Two Year Work Anniversary

Today is my two year anniversary working as a registered nurse 👩🏻‍⚕️ Also the week when COVID became a thing back in 2020 😪 Meaning I was working as a brand new float nurse (which already was the position that new and even seasoned nurses stayed away from because of how challenging it is) while also dealing with constantly changing standards for a pandemic that no one knew anything about. I don’t think there will ever be anything that can compare to starting my nursing career during the first global pandemic since… I’m not even sure 😑 Or those times when I was sent to the ICU with no formal introduction… that was interesting to say the least 😳

There are many things that challenging experience taught me, but probably the most important is to simply keep moving forward and that hard times don’t last forever even though sometimes they feel like they will. I knew I wanted to work in the field of aesthetic medicine, and had even written out a whole plan when I graduated for how I was going to achieve that goal. But the beginning of the journey… well, it sucked. And it came with other challenges too. But it makes it all the more worthwhile to know that one could start in the last place they could have ever wanted or imagined, and end up (with guts and hard work and help from God lol) where they alway wanted to be🙏🏻

Oh, and this is my first headshot since like high school so yeah 🤓

What Music Do You Need To Remember? (On Being Reinspired)

 The last several weeks have been quite intense. For the first time in the 8 months that I have been working as a registered nurse, I felt overwhelmed by the idea of going to work. Working as a new nurse in the midst of a global pandemic wasn't even the challenge. 

The last several weeks at work saw one of my patients having to be flown out to another hospital because her case was too complicated (blood leaking out into her lungs from her aorta), the first time having a patient have a stroke, my first time having a patient die on me, having to do CPR and postmortem care and several rapid responses...

For me, medicine has always been about my purpose, my mission, and my passion. I know I'm meant to be in this field and to eventually become a doctor. I love what I do and I'm so grateful I get to do it. 

But the other morning I couldn't see any of that. 

I felt overwhelmed with it all. And even though every nurse waits for her turn to face the inevitable of being in this field and knows that this is what we have chosen... facing people die, having to tell their loved ones, dealing with emergencies... it doesn't make it any easier. 

As I was driving to work that morning, feeling sad and dreading the next 14 hours.... listening to music... a specific song came on that changed everything for me. 

"You never know you crossed the line till you get to the other side... The only way out is to face it... cause no one ever taught us to hide... the hardest walls to fight are the ones we wage inside."

It took me back to my junior year of high school when I had just started at a new school and was having a hard time adjusting. It was a very challenging time in my life so much so that I did something I had never done before (being that I was way too studious and always concerned about doing well in school). 

I totally blanked while taking my chemistry exam. I literally looked at the exam that I had spent hours studying for and for some unknown reason absolutely nothing made any sense to me. I couldn't do simple math or understand simple instructions. It was like my brain shut off. 

I was so overwhelmed at that point that I even tried to turn in the exam right then and there, incomplete, and tell my teacher that I had to go home because I didn't feel well. He told me I could leave once I turned it in. I left school that day right after that class (which was my very first and it was only 7:45am) and spent the rest of the day incapable of doing anything but lying in my bed. I couldn't eat, study, get up, or talk to anyone.

The only thing that comforted me at that moment was this song. I spent hours listening to it. I have no idea why. 

I don't remember what I got on the test... but fast forward 3 years and I got an A in my college chemistry course which was on probation for failing too many students... and 7 years later I'm in a medical program attaining my doctorate in my dream profession. 

I hadn't listened to this song in a very long time, and it had come on so randomly and unexpectedly. I started to cry on my way to work (and it wasn't yet 7am). 

It reminded me of that challenge I had experienced and how horrible I felt at that time. It reminded me of everything I had been able to achieve despite it. It reminded me that I was where I was because I got through so many obstacles. It reminded me of how afraid I was and how I felt so stuck and incapable of succeeding. 

And yet there I was on my chosen trajectory. I was doing everything I had set out to do. And even though it was scary and HARD, I was doing it. 

I decided to see the positive in everything I had experienced in the previous weeks. How I officially felt like a real nurse. How much more confident I am because I've had to deal with these emergencies. How I feel like I can face anything now. How grateful my patients are and all the times I have people tell me they're proud of me or respect me for what I do and for helping their family members. How it is really cool to be part of a team of people who have the skillset to save others. 

At that moment I decided that I was going to have a great day. 

And I did. The first good day at work in a very long time. 

Lesson learned: remember the music. 

What is the music that you need to remember?

The World Is But A Reflection

I recently recalled an experience I had one day before Covid that taught me a lesson in an interesting way. I had come early to my school campus to get some work done. At some point during my studying I found myself looking out the window, spacing out and wondering if the whole doctorate path was worth it for me. At the time I really wasn’t so sure about it and kind of even felt it was becoming a burden of an expectation that I had on myself. 

I noticed that the building across the street constantly had a ton of people entering and leaving. From what I could see they were wearing suits and carrying suitcases, and so I figured it was probably the law school. I then started to think about how much it must suck to have to walk around in a suit all day and come in so early and deal with all those cases. They looked like robots, so ordered and timely and rigid. For a moment I visualized them sitting with a pile of papers at their desks or sitting in on a court case. I imagined how unhappy they all must be, thinking they are striving for what they THINK will make them happy (as if they had to be made happy) to be so willing to spend their time- their lives- in that way. (As if I knew what it was even all about... clearly I was making false assumptions and conclusions in my mind without any context whatsoever). 

As time went on I started to realize that I was only thinking that way because I was reflecting what I saw and making conclusions based off of my own feelings at that time. There I was also coming in early to do work, wearing scrubs, and spending my energy doing something challenging and HARD.

But then I realized that it didn’t have to be hard like that. Not if I enjoyed it and found it to be rewarding. If I was going to look at this choice the way I was, then it would just make me unhappy and everyone else around me according to me would also be unhappy. 

Many times what we see in others is what is going on in ourselves. I had heard of this idea before but never actually understood it.

Those people might love what they do and not even mind the suits, just as despite it being challenging I know today that I love what I do and am proud to wear scrubs (and one day a white coat 😊). I’ve come to find that purpose and passion in it for myself (those that started me on this journey in the first place), and the rewarding feeling being able to walk this path. It took me time to get to that point, and I knew that if I didn’t I’d have to make a switch real fast. It was like an epiphany that lasted 2 minutes but felt like an hour long.

Many times we don’t give our thoughts and feelings enough attention. We don’t sit with them and study them and ask why we think or feel something. And I actually think that being able to do just that can lead us towards our personal truth and path. 🔐 

Building Meaningful Relationships at Work

I finalized my flight to Israel 🇮🇱today!

Since I will be going abroad for several months, I needed something temporary in between taking my nursing boards and leaving.

I decided to do a medical affairs internship so that I can make some money, and to give me something to do with my summertime.

This experience has ended up being so much more valuable than I thought it would be. Not only have I learned a tremendous amount about the other aspects of healthcare (which are VAST, let me tell you), but I have also acquired vital knowledge about work-space social life (which is more important than I realized).

When my friends asked about my finally being done with the dreadful nursing board exam (officially an RN!!), I told them I was taking the rest of the summer to just relax.

"By getting an internship?" they asked with confused faces. 

Because I love my experience with this internship, it doesn't even feel like work. I attribute this to the relationships I have with my coworkers and to the work environment.

I have learned a tremendous amount about work relationships and the importance of having a healthy work environment. I have found that the best way to make relationships into something meaningful is to simply put meaning into your relationships. This means actually caring about the people with whom you want to create relationships. Care to know what they're passionate about, things that make them laugh, things they hate...

And you will end up learning so much more than you can ever imagine.

For example, my one coworker and I have two opposing political views. However, we feel comfortable discussing why we believe what we believe... and agreeing to disagree. I'm not saying you should go around talking to everyone about your political views (because some people don't know how to agree to disagree), but I am saying that true interest in hearing what another person has to say and interest in what another person has to offer... allows you to learn other perspectives. I have learned so much about the way people on her end of the political spectrum think. I have learned how to communicate better with those who have other views on such heavy topics.

We take the time to discuss our hobbies and have inside jokes now! All this makes working here so enjoyable because I feel comfortable with these people and we feel a mutual understanding between each other.

Not all jobs are as flexible as this one, perhaps. Here, we are in a single office. We spend several hours together every day that we are here. I know, for example, with nursing there is not as much time to sit down and talk... however there are windows of opportunity and taking that energy to get to know your coworkers and the people with whom you spend so much of your time... is so absolutely worth it and necessary! You will feel more excited for work, and not dread the long hours (or at least not as much as you may have otherwise).

The most important lesson that I have learned is putting in the energy to develop relationships with others... and that it doesn't even always take much energy. You may be surprised by how much you actually enjoy certain people on a personal level.

Next time you go to work, take a genuine interest in learning at least one thing about a coworker. Ask a question with genuine curiosity. Make sure to remember an important day of theirs (birthday, wedding, my coworker is prepping for a marathon so I make sure to ask about her training). There is nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Oh, and always 😊 and say good morning ☀️