There are Millions of Different Realities

I meant to write this blog post right after watching the hit Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. I didn't have a chance to work on it right after I finished watching the series and so here I am now a month later, finishing up this blog post.

There are may views and opinions on the show- specifically the storyline and the nature of the main character's response to the situations in her life. Some believe she over-reacted, some didn't think the scenarios were realistic, etc . . .

However, whether or not you feel those ways or all-together just simply did not like the show- there is something that is astoundingly true. There is a stark reality of life that is very well depicted in the series. This is something that everyone can relate to, learn from, and should absolutely apply to their lives.

This reality that I am referring to is the MILLIONS of DIFFERENT realities experienced by ALL PEOPLE.

Yes, the millions of different realities. Think about this. It is something so simple and that we know is obviously true. You may be wondering why I am making a deal of this. But how often do you actually think about this? Like, really actually authentically honestly think about this.

You never know what is going on in a person's life. The way people act, the things they do, the things they say... are all reflections of their personal lives- which we may well know little to nothing about.

I think this show did a phenomenal job at representing this truth, and at representing how rarely people actually tend to give attention to this fact. Everyone gets caught up in their own lives and have their own opinions about things, but we must remember that this is exactly why we must be careful. Just because something isn't a big deal to us, it doesn't mean it's not a big deal to someone else.

Also, we don't know what is going on in other people's lives. You just might be their last straw. What you say or do, or don't say or don't do, maybe a major factor. It may be able to change someone's day or even life.

The actors and Selena Gomez (executive producer) mentioned it was the aim of the show to get people to treat each other better. Its goal was to change the way people look at each other and perceive others. It is a call-to-action; it is calling out to young people these days, to change the way they treat each other.

The take-away of this blog post is such:

Your words and actions matter. Choose them wisely. If you want to make a change, make a good change. Be the good change, the happy moment, or the saving factor in someone's life.
Just because you think something is a small matter, it doesn't mean it's a small matter to someone else.
Your happiest moment might be occurring at the same time someone else is experiencing their worst moment.
Just because you don't see something, doesn't mean it's not happening.

Let's all be nicer to each other and take upon ourselves to make this world a better, happier place for all of us. Do your part.

Why You Should Start Writing

Writing is something that I have always enjoyed- whether it be poetry, music, blog posts, or in personal journals. Here are some reasons why you should start writing too:

• You start to notice things about the world and things about yourself that you would not have noticed otherwise. Writing allows for the free-flowing of all your thoughts and emotions. Simply thinking or trying to sort out my thoughts a lot of times results in confusion and basically not really getting anywhere. When I'm really unsure about how I am feeling, I know that simply writing everything out will allow me to really understand what I'm trying to say (to myself even). Through this process- pouring out your thoughts (even in an unorganized fashion) allows you to learn a lot about yourself. You begin to realize a pattern with yourself such as where your thoughts drift, what you spend most of your time thinking about, what you consider to be most important to yourself, what might truly make you feel happy and at peace, and the best way for you to deal with your emotions. And surprisingly, through learning more about yourself, you also begin to realize things about other people and the world in general. You begin realizing that certain things don't only apply to you and you become more cognizant of others' emotions because you are so in tune with your own. I have noticed that the more I understand myself, the more I come to understand others, why other people do the things they do, and how to help others. How? Because I start noticing other people doing things or acting in ways I do or did- and you understand their positions on those things or actions because you were able to analyze that said thing. 
• You become more cognizant of what you are feeling. Thoughts and emotions can be extremely abstract. They can be difficult to discern and organize. Even though something may seem simple, oftentimes we overcomplicate them with over-thinking and over-contemplating. Writing things out makes you really think of what you're trying to say and puts thoughts and feelings into words. Sometimes you may even come to realize that there isn't really anything to say- your discombobulated thoughts and spur of emotions are just due to anxiety that has no place in your life. I can't tell you how many times writing has made me realize that I was wasting time on literally nothing. 

• One of the best ways to communicate. Like I said before, writing out feelings and thoughts helps us organize and make sense of them. Sometimes, this works better than just talking things out. Like a story. How many books do you think would have been as good as they were if they were spoken? Sometimes, words can express more emotions and can give a person the opportunity to absorb the feelings that a writer is trying to convey. Or writing a letter to a friend, such as on their birthday. There is something different about writing out for someone how much you appreciate them. I want to bring up another wonderful example of how writing can help you communicate with others. This one you may find surprising. I certainly did. A couple of months ago, I got into an argument with my sister. I was so upset at her, that I didn't even want to talk to her. Even if I wanted to I knew that if I would, she would get defensive and we would only end up exhausted from fighting and not really getting anywhere. My dad-a psychiatrist- gave me a very good idea. He recommended that I write her a letter. At first, I was skeptical of this idea. I thought it was sort of weird. But he insisted that I write one and that it would be easier for her to understand where I was coming from. So I did. I spent about an hour writing her a 3-page letter (12-point font and single-spaced). I really thought about all the things I wanted to say to her. You know how when you are in the midst of an argument and you realize that you don't know how to get your point across, or how to express why you're upset or what the other person did wrong, or realize that you used the wrong words? Or worse yet, you look back after an argument and wish you had said something you didn't say or didn't say something you did say? Writing a letter instead of confronting her in person, gave me the time to think my argument out. It gave me an opportunity to see what I may have done wrong and caused to precipitate the argument. It gave me the opportunity to choose the right words, the ones that best expressed my frustration- and to explain myself in an organized way. Sometimes when we get upset at people, there are also underlying things that are bothering us. A lot of times, people argue because of a culmination of things- little things a person does, how a person tends to act, what another person always seems to do, etc. In this 3-page letter, I was able to write out everything I wanted to say. Point-by-point. I knew that if I confronted her- it would end the same as usual- telling her why I was upset, then bringing something else up- and getting to the point where we were both confused and not even sure how to finish the discussion. Writing the letter allowed me to go through everything I was angry about in an organized manner so that she could understand why I was upset. It was also probably the fairest way I could confront her. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes and have our faults. Nobody likes being confronted and all of a sudden having to defend themselves. By writing my sister a letter, I gave her the opportunity to think through how she wanted to respond and to really understand where I was coming from. It was the best thing I could've done for her too (and for our relationship in general). She then ended up writing to me why she was upset and we were able to fix the problem in a matter of 20 minutes. I had made it clear that I wasn't blaming her- but rather I was just trying to tell her how I felt. So it really was just a discussion and not an argument from that point on. So, some pointers on the set way to do this:

• Start off with "Name,". This shows that you are indeed writing a letter, which is waaayyyy different than just a regular word document of you throwing insults and reasons why you are angry. It will give the other person the understanding that you are not trying to disrespect them, which will allow them to start reading the letter without having their guard up (which is always good when you're trying to have an open conversation with the intent of going somewhere). 
• The first paragraph should sound something like this: "I am writing you this letter because I am too upset to talk to you in person. This letter is not to blame you for anything or to continue an argument- it is simply me letting you know how I feel because I don't like whatever it is that always happens between us. I am in no way trying to play a victim and am not allowing myself to be on the defensive. I am simply saying whatever it is that is bothering me and letting you do whatever you want with it." 
• Be honest!!!! If you don't remember exactly what went down, then say that. And always share your downfall too. Mention what you did wrong, how you could've acted better, and what you could've done differently (if it applies to your situation) Something like: "I honestly don’t remember what our last argument was about- but there’s been a general pattern of you getting aggravated and starting to act rudely towards me. I remember having said some mean things to you. That wasn’t very good of me. It makes me upset that I stoop to such a low."

• Slows life for a bit. I love writing when I don't want to forget a moment or when I know I will miss a moment (as in feel nostalgic for it). I always feel that writing in the moment allows for me to stay in the moment for longer. I don't really know why, but I have been doing this for a while now- writing in moments (sorry- I keep using that word) that I just want to enjoy. You may wonder, "well, wouldn't that ruin the moment since you're paying attention to writing about it?" However, writing down how I feel helps me to sort of savor those emotions that I'm feeling. This also eventually makes for a really good souvenir. I usually write the location, date and, time. I love in the future being able to read through my notes and having them to remind me of how I felt.