have gotten older, I have seen the bigger picture of my life and why things have had to happen the way they did. All of those challenges and hardships have led to my being able to conquer the very next thing. If not for those previous challenges, I wouldn't be able to proudly stand here today and say I made it. 

The way that life seems to work (oftentimes) is that once you overcome one challenge, the next one pops up. Often the next challenge is even harder than the previous. If not, then we are even better equipped to handle those issues that make their way in our direction. We don't always understand why we must face these things. It's frustrating. 

For me, I have seen how each challenge has better prepared me for the next and made me into the person I know I must be if I want to lead the life I desire. I am sure that if you pan out all the things you had to overcome throughout your lifetime, you will come to the same conclusion about your life experience. 

This year was the hardest year of my life. 

The crazy thing is that in the end, I have come to realize that while everything seemed to be falling apart... everything was actually coming together in the most amazing and beautiful way possible. 

I was actually blessed to experience those challenges because the alternatives would have been way worse. And half the time I didn't even have to do the work. I just had to step back, have faith in G-d and the journey He had paved for me, and follow my gut.

I have always known what I wanted in life. Usually, I can tackle hurdles head-on. I am not afraid to keep trying something repeatedly when I have my eye on the prize and I can see it so clearly even if it's not already present in my life. 

However, I got to a place where I was settling for less than I knew I deserved. I was setting for less out of those around me, my day-to-day experiences, environments, and energy. I was willing to accept people and things that didn't serve me or allow me to reach my full potential. And when I was unsure of how to let those people and things go, G-d made it easy and freed me from that which I didn't know how to walk away from. 

The crazy thing is that G-d gave me the exact amount of time I had prayed for. When that time was up, He opened up a pathway for me that was greater than I could have ever imagined. 

Imagine being so upset about something, only to then realize that it was the greatest blessing and you got what you actually wanted all along. You were holding onto something that you thought was the answer when all along you had to let that thing go so that you can actually have what you want. It's just on the other side of taking a leap of faith, demanding better for yourself, and following your intuition.

This part of my life taught me to stop fighting the currents of life. I am so stubborn (a true Taurus) and sometimes it hinders me. Be patient. I didn't let G-d finish His sentence and I was already frustrated and throwing tantrums. 

I have had the opportunity to be and see places and things I thought I would only get to experience many years from now, if ever. G-d literally plucked me out of a place where I wasn't happy anyway and put me exactly where I wanted to be all along- with the very people, opportunities, and experiences I had been praying for. I am still in shock about how perfectly my life came together after what seemed and felt like the worst storm. 

I write this now because it took me this long to realize all of this. 

I don't blame myself. This year was literally nonstop for me. 

Then I found myself sitting in my apartment today, not able to sit still because I have gotten so used to having something that I need to do. I finally let myself shut everything off- the phone, the iPad, the laptop... and just be. Process. The craziest year of my life has come to a close. It feels refreshing. Even better, I got to end off this year around people I love, in my favorite city, while working my dream jobs, and being everything I ever desired. While speaking to a friend right after the clock struck 12, he asked me if I felt like I had bounced back from the challenges I experienced throughout the year. At that moment, processing everything around me and feeling the immense joy and gratitude I felt for it all, I was so happy to finally be able to say yes. 

I am in awe of how things work in life. Like how does so much pain and sadness lead to so much happiness and fulfillment? I might not have the full answer right now, but I am so grateful I have had the opportunity to learn this now, at such a young age. Now I can move forward in life with more confidence and trust, knowing that even when things seem unbearable, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will be more beautiful and freeing than where I was coming from. 

If I ask for something and work towards it, I will find a way to it. The journey might not be easy, but it's absolutely worth it when you find what; 's on the other end of it. 

It's funny because when 2023 came, I really thought it was going to be my year. I was so excited. I couldn't understand how my positivity and effort towards growth and happiness led to such unhappiness. Then I realized that this really was my year. 

It was the year I fell in love with myself. It was the year I became the most confident I have ever been. It was the year I learned and grew tremendously in every aspect- academically, in my career, personally, in my relationships, and even spiritually. I have done so many things I wanted to do but was too scared to do.  It was the year I met some of the most impactful and healing people- people with whom I needed to cross paths for a reason. It was the year I loved my coworkers and my friends, and every moment was filled with excitement and mystery. Running into celebrities and getting to meet some of the most inspiring people whom I've been following for years. Getting to be in what feels like the center of the world to me. 

Thank You G-d. 

Everyone is posting their ins and outs for 2024 and here are some of mine:

Out: jumping to conclusions, being impatient, tolerating people and things that hinder my growth and happiness, negativity and bad energy

In: trusting G-d, daily prayer, expressing more gratitude, time with people I love and appreciate, following my gut and listening to my intuition, being kind to myself 

Here is to another year filled with magic, success, and growth. 

Let Go of Control

For the longest time I struggled to let go of needing to control even things that I knew I had no control over. 

I would work myself to exhaustion, not allow myself to fully enjoy any breaks from my hard work, and would feel guilty whenever I wasn’t being “productive.”

Because I was so hard on myself, I would never feel a sense of fulfillment. No matter how hard I worked. I found myself completely unhappy, and even desperate for that self acceptance that I would never get while stuck in that mindset. 

A lot of the lessons that I have learned in life, I have learned through those around me. As I always say, other people are our second greatest teachers. The greatest teacher is life itself. 

And I have learned from both other people and from life, that working yourself beyond full capacity and trying to control everything in the process, is never going to lead to fulfillment and happiness.

I realized that the people who would put in their honest effort, and then step back and let everything else work out for them, were the happiest and the ones who usually actually had things work out for them. 

Once I learned to let go, I became a much happier and healthier person. 

But it took me several years to be able to get to that point in life. 

I started living by the idea that the universe has my back. And since I have been able to truly believe and live that, I have seen so much more from life. 

I started truly living by the fact that everything is always really working out for me as long as I am putting in my honest effort and taking aligned action.

I have a newfound sense of peace and self-love. I have a newfound love for life itself. I don’t wake up in the morning with severe anxiety. I wake up looking forward to all the things that I will get to do- all the things I love and that bring me purpose.

All because of a mindset shift.

How to focus on your personal journey through life

 ✨Everyone is different (has different skills, strengths and weaknesses) and therefore have different paths. Don't compare yourself.

✨You are unique- you are the only person who has your life. Look at your strengths and weaknesses to better understand what your purpose might be.

✨Everyone has different challenges and obstacles so just because someone else has something that you don’t, it doesn’t mean that he or she is better than you. You may have different circumstances. Instead of asking "why not me," ask, "how can that be me too?"

✨Your life is about building yourself so build yourself to become the person you always wanted to be. In the meantime, try to build others up with you.

✨Learn from others- if someone has something you want (for example, a trait), work towards achieving it. Ask them for mentorship or advice. See what they might be doing right, and try to model that. You will actually find yourself appreciating this person, rather than feeling envy towards him or her.

✨Make a list of all the things you desire. Doing this will help you to stay focused. It will keep you going when things get tough. Additionally, write down WHY you want those things. Refer back to this list when you don't feel motivated or when you feel like giving up.

✨Make a list of things to do when you are bored, so that you never find yourself sitting around thinking about things that really don’t matter to you. the good thing about being busy is that you don't have time to waste on things that are unimportant. Focus on the things that keep you happy and productive. This list can include going for a walk, spending time with someone you love, reading a book on your reading list, researching that topic you wanted to the other day but didn't have a chance to explore, or tidying up your personal space.

The Message You Need to Hear

Is there something you have been wanting or needing to do, but your fear or excuses have been holding you back?

Perhaps you're telling yourself that you need to learn more first, or that you don't have your "plan" figured out. 

Maybe you keep telling yourself that you'll start tomorrow, or when you feel "ready."

Well, guess what...

It is time that you STOP waiting. 

Simply start.

Often times, the first step is the scariest. Often times, it's also the hardest.

What I have learned is that I really only truly learn and overcome fear when I'm actually taking action.
Also, it is the action I am afraid to take that often liberates me. Once I take the first step, everything else becomes less scary and feels way more attainable. 

One reminder that has always helped me to take the first step, is that the world won't end if things don't work out as expected. The sun will still rise and and set. Life will still go on. New opportunities and ideas will still come to you. 

I would rather look back and say, "at least I tried," instead of thinking, "what if I tried?"
So here are some ways to take that first step if you have been holding yourself back:

1. Write out an action plan. What are your first, second and third steps?
2. Work backwards. Think about end goal and meditate on what you needed to do to get there. 
3. Hold yourself accountable or have someone else hold you accountable and hold you to your word and commitment to taking action. 
4. Write yourself reminders and place them where you are sure to see them.

The Role of Relationships in Happiness and Well-Being

There was something interesting that I read over Shabbat while reading Positive Psychology by Bridget Grenville-Cleave.

According to longitudinal research published in the British Medical Journal, moods and behaviors are contagious and people’s happiness depends on the happiness of those with whom they are connected. It’s pretty interesting, because even a friend who lives within a mile and becomes happier increases the probability that you will also be happier by 25%.

In the 1980s, the UK psychologist Michael Argyle’s work suggested that relationships were one of the most influential factors for human well-being. More recent positive psychology models of human well-being continue to stress the significance of relationships to our happiness.

In a world filled with so many distractions, it’s easier than ever to miss out on true quality time.

Several years ago, I took a course on the psychology of happiness that was led by Harvard professor Tal Ben Shahar (an Israeli, which made me even more excited to take the course😅). 

In a recent interview, he said that, “the number one predictor of happiness is the time we spend with people we care about and care about us. The most important source of happiness may be the person sitting next to you. Appreciate them, and savor the time you spent together.”

To learn more, visit the link in my bio and view my favorite resources here. 

The Most Important Step I Have Ever Taken

 📚I am currently reading "No Excuses!" by Brian Tracy, a world-renown motivational speaker, and self-development author. He discusses several ways to become more disciplined in order to ultimately reach your dreams and goals.

Write out a list of things you want to achieve within the next year, 5 years, and 10 years... whatever you want.

✨Then under each goal, write out 1, 2, or more actions you need to take to achieve that goal. 

📝Along with this list, write out a list of character traits you want to possess. If you were to be 100% happy with yourself, what characteristics would you have? If you were to envision the best version of yourself, how would you and others describe you?

💡Then decide that you are willing to work hard for these things. Decide that you are going to put in an active effort to make these goals and dreams a reality. Decide that you are going to view your goals and dreams as actual plans.

And remember this: Dreams don't work unless you do and happiness comes when your life aligns with your blueprint.

Download my personal development workbook for more personal assistance! It will walk you through 30 days of staying on track with your goals!

Living as the Highest Versions of Ourselves

Well, it's been 3 months since I've written a blog post. That's how I know I've been truly busy. 

There are so many experiences I've had in such a short period of time. Where to begin?

So much I have learned- things I have realized, accepted, changed, applied to my life, let go of...

I want to share one realization/experience. 

The other week, I experienced a moment of intense truth. Perhaps an epiphany. Not quite sure. 

I was exhausted.
Exhausted from all the noise. Noise from thoughts playing over and over in my head, focusing on external things, social media, other people, trying to figure out if I'm doing well, trying to find myself in various settings of my life that are all so contrasting. I feel like 3 different people. I can't be the same person in all the settings in which I exist. Or at least I don't know how to be. That's something I'm still trying to figure out. 

Through all the chaos, I lost my clarity. 

I couldn't hear myself trying to pipe through all the static that was everything around me. 

As I took a moment to say Maariv (evening prayer), I paused to share some of my thoughts with G-d. Except I couldn't find words. And even if I could, I didn't want to speak them. Because words couldn't express what I was feeling. 

I felt stuck. 

And what I suddenly thought to myself was: I want to find myself. 

Not find myself in what I do or how I spend my time, my career, job, friends or religion. 

No. I wanted to find who I am at my core. 

So I got very quiet and let everything else go. I let go of what I was feeling on the outside, who I was with, where I was before, and where I was going afterward. 

I suddenly found myself so in tune with the reality of who I really am- my true desires, goals, and aspirations... my clarity, internal compass... the voice that had been trying so hard to be heard. 

My energy healer once told me that the voice we need to listen to is often the one that is quieter. 

I was finally able to hear that voice. 

I knew it was that voice because for the first time in a long time I felt free. I felt happy and grateful. Even things that had upset me... I was just so grateful they happened because I understood they helped me to grow. I suddenly felt full. Full of joy, pride, and happiness. What had been pain suddenly became inspirational. What had been sadness suddenly became happiness. I felt honesty, forgiveness, truth, and self-love. 

I was so happy, I began to cry. I just thought, "Oh my gosh, this is what I have been looking and waiting for. This is the truth. This is where I want to stay." 

I cried mostly because I realized just how much I truly loved that person. 

Just how truly I loved myself. 

When I was finally able to reach and meet her... and be her for a moment, I wanted to continue to exist as her. Rather than existing as a version of myself molded by falsity. Rather than exiting as the version who needed to fit into other people's definitions of "normal" or "acceptable."

As I came back to grounding myself to where I was in that moment- surrounded by other people and not in the right environment to cry hysterically (and either way how could I explain all this to someone who could've asked me why I was seemingly upset)- I had to disconnect myself from that highest version of myself. 

At that moment, I couldn't embrace her without being emotional. 

But I was so happy to know that she would be there (just as she had been there all along), for when I could reconnect and grow closer and closer to her until I would be her. 

That brought me to today. I saw a journal prompt that asked: how can I love myself even deeper?

And my response came to me suddenly: I can love myself more deeply by genuinely embracing who and what I am by turning inwards to inquire what my true and highest self would do, how she would react, what she would say and choose... because I love who I truly am and I can actively continue to love myself by embracing life (with its loves and losses) through her. If I am the highest version of myself who I love, how could I not love myself?  If anything, I will love myself more than I ever have. 

As the highest version of myself, I will not chase. I will attract. I will be kind, giving, understanding, and genuine. I will follow my own lead, instead of following another's. I will do what is right for me, instead of seeking direction and guidance from others who cannot offer it to me. I will live by truth and clarity. 

Every choice will be made by me as the highest version of myself. 

I want this, not that. 

This is right for me. That is not right for me. 

This person belongs in my life. That person does not belong in my life. 

I embrace this. I let go of that. 

These thoughts serve me. Those thoughts are being released from my mind's soundtrack. 

Be still. Be quiet. Disconnect to reconnect. 

It may take more than one try. 

But sooner or later, you will meet yourself and it will be evident. 

Your truth will be self-evident.