It may or may not surprise you that many people suffer from social anxiety. Social anxiety is, in fact, one of the most common health problems.
If you have social anxiety, then you know just how frightening it may be to stand in a room full of people or attend events in which you have to actually. . . talk to . . .people.
This is a post specifically for those of you who wish to overcome your social anxiety, but just don't know how to go about doing so. You feel that you are missing out in life because you can't enjoy yourself whenever you step foot out of your comfort zone, which may just be your house. Only your house. Where you only spend so much of your time.
I would just like to let you know that overcoming your social fear is completely possible. I consider myself living proof. While I am currently very socially stable and confident, I do not think I could possibly forget my socially awkward days.
Hopefully, this post can help you. I really hope that it does. However, I cannot promise that they will work for everybody. I speak from my own knowledge and not any scientific research.
In addition to being socially anxious, I was also extremely sensitive. If somebody looked at me, not even in a mean manner, or made a light joke about me, I would instantly tense and become overwhelmed. This sensitivity only increased my social fears and therefore hindered my ability to make friends.
As a kid- specifically during my elementary and middle school years- I was really shy and did not have great social skills. Not only was I afraid to talk to people, but I really did not know how to interact with others. I simply could not understand how to say hi to somebody without being awkward, or continue a conversation without getting nervous about possibly saying something "stupid" or the other person losing interest in me.
It was during the summer of my entering seventh grade that I realized that I had to overcome my social anxiety. There were several reasons for my wanting to overcome my fear:
1. I knew that I was missing out- I was emotionally exhausted of constantly worrying of what others thought of me, or wether I was likable or not. All of the stress was holding me back from achieving my goals, from being myself, and from enjoying my life.
2. I understood that social skills are extremely important- not only because I am human and interaction with others is crucial for survival, but because I could not possibly live my life while being afraid of socializing. How could I enjoy my high school years if I am unable to make friends? How will I build a network for myself one day when I am searching for a job? How will I find the right person to marry one day?
3. I wanted to be social- this may not seem like a reason, but it is in fact the most important reason of all! Some people simply prefer to be left alone. They are not social because they choose not to be social. I, on the other hand, wanted to be social. I knew that becoming a social person would make me a happier person as well. Today, not being afraid of social interaction, has indeed made me a happier and healthier person.
So there I was, 12 years old, decided that I wanted to get over my fear of being social.
Where could I even start??
Well, there were a few changes that I had to make internally before I could express the changes externally. First I had to deal with my sensitivity, because my sensitivity was blockading my path to becoming social. There were two techniques that had helped me become emotionally stronger:
1. I commanded myself to GET OVER MYSLEF- I told myself, "Look, you have a problem. Unless you stop making yourself a victim to others' opinions and stop feeling bad for yourself, you will live a difficult and unaccomplished life." I knew that this was true, but would tell myself whenever I felt hurt by something.
2. I began being my own trainer- I learned a great psychological truth: it is easier to overcome a difficulty if you accept it instead of reject it. Every time I felt hurt by something, I would tell myself, "Get over it. It is not that big of a deal. Stop being childish." OR, I would imagine somebody else telling me to stop being so sensitive and to move on. Obviously, if somebody is really bullying you, then yes, you should do something about that. I would feel hurt by everybody's every move. Yes, this sounds crazy, but it was very true. Somebody could have spoken to me while not smiling, and I automatically assumed that they did not like me because there was something wrong with me. Or, that same person could have not said anything at all and I would have concluded that they did not like me.
Over time, I had felt much more emotionally stronger. I had gotten accustomed to reprimanding myself for taking things too personally, and felt that it was easier to be more realistic about others' and my own actions.
After learning to overcome my sensitivity, I was ready to start my path towards becoming the person I wanted to be. Now that I could accept rejection and was not so vulnerable towards others' actions, it was time for me to begin making external changes. This is how I went about doing so:
1. Determine exactly what "being social" means to you- to me, being social meant that I could express myself and my personality as I wished to, without having any fear whatsoever. Being able to do so also meant having the ability to socialize with different types of people- I would not be afraid to ask a question, state my opinion or make a joke.
2. Observe- think of people in your life who are really good at socializing. People who don't have anxiety or self- conscious issues. People who seem to make friends wherever they go, and attract other nice people. Observe, learn, and apply!!! You can do it too!! How do they walk? What kind of facial expressions do they make? How do they stand while talking to people? How do they react to different situations? How do they express confidence?? I do not mean that you should become that person. NO!! I am saying that you should learn from others' strong aspects and use those observations to help improve yourself. Talk to these people if you can, ask them how they perceive and feel about social situations. I observed and applied my sister's social techniques\abilities. She is one of those people who attracts others, who others are interested in and enjoy listening to. A lot of people these days actually tell me that I do certain things the way she does- that was how well I was able to apply this concept to change my life. I was still myself- we definitely have our differences- but I was able to learn off of her and incorporate her abilities into my own abilities. Observe, learn, and apply!!!
3. Make your own opportunities- Don't wait to be called on in class or have somebody introduce themselves to you. You do it. Ask your question. Introduce yourself to the girl sitting next to you. You will feel better about your social life because you will realize that you have taken the reigns of your own life. You call the shots! This is your show! Whenever I would sit in school assemblies, in front of all the other students, I would stand up and ask my question. Maybe I would falter once or twice (people don't remember these little things for as long as you do- they forget a few seconds afterwards ad couldn't care less, truthfully), but I was overcoming my fear and that was all that mattered.
Well, five years after I made my decision to be more social and I do not think I could have made a better move.
Realize that attaining complete comfort near and with others did not come easily all the time, and that I am where I am today socially after four years of working on myself. This takes time, but it is so worth it.
Then:
- Did not have many friends
- Afraid of rejection, cared too much about what people thought
- Could not express myself
Now:
- Have a variety of different friends who I feel I can be open with
- Don't care about what others think (I actually surprised myself with this one because I don't think about others' opinions at all)
- Do not fear showing my personality, making a joke, stating my opinion, or introducing myself
Though these changes come with age, I do not believe that I would have been able to overcome so much anxiety if I had not pushed myself. Don't just wait for the "right time" or the "right people." Allow yourself to have the gift of being able to speak with and learn about many types of people.
You will feel more accomplished and satisfied with your life.
A few extra tips in case you feel you need some:
- Smile, keep your back straight, hold your head up high.
- Don't allow somebody's bad day to discourage you from a lifetime of meeting wonderful people.
- Instead of paying so much attention to others, pay attention to yourself. Think of ways in which you can improve or imagine yourself in a social situation that you hope to one day succeed in.
- Keep a journal specifically for your social journey so that you can write your good and bad memories- one day you can look back at it and get some good laughs. I actually did this, and read it to my family after I had overcome the difficulty. We had some nice laughs and I felt happy all over again!!
Don't be afraid to live your life the way that you want to live it. The reward is worth the challenge!!
Good luck! Please let me know if you enjoyed this post! Comment, like, whatever!!
Thanks!! Now go and kick some butt!!