Students of Life

In school, we are not taught how to live life. 

We are not taught how to be happy. 

Or how to be confident.

How to make good friends or build healthy relationships.

How to choose right from wrong. 

How to make decisions.

To separate feelings and emotions from intellect and reasoning. 

If we want to learn how to be successful, happy, true to ourselves, resilient, emotionally, and spiritually developed… we have to take those matters into our own hands. 

I’ve always seen myself as being a student. I've always loved school and education.

But it wasn’t until I started working on myself and my goals that I understood how much I love being a student of life.

What always astounds me is how life itself is our greatest teacher. It is our best coach. It won't give up on us.

Because it always comes back with a new challenge. Often times, an even harder one. 

I've always been passionate about living an amazing, exhilarating, fascinating life. For me personally, the best way to do that is to learn. Learn from the best, from the knowledgable, the strong, the wise… 

This is why I have compiled lists of my favorite resources.. to share with my viewers and followers. You can check them out on my website here. 

Tread New Waters

"Normalize changing your opinion when presented with new information.” 

Whether it be how we view different facets of life, others, and even ourselves. 

When we are unable to challenge our current beliefs and perceptions, is this not a sign of intellectual immaturity and setback? 

This is how we grow and develop. One of the best ways to learn about anything is to study and explore it from different angles. I’ve done this by studying or independently researching different political views, religions, and even medical theories and practices. It’s all helped me to become even more certain of my personal decisions and views. Always trying new things and asking if there is something else that totally escaped my field of vision. Talk to those who have a different vision, maybe one that’s even scary or weird to you. 

Learn from the best, but also learn from those who see and do things differently. Sometimes you can find answers there you never thought possible. Or maybe you’ll find something you didn’t realize you were looking for. Don’t hold yourself back. Allow yourself to tread new waters.

Turn Your Breakdown Into A Breakthrough

 I was talking to a friend the other day about the concept of choosing to allow things to build you instead of break you. 

Then today while listening to a class by Gedale Fenster, he expounded on the same concept in different words. He said, “allow your breakdown to become a breakthrough.”

I kept replaying those words in my head. How amazing it is that we can respond to things in one of two ways, and the choice is entirely up to us. 

I think about inspiring people who I follow or know personally, and how each one has his or her own challenges. Those people choose to allow their setbacks to make them stronger, and to make them even better at living out their personal mission and purpose. They use the pain to grow and propel them forward. 

Many times we look at difficulties and personal struggles as something negative and “bad.” But how do we know they really are?

Perhaps if we redefine the definition of “good” and “bad”, or even allow things to show themselves for what they truly are (by being open-minded and playing fair to the truths that are possible for us), then we can make the challenges into beautiful things. Whether it is a purpose, calling, passion, redirection, redefinition of values, and goals… 

There will often be forks in the road. 

Which way will you choose?

What Music Do You Need To Remember? (On Being Reinspired)

 The last several weeks have been quite intense. For the first time in the 8 months that I have been working as a registered nurse, I felt overwhelmed by the idea of going to work. Working as a new nurse in the midst of a global pandemic wasn't even the challenge. 

The last several weeks at work saw one of my patients having to be flown out to another hospital because her case was too complicated (blood leaking out into her lungs from her aorta), the first time having a patient have a stroke, my first time having a patient die on me, having to do CPR and postmortem care and several rapid responses...

For me, medicine has always been about my purpose, my mission, and my passion. I know I'm meant to be in this field and to eventually become a doctor. I love what I do and I'm so grateful I get to do it. 

But the other morning I couldn't see any of that. 

I felt overwhelmed with it all. And even though every nurse waits for her turn to face the inevitable of being in this field and knows that this is what we have chosen... facing people die, having to tell their loved ones, dealing with emergencies... it doesn't make it any easier. 

As I was driving to work that morning, feeling sad and dreading the next 14 hours.... listening to music... a specific song came on that changed everything for me. 

"You never know you crossed the line till you get to the other side... The only way out is to face it... cause no one ever taught us to hide... the hardest walls to fight are the ones we wage inside."

It took me back to my junior year of high school when I had just started at a new school and was having a hard time adjusting. It was a very challenging time in my life so much so that I did something I had never done before (being that I was way too studious and always concerned about doing well in school). 

I totally blanked while taking my chemistry exam. I literally looked at the exam that I had spent hours studying for and for some unknown reason absolutely nothing made any sense to me. I couldn't do simple math or understand simple instructions. It was like my brain shut off. 

I was so overwhelmed at that point that I even tried to turn in the exam right then and there, incomplete, and tell my teacher that I had to go home because I didn't feel well. He told me I could leave once I turned it in. I left school that day right after that class (which was my very first and it was only 7:45am) and spent the rest of the day incapable of doing anything but lying in my bed. I couldn't eat, study, get up, or talk to anyone.

The only thing that comforted me at that moment was this song. I spent hours listening to it. I have no idea why. 

I don't remember what I got on the test... but fast forward 3 years and I got an A in my college chemistry course which was on probation for failing too many students... and 7 years later I'm in a medical program attaining my doctorate in my dream profession. 

I hadn't listened to this song in a very long time, and it had come on so randomly and unexpectedly. I started to cry on my way to work (and it wasn't yet 7am). 

It reminded me of that challenge I had experienced and how horrible I felt at that time. It reminded me of everything I had been able to achieve despite it. It reminded me that I was where I was because I got through so many obstacles. It reminded me of how afraid I was and how I felt so stuck and incapable of succeeding. 

And yet there I was on my chosen trajectory. I was doing everything I had set out to do. And even though it was scary and HARD, I was doing it. 

I decided to see the positive in everything I had experienced in the previous weeks. How I officially felt like a real nurse. How much more confident I am because I've had to deal with these emergencies. How I feel like I can face anything now. How grateful my patients are and all the times I have people tell me they're proud of me or respect me for what I do and for helping their family members. How it is really cool to be part of a team of people who have the skillset to save others. 

At that moment I decided that I was going to have a great day. 

And I did. The first good day at work in a very long time. 

Lesson learned: remember the music. 

What is the music that you need to remember?

The Only Way To Grow

Pressure. Intensity. 

I love and hate them at the same time. 

Last week was my first time getting floated to the ICU. In the midst of the second wave of a global pandemic🦠. Without ever having had an introduction or orientation to the unit. Still a relatively new nurse👩🏻‍⚕️. Every patient on quarantine isolation. Not even sure how to use the monitors to take a blood pressure or how to print a telemetry strip. Not to mention I had a higher acuity of patients than I usually have. 😥
Then yesterday I was sent to the ICU again, which at that point was still overwhelming for me. With still needing to adjust and being slower than usual, and balancing that with five patients... I felt more pressure than ever before. 

What started out as something I feared... going out of my comfort zone, something happening to a patient and not knowing how to properly deal with it... became something I actually enjoyed and appreciated. 
On my way home from work last night, I realized that I felt no fear like I had previously. Because those two days forced me to make it like a fish out of water... I felt like I could really handle anything that came my way. 

It’s through the intense moments when we have to pull ourselves together and figure things out on the spot while pulling together the resources that you have... when you 1️⃣realize how strong you can be and 2️⃣understand that you can truly only grow and improve when you’re out of your comfort zone. 
Being on the medical-surgical floors has been a great experience, but the thrill and intensity of figuring things out and breaking through those challenges is one of the most exhilarating and profound I’ve ever had. 

✅Lessons learned: don’t fear the unknown, embrace it. Think of new challenges as being spontaneous in a good way and not as you being totally crazy and out of your mind (though I thought I might get to that point🙈), let the challenge make you not break you, give things time, you may end up being good at something you may not have thought otherwise, new challenges breed experience and knowledge which lead to confidence and mastery. 🧠

How To Internalize That You Are Enough and Stop Seeking External Validation

Marisa Peer is a world-renown therapist and speaker. She, of course, is not the first one I have heard speak about the topic of people not believing in their own worth. Something she always shares is that (and she works with some of the most successful people in the world) one of the most common issues for people is that we feel that we are not enough.

I struggled with this issue for a very long (and we all do at some points).
Even if/when we come to the understanding that we are... we still have our moments and that's part of being human.

But I want to share my experience with you about how I finally came to understand and internalize that I am truly worthy and enough to be happy with who I am, and accept all that I am and am not... because perhaps it will give you some clarity into your own journeys.

I want to start off by saying that you don't know what it means to truly accept yourself until you have experienced the act and the consequences of not accepting yourself. You may not even realize that you do have low self-esteem. 

What got me started on this journey over the past several months was listening to experts in the fields of law of attraction, brain and heart coherence, and mindfulness. These include Dr. Joe Dispenza, guests on The Concept Theory Youtube channel, Aaron Doughty, etc. Though I had heard of these concepts before, the way they explain them all really clarifies these concepts for me.

Something they discuss is becoming aware of your thought patterns and beliefs. It didn't take me long to realize that mine weren't that great. It's not that I didn't realize that I was focused on so many wrong things and cared too much about things that didn't matter... it's just that I realized just how bad my self-esteem really was and how it was getting in my way of being happy with myself and what I was doing with my life. 

You see, these past several months have been quite challenging in a painful yet amazing way. I use the word painful because internal growth requires so much work and the emergence of truths we don't always want to face though we must. After coming back from studying abroad, I had almost 7 months looking for my first job (you won't believe what happened at the end of this all). The craziest things were happening- the most ridiculous reasons why this and that weren't working out and I could have sworn that the forces were against me. I was going above and beyond and nothing was happening for the slightest of reasons. And everything was taking so long. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion (now I understood why- wait for the end). Though it was hard for me to swallow the fact that I couldn't get a job easily (though many people go through this), I made the most of my time as a "free" person. I studied a lot about how to improve myself, started working on passion projects a lot more, and worked on some other things in my life that I had been pushing off.

This entire time I kept asking G-d why I couldn't find a job. I was really hurt by it because I had given up an amazing opportunity at one of the best hospitals in the world (and it took a lot of time for me to build connections with their recruiters) to go study ethics and morality, and become closer to G-d in the holy land. Upon returning, the hospital wanted me to have some more experience since I was a year out of school. Understandable. But now I was stuck without a job.
I came to understand it all in a single moment.
Getting to that I promise, but I need you to understand this entire story because you can only appreciate the endpoint when you see the process. 
Lesson #1- everything is a process. 
Lesson #2- everything needs its own amount of time to happen/unfold in the way it is meant to.
Lesson #3- often times we get frustrated when things don't go our way, without remembering that we don't know the whole picture. We classify things as "bad" but do we really know if it is? I thought this struggle was all for naught until I actually got the job and everything became very clear to me.
Lesson #4- have faith. Even if you don't believe in a higher power, just tell yourself things happen for a reason. When you see things from that perspective, it opens new opportunities for you. 
You will see what I mean.

Another concept I was delving into was the idea that your childhood is the root of many of the internal issues that you face as you grow older.
I had an amazing childhood. Loving family and all the support I needed.
But I knew from where a lot of my lack of self-worth stemmed. Even when I no longer faced chronic anxiety, I knew that anxiety turns up in different forms in your life and that there is still a pain that lasts from the experiences that one had in anxious states.

Those experiences I'm referring to are in that very long period in my life when I was quiet, felt alone and unseen and unheard, I didn't have real friends, didn't know how to make them, was socially awkward and paranoid that people always hated me or were out to get me. And even though I know now all those things about people hating me and out to get me were false, that extreme sensitivity and emotions were very real to me at the time.

I don't know why I had so much anxiety. I am not sure from where it stemmed. But it was a huge part of my life and I spent a lot of my childhood and teen years overcoming it. I'm really just getting over all those challenges (some people never face them, unfortunately). It may have been partially due to the fact that I was quiet and often felt overlooked and invisible. Because of that, I felt unworthy and that no one really cared.

As I grew older, though I had built a lot of resilience and overcame anxiety so well that I am 1000% a different person in so many amazing ways, a lot of that pain and hurt were buried inside me (by me). I became capable of facing my greatest fears, but that came with a price. I had to toughen myself up to get out of the anxious and paranoid states. The way I built up all that resilience and ability to confront my fears was by being very hard on myself.

And it worked. I got over all that fear and am able to do all the things I once feared.

I had the belief that if I could be my worst critic and use the voice inside my head to toughen myself up, then I would be able to face everyone else and everything that came my way that scared me (which were many many things). 

I remember thinking to myself that I would take myself to an extreme and overdo it... and I did. There was a period of several years when I actually did not cry. Even when I wanted to I couldn't get myself to because I had trained myself not to during that period of my life when I was always crying and couldn't hold it back.

Lesson #5: in order to overcome a challenge in our character, when we train ourselves to overcome it... sometimes we can go to the opposite of that characteristic. Many times this happened to me with different things I worked on and had to go back and find a healthy balance. Which I did.

I couldn't understand why I felt so stuck and had a lack of clarity. I started questioning everything I was doing. And I was doing sooo much. I felt like I had to be a lot and do a lot to be worth even a little bit. I was starting to drive myself crazy. As I was working on all of these buried issues, it all started to boil out of me. I kept questioning why I feel so lost and am struggling to find simple answers when I am trying so hard... and getting to a point that I feel like no matter what I do I won't be happy not because they aren't great options but because I want it all while at the same time deep down knowing that if I am not happy now with all I have and have accomplished then I won't ever be truly happy. It would just be a cruel cycle of needing more and more and never feeling worthy.

Lesson #6: you must choose to be happy with where you are now. Or else you will always have a reason not to be. It will always come down to having one more thing or reaching one more goal. This is not to say you shouldn't try or work hard, it just means you need to stop trying and working hard FOR happiness. Do it all WITH happiness and know that even if you don't reach your highest goals you are still worthy. Stop looking at all these goals as a reason to make you happy and worth anything or everything. 
Lesson #7- External things won't make you truly happy. You must be happy with yourself first. That is the core of all happiness. 

Even when it comes to love and relationships. I know that I can't love anyone or be in a healthy and happy relationship until I love myself. That was something else that concerned me. I was afraid that I was turning people down because deep down I couldn't even accept myself.

Lesson #8: when you choose to be happy with your current situation and yourself, you stop being vulnerable to everything else around you. You stop being jealous of others, comparing yourself to others... things can come and present themselves to you but you don't feel the need or desire to run after it all. You can make decisions based on what feels right to you because you start to trust yourself and become proud of who you are and what you are doing. A part of me felt like a child who couldn't differentiate between right and wrong. 

And I realized that I didn't want it all... I needed it.
And not actually.

I "needed" everything to show me I was good enough. And I came to realize that with this way of being, I could have all my dreams come true and still be miserable.

Because I was looking for external validation.

The whole damn time.

I was looking at everything outside of me to bring me fulfillment and satisfaction. I start "wanting" to be like everything and everyone and it was all so confusing. Generally a very grounded person, I felt more lost than ever. For the first time in my life I felt like I had no direction.

My dream of even being a doctor did not excite me. I didn't even really celebrate or get excited over my acceptance to the graduate program I have been working towards since I was a kid.

And I knew I wasn't depressed. I was happy with my life... but I wasn't happy with who I was. And that scared me because that was causing so many issues for me.

And I realized that the reason I was looking for external validation was that I didn't have validation from myself. 

Why?
Because I am a perfectionist with insecurities over things that
1) Don't matter and
2) Are out of my control

And in this moment of realizing this all (the day of my interview for the job I got after breaking this all down to my sister and breaking down crying because of final freedom)... I realized that I finally wanted to let go of all these "needs" to be this and that." I finally could say I CHOOSE to be happy and satisfied with who I am.

I don't need a certain degree (though I am getting my doctorate because I truly want to) or to be famous or rich or look a certain way or anything...to be satisfied with myself.

I choose to be happy.

And even though I had known of this concept for so long and heard it like we all do... this time I felt it.

I felt so much lighter. I felt a weight off my shoulders.

I let go of all my needs to be validated. That led me to the clarity I had been losing and needing. And that led me to the belief (and not just the understanding) that I am ENOUGH.

And at that moment, I looked at my phone and see that after 7 months I was accepted for the job I interviewed for earlier that day.

And all my questions were answered.

Why was G-d not giving me a job?

Because clarity comes through reflection. Working through your core issue comes through reflection. G-d wanted me to work through these issues because had I been working I wouldn't have had this time for reflection and growth. If I had gotten a job 2 months ago, it would not have been enough time for me to get to this point. Not only that, but I would have been miserable and probably crashed emotionally. I wouldn't know why because I wouldn't have worked through this entire process.

It was all in slow motion as I had felt it was because G-d was giving me time. I needed to be this person and overcome those internal problems in order to move onto this major step in my life.

I needed the time to reflect on all of this and come to understand my own psychology. And this is how I truly came to understand meditation- the practice of quieting your mind and things coming to you. WOW just WOW do things come to you. In time. But boy do they come.

That chapter of my life closed and with it an old version of myself. The version that was holding on to everything that was sinking me.

As soon as I came to understand how to truly be happy and find clarity... G-d gave me a job.
Because now I can handle it. Now I can be happy with what I am doing and my chosen path. Even if I don't make the right decisions, this is it and I can't hold on to all my fears that stemmed from my lack of self-esteem.

This also taught me that I have to stop doubting G-d. Just as I doubted myself and m choices and my chosen path... I was doubting G-d because I wasn't accepting that this was all for the best and that G-d has my back. I assumed along the way that this was all for a reason and deep down I truly felt it... but I was afraid that if I admitted it then I was running away from my issue of not having a job.

And its quite ironic because it was also not having a job that led me to understand true self-worth. I HAD to stop equating my worth with my school/career success. I absolutely had to. I had to look at myself and say I am enough even if I wasn't smart, in grad school, and even without a job.

As a kid, everyone always looked at me as the smart kid. My family, I mean. "Deborah is going to be a doctor," they would all say. And though I appreciated their belief in me... I had some serious issues accepting the fact that I didn't want to go to medical school (now I am getting my doctorate in nursing which I chose for so many reasons that it's a better fit for me in every way and am very excited about it). I even used to have temper tantrums as a kid telling my dad (a physician who didn't care about whether or not I would be a physician) that if I wasn't a physician then I wasn't anything at all. I know, ridiculous.
He, of course, told me I had to let go of this belief system because it's ridiculous but that was a whole process in itself. Now I have no such beliefs but it took me time. Maturity, I guess. Seeing more of the world, understanding that labels don't make people happy...

But that was how bad my self-esteem and lack of self-worth were.

 - - - - - -

I finished writing the above several months ago. I am publishing it today. I am now a practicing nurse for 8 months and so much has happened. These lessons speak even more to me now than they did then. I see even more than I did when I wrote this. That's how time works. 

Lesson # who knows??: Everything takes time. Give things time. 

And with this, I am closing this post and I will get to writing how much I see these lessons speaking truth to me as I move forward. 

The World Is But A Reflection

I recently recalled an experience I had one day before Covid that taught me a lesson in an interesting way. I had come early to my school campus to get some work done. At some point during my studying I found myself looking out the window, spacing out and wondering if the whole doctorate path was worth it for me. At the time I really wasn’t so sure about it and kind of even felt it was becoming a burden of an expectation that I had on myself. 

I noticed that the building across the street constantly had a ton of people entering and leaving. From what I could see they were wearing suits and carrying suitcases, and so I figured it was probably the law school. I then started to think about how much it must suck to have to walk around in a suit all day and come in so early and deal with all those cases. They looked like robots, so ordered and timely and rigid. For a moment I visualized them sitting with a pile of papers at their desks or sitting in on a court case. I imagined how unhappy they all must be, thinking they are striving for what they THINK will make them happy (as if they had to be made happy) to be so willing to spend their time- their lives- in that way. (As if I knew what it was even all about... clearly I was making false assumptions and conclusions in my mind without any context whatsoever). 

As time went on I started to realize that I was only thinking that way because I was reflecting what I saw and making conclusions based off of my own feelings at that time. There I was also coming in early to do work, wearing scrubs, and spending my energy doing something challenging and HARD.

But then I realized that it didn’t have to be hard like that. Not if I enjoyed it and found it to be rewarding. If I was going to look at this choice the way I was, then it would just make me unhappy and everyone else around me according to me would also be unhappy. 

Many times what we see in others is what is going on in ourselves. I had heard of this idea before but never actually understood it.

Those people might love what they do and not even mind the suits, just as despite it being challenging I know today that I love what I do and am proud to wear scrubs (and one day a white coat 😊). I’ve come to find that purpose and passion in it for myself (those that started me on this journey in the first place), and the rewarding feeling being able to walk this path. It took me time to get to that point, and I knew that if I didn’t I’d have to make a switch real fast. It was like an epiphany that lasted 2 minutes but felt like an hour long.

Many times we don’t give our thoughts and feelings enough attention. We don’t sit with them and study them and ask why we think or feel something. And I actually think that being able to do just that can lead us towards our personal truth and path. 🔐 

24 Things I've Learned in 24 Years

1️⃣ some of the best experiences can come from stepping out of your comfort zone, facing your fears, going against the grain, and doing that which defies even your own expectations 2️⃣enjoy the journey instead of being preoccupied about the destination 3️⃣there is a lot that can be learned from others so never underestimate someone else’s potential to teach you something 4️⃣life comes at you fast so it’s ok to take things slow sometimes. Don’t rush what already goes by so quickly 5️⃣time is of the essence and patience is a virtue 6️⃣the best friendships are those that pick up like there was never any time apart 7️⃣it’s better to try and fail than to never try and not know 8️⃣Most “problems” are non-existent. If it can be resolved by action, then it’s not a problem 9️⃣smiling makes everything better (though resting bitch face is comfortable so I’m not saying that won’t be happening😬) 1️⃣0️⃣ONE thing isn’t EVERYthing 1️⃣1️⃣do what makes you happy, not what will make other people think that you are happy 1️⃣2️⃣it’s the small actions and decisions that make big changes 1️⃣3️⃣the only person you have to prove something to is yourself. The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you want to be 1️⃣4️⃣the universe doesn’t care if you’re unhappy and things won’t change just because you want them to... if you want to change, then you gotta make moves 1️⃣5️⃣don’t confuse thoughts/plans with actions. You may be thinking a lot about doing something and never actually take the necessary steps 1️⃣6️⃣be positive and be kind- even when it’s hard 1️⃣7️⃣be more afraid of not doing said thing, than afraid of doing it 1️⃣8️⃣life truly does begin when you decide to be brave enough to leave your comfort zone 1️⃣9️⃣quality > quantity 2️⃣0️⃣replace fear with excitement. Stop worrying about what could go wrong and be excited about what could go right 2️⃣1️⃣don’t forget to remember why you started. Don’t complain about the decisions you made 2️⃣2️⃣ faith goes a really long way2️⃣3️⃣be curious and be passionate. Ask a lot of questions and act on your intuition 2️⃣4️⃣ choose to be happy because you can even when you feel like you can’t. 

#personalgrowth #selfimprovement #successfulpeople #dowhatyoulove #empowerment #lovinglife

Time

Time. 

Before we know it, it has forever slipped out of our hands and there is absolutely nothing that we can do to get it back. We can only learn and agree to use the rest that we have left, to do more and be more than we were previously.

The good and the bad news is that time is finite. This is a good thing because it reminds us of the value of every moment. We aren’t just existing. We are creating realities in a measurable spectrum, in an immeasurable capacity. We have so much potential as human beings to create, imagine, and bring about change. 

How can one allow time to be on his or her side? By being conscious and aware. By caring about how you spend it! By saying no to certain things.

Time was given to us for free. It’s not a gift, it’s a privilege. The time we have now was not paid for. We didn’t have to fight for time on this earth.

Time is not on your side. But only if you don’t allow it to be.

(And especially now while many of us are in quarantine, you still have the power to make decisions about what to do with it.)

Currently reading “Wisdom from the Batcave” by Cary Friedman. I figured it would be nice to share some of his ideas about dealing with adversity, considering the fact that we are all dealing with adversity right now in the face of coronavirus.

💡We can always choose how to respond to difficulties and challenges. It's easy to succumb to anxiety and fear and to wallow in self-pity. The true test is to face the difficulties that confront us and try to impose order in our messy lives. 

💡”Misfortune creates opportunities for personal growth, development, and refinement of character.” Use every opportunity to develop and refine yourself. Now is a great time to do this considering that many of us are off from school and work (online school is basically off from school, let’s be real😉). Though it comes with challenges, we have more time now than ever to spend with our immediate families, start or finish a project that is long overdue, and even reconsider the paths we are taking. Facing the truth of your reality may be hard for you, and that in itself is an opportunity to build up resilience and make some important changes in your life. 

💡Generating some light, even if it’s a little bit, begins to dispel the darkness that surrounds us. Stay positive for not only your sake but also those who rely on you and who must now be in your presence for much of their time. Be there for each other, and share your positivity with friends and extended family too.

💡Our personal pain, fear, and struggles can harden us or make us more empathetic and caring towards others. Right now we all need to support each other and when better to do this when we are all in the same boat? Allow this experience to make you kinder, more understanding of others, and more giving of your time and energy to those who might need it. Call a friend, send a message… it’s easier than ever right now to communicate from a distance.

How to be happy despite conflicts and struggles | from a psychiatrist

Currently reading Let Us Make Man by Psychiatrist Dr. Abrahama Twersky.

He makes several points about self-esteem and happiness that really expanded my views on these topics.

Happiness can exist without 100% contentment
We are never going to be fully content. As humans, that is not natural. We are always striving for more and better.
We can be striving and not fully satisfied YET happy at the same time.
Happiness can coexist with discontent.
It allowed me to feel I have the permission and ability to not have everything I want/need and still be happy. 
Sometimes I feel that I need to work harder to earn that happiness, but this reminds it is natural to want more, yet should not confine ourselves to only allowing ourselves to feel happy when we attain that said thing.

We don't always know the meaning that things have.
As humans, we have limited capacity to understand things on a higher level. That is, limited perspective. We see things happening to us on only one level and from one angle. We don't know what it could mean for us in the future and why those things happen. Ever have something seemingly negative happen and then you realize later on that it had a higher place and purpose in your life?

It's good to have faith
If not in G-d or higher power or force... then in the idea that there are things happening that we could not possibly understand how it could be good in any way.
Related to the topic above: there could be something beyond har we see, know and comprehend. 
Trust that your suffering or challenges are not in vain, that there is some transcendental purpose. While it does not remove the pain or answer why these things happen to us, it can give us the courage and strength to deal with tragedy and struggles.

Accepting adversity with happiness 
Accepting adversity with happiness in the sense of faith and trust allows us to feel joy from other events in life that warrant true joy. 

Accept that conflict is natural and so choose to be happy despite it 
We are so obsessed with resolving conflict, that we forget that we can still be happy despite it. We instead must learn to cope with it and overcome it. 

#personalgrowth #selfimprovement #successfulpeople #dowhatyoulove #empowerment #lovinglife #overcomeobstacles #herincrediblemindset #innergrowth #newmindset #mindsetshift #growthquotes #millennialtherapist #mentalhealthmatters #intentionalliving #healthyhabits #selfcare #selflove #happylifequotes #journeyoflife #selflove #selfimprovement #goalsetting #dreambigworkhard #letsdothis💪 #herewego #bossbabe #personaldevelopment #growthmindset🌱 #happyandhealthy #ilovemyself #ilovelife #thegoodquote #mytimetoshine #betterme #bettermemission #icanachieveanything #iamawinner #lewishowes #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #womenofimpact #impacttheory

How To Let Go Of Your Expectations | Bliss Through Mindfulness

I am working through a mindfulness workbook by Tessa Watt. 

One point she mentioned in her book is the concept of letting go of goal setting and the constant seeking of results. While it's natural to look for a result, but necessary to take a break from that way of thinking in order to find your peace. 

You can still incorporate these ideas into your life even if you're not yet practicing mindfulness.

Watch my latest video here! 

In my latest video I discuss:

• Why we need to suspend our judgment about ourselves and the things we don't like- you can't be judgmental and accepting at the same time. You must not judge the fact that you are in the non-striving and non-doing phase... stop judging yourself for that and accept where you are in the moment 

• How it's all about slow progress and retraining our habits and thought patterns- we don't always see those major shifts at the moment as they are occurring... they show up over time

• Realizing and being aware of what triggers our anxiety and a one minute practice that can help you cope in those moments- learning how to calm down and cope 

• Accepting where we are and who we are right now, although we are striving for greater- it's important to appreciate the here and now, and not be constantly thinking about what's coming next

• Letting go of the "constant doing" mentality- all my fellow busy bees need to hear this 

• How acceptance can open us to new opportunities and possibilities, and even allow for positive change 

• Learning to give up control- even though it can be scary, learning to give up control will make you a happier and healthier person 

#personalgrowth #selfimprovement #successfulpeople #dowhatyoulove #empowerment #lovinglife #overcomeobstacles #herincrediblemindset #innergrowth #newmindset #mindsetshift #growthquotes #millennialtherapist #mentalhealthmatters #intentionalliving #healthyhabits #selfcare #selflove #happylifequotes #journeyoflife #selflove #selfimprovement #goalsetting #dreambigworkhard #letsdothis💪 #herewego #bossbabe #personaldevelopment #growthmindset🌱 #happyandhealthy #ilovemyself #ilovelife #thegoodquote #mytimetoshine #betterme #bettermemission #icanachieveanything #iamawinner #lewishowes #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #womenofimpact #impacttheory 

4 Steps to Overcoming Your Fears | Chronic Anxiety to LOVING Life

I talk a lot about fear and anxiety that I have overcome. 

I want to share with you how I have overcome my fears so well, that I am doing things today that I could have only dreamed about 10 years ago.  

Overcoming fears takes a lot of energy and you have to be intentional because it is unlikely that you will overcome them if you don't try to. 

Sometimes we grow out of our fears but here I am talking about those ideas and beliefs that you have ingrained in you and may be causing issues for you as you grow older. 

Watch the Youtube video here

Also, you want to face the root of your issues because once you do, you understand why you have other struggles. Overcoming my core fears and understanding how they have affected me has allowed me to lead an overall healthier and more fulfilling life. 

#1: Become aware of your fears

You need clarity when it comes to understanding your psychology. Take time to be with yourself and reflect. 

Write them down. list them out. 

#2: Meditate on how developed and from where they come

Think about your childhood, thought patterns, how you were raised, etc. 

Clarity comes through reflection.

Try to think back to when those fears or unhealthy thoughts started. What is your first memory of your fear?

Through thinking about it all you can come to understand your own psychology and how things played out in your life. 

You can pick up on things you didn't before. 

#3: List out how they help you and how they hinder you  

Realize the roles they play in your life. 

Ex: fear of not being perfect hinders me because it overwhelms me with the idea that if I'm not perfect then I'm not enough which leads into a self-esteem issue and lack of self-worth. It helps me because it motivates me to be involved, active and get more done.  

#4: Run towards them, put yourself in situations where you face your fears

Fear is a mechanism for survival.

Do not avoid your fears, embrace them. 

Use it to your advantage to propel you forward.

You can even try to work backwards- starting from where you want to be and thinking about what you would need to do to get there/that. 

#personalgrowth #selfimprovement #successfulpeople #dowhatyoulove #empowerment #lovinglife #overcomeobstacles #herincrediblemindset #innergrowth #newmindset #mindsetshift #growthquotes #millennialtherapist #mentalhealthmatters #intentionalliving #healthyhabits #selfcare #selflove #happylifequotes #journeyoflife #selflove #selfimprovement #goalsetting #dreambigworkhard #letsdothis💪 #herewego #bossbabe #personaldevelopment #growthmindset🌱 #happyandhealthy #ilovemyself #ilovelife #thegoodquote #mytimetoshine #betterme #bettermemission #icanachieveanything #iamawinner #lewishowes #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #womenofimpact #impacttheory

How To Let Things Go For Good | Brain Hack

Ready to move on from something or someone, but need a way to process for much-needed clarity and closure?
I have a technique I use that always makes a huge difference. 
Watch my youtube video here to hear it :) 

4 Ways to Deal With Sensitivity | Difficult People

We all deal with being sensitive on some level. Or maybe if we aren't so sensitive, but we still have our moments.

Other times, we aren't just being sensitive. People can be mean and we have to learn how to properly deal with those who are emotionally underdeveloped. 

To watch the video, go here!

Sensitivity is something I had to overcome at a young age. As a child, I was the one who was always upset. Also having been extremely shy and socially anxious, I was always afraid someone would say something hurtful and expected that people would. 

That, as you can imagine, caused many issues for me. I had to learn to overcome that strong emotion and realize that many (if not most or all of the time) these feelings were not necessary. 

There were several things I had to come to understand, and I am still learning about how to be more emotionally healthy all the time. Here are some things you can refer to when you need to step back and recalibrate:

1. Realize that not everything is about you.

The way a person behaves, speaks, what they say and how they say it (even when interacting with you) have nothing to do with you. Most of the time we don't know what is going on in another person's life. Maybe they just lost someone, maybe they're just insecure, maybe they just had a bad interaction with someone else and that's why they're acting rude and cold towards you. Maybe they are sensitive and afraid, and so have built a wall to show that they aren't. The way another person presents themself to you has nothing to do with you. 

2. Building up resilience is always important because there will be times when people are nasty. 

This is the type of advice that mothers give their kids when they're being bullied at school. However, as I get older, I have come to realize that bullying can happen anywhere at any step in the game. In the workplace, especially. It is sad that this is how it is, and it really is unacceptable... but it's inevitable that at some point we will have to overcome the emotions that come with being hurt. Therefore, it is wise for us to arm ourselves with resilience and to prepare ourselves to deal with other people's inabilities to cope with their own emotions. 

"Hurting people hurt people." Ever heard of this? It's so insanely true. Happy people do not go around making other people miserable. Think about it: when you're in a good mood, you have no desire to hurt others. You don't need that validation that you have that kind of power over people, and no need to make somebody feel bad about themselves. 

Some of my other points are referring to when we are being overly-sensitive, but this point is really for everybody. We must learn to bounce back from feeling hurt, afraid of rejection, and disappointment in others for how they behave towards us. 

3. We cannot control others, we can only control ourselves. 

You cannot determine what other people will say or feel about you. You can only control how you choose to respond. Yes... you can choose how you will respond even when you're feeling angry, hurt, and bitter. 
When you do find yourself in a situation like this, make sure to step back and take some deep breaths. Realize that you're trying your best and are not a bad person. Your feelings are valid and you are not deserving of ill-treatment. Remember that your goals are to focus on yourself and that the only validation you truly need is from yourself. Remember that there is no reason to stoop to that person's level. You are better than that. You are amazing. Amazing people don't need to put others down. 

3. Stay in your lane, focus on yourself (you deserve to).

You don't need to spend time recalling what other people said or did to you (though this is challenging sometimes). You have an amazing life that you're continuing to create and build. Put your energy on that. Focus your energy and attention on the positive aspects of whats going on around/to you. Don't give hurting people the right to make you feel hurt. 
Get back to focusing on yourself, your goals, mission, dreams...
Don't give rude people space in your mind. 
Don't let others live rent-free in your brain. 

#personalgrowth #selfimprovement #successfulpeople #dowhatyoulove #empowerment #lovinglife #overcomeobstacles #herincrediblemindset #innergrowth #newmindset #mindsetshift #growthquotes #millennialtherapist #mentalhealthmatters #intentionalliving #healthyhabits #selfcare #selflove #happylifequotes #journeyoflife #selflove #selfimprovement #goalsetting #dreambigworkhard #letsdothis💪 #herewego #bossbabe #personaldevelopment #growthmindset🌱 #happyandhealthy #ilovemyself #ilovelife #thegoodquote #mytimetoshine #betterme #bettermemission #icanachieveanything #iamawinner #lewishowes #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen #womenofimpact #impacttheory