I am the person I had dreamed of being ever since I started on my journey to overcome social anxiety. Like, this is literally my dreams being a reality.
I have been thinking about this success ever since the end of my senior year of high school.
Transferring to public school itself was a huge step itself because it signified my ability to be near a lot of people, especially a lot of new people, and to make friends in new environments- not to mention, reintroducing myself to people I had known before (almost like I had known them in another life of mine- that was how much things had changed . . . how much I had changed).
I had been thinking to myself, "Wow, I did it. I remember thinking about this transition state of my life and how it would be and where I would end up…now I'm here."
Also, I had been thinking about the next couple of months, during which I would get to college and start a new chapter of my life. When I first started on my journey of self-improvement (which never really ends, I guess), I had made a list of all of the characteristics I had wanted to attain. I had taken the image of my future-desired-self that was planted in my brain and put those aspirations into words. I envisioned myself being that desired person by the time I would graduate from high school.
At that time, at 14 years old or so, I had no idea what would happen over the next couple of years. I know that sounds dramatic, but I was in-between two worlds and states of mind at that period of my life. I knew how I wanted to be but wasn't sure if or how I would get there. I wasn't completely sure where it would take me. I had been on and off between the possibility of going to public school or staying in my small private school. My decision would drastically change my life, I knew, being that I was utterly petrified of the idea of begin around a lot of people. I was scared going to even just a small private school where I knew everybody… going to a huge school with different types of people would have raised my anxiety to the roof and back until the pressure would make me crumble into a crying mess.
So, graduation from high school came and ever since then my life has been sort of like a movie that only I can understand. People from all of the scenes of my different stages of life are in my life now. Before now, I would get so excited and nervous when I would see someone from my public school life and private school life- just because those two worlds of mine represented different stages and I was in the middle of them. A defining moment had been my graduation. Not only was this a graduation from my high school career, but also a ceremony for the completion of this major feat I had set upon long ago. My private school friends had come to congratulate me, while the scene of my public school life and the kids I had known stood behind me, signifying the colliding of my two worlds and the official becoming of my being (I know that sounds weird, but that's how I view it).
What does this have to do with the topic of this post?
I was sitting in a quiet room yesterday, studying Biology. I began thinking about my current life, and at that moment, I was the happiest I had ever been. I was happy with my relationships, with my school life, my looks, my personality… I was happy with who and how I was.
I feel this happiness very strongly. I think its the best happiness there is and I encourage you (the few who would actually read this) to give it to yourselves. Attain your goals and work against your challenges.
Are you happy with who you are now? Hopefully. If not, then make the necessary changes.
Back to the point . . .
I am so satisfied with how everything turned out- the good and the bad- because they all guided me to becoming who I am today . . . however, that chapter of my life is over.
I think, despite the fact that those times were difficult and sometimes scary, the satisfaction from overcoming my fears and the excitement of dreaming about them realizing was worth it despite all of the negative aspects that came along with them.
Even though there is still room to grow and improve, working towards such a big goal for such a long period of time ( throughout some of the most important years of my life) has left me constantly thinking about where I stand in the spectrum of my plan for my life. So when I realized that I was getting to the point where this part of my life would be over, and now that I have finally reached that part of my life, I look back and reflect.
I realize that the journey is one of the best parts. I am here now, successful and happy, and I got to this stage because of all of the steps I took. Those steps gave me some of my best memories and I now look back and rethink them.
It is cool putting the pieces of my life together- the different scenes and characters that played important roles in this production.
We are always looking towards the future, always focused on getting things done and getting what we want. We forget to live in the moment.
I am now in college and am constantly thinking about studying and doing well on a future exam . . . and then the pattern repeats and I am once again studying and thinking about another exam. I have to remind myself that I am a college student, 18 years old, young and strong. I need to enjoy my last years being a teenager. I need to live in the moment as a teenager and not just as a student. Although I have goals and important things to get done, I am also supposed to enjoy my life and not get consumed by the system that young people must follow these days- work and study, which ultimately lead to stress.
From all of these years of dreaming of what I now have and am . . . I have learned to enjoy the journey and not only plan for the destination. The journey is all about overcoming challenges, designing ourselves, meeting people who make us happy, building on our relationships, and, most importantly, BEING happy and not just attaining happiness.
If there is one lesson I could tell somebody, it would be to BE HAPPY and NOT JUST ATTAIN IT because THE JOURNEY IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE DESTINATION. Don't be one of those people who learn this truth too late- and enjoy the journey.