Shabbat: My Favorite Day of the Week

I would like to share something interesting that I learned in one of my classes this past week🙏🏻. 

Since the Shabbat Project (when people from all over the world celebrate the day of rest together) just passed and the topic of the class had to do with finding balance in life- I feel that discussing Shabbat is fitting👌🏻.

In class we discussed the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between work and rest. Being that I personally struggle with being able to find that healthy balance (I have that typical present-day multi-tasking, being "busy" obsession), I really appreciated the wise perspective my teacher introduced to my frame of mind. 

She presented a simple scenario👀:

A child does something wrong and is told by his parents to stand in the corner. This form of discipline is meant to help the child improve on his character so that the child will have time to reflect on the wrongdoing, and hopefully will come to understand how to behave properly. After the child has stood in the corner for a period of time, expresses an understanding of what was done wrong, and apologizes- the parent tells the child that he can now leave the corner. The child however decides to stay in the corner for another hour. The parent tells the child it is not necessary and that his time in the corner is over. The child insists on staying in the corner for another hour🤔.  

So many times without even realizing it, we tend to trap ourselves in our routines, work, schedules... etc. The above analogy is not to say that work and tasks are punishments... not at all. Having a purpose and role in life is vital to our wellbeing👍🏻. However, it is also vital to ensure that we don't allow these aspects of our lives to take over our lives altogether. 

Life should not revolve around being tied down to our work. It is a popular trend now- being "busy","productive" and multitasking. These things make us feel good... until we get burnout. When we don't allow ourselves to take a break and step back from everything, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are hurting ourselves, often times unecessarily. 

This is why I appreciate Shabbat. It is my guilt-free day of rest, how I get myself to relax and hold back from doing, doing, doing... like I normally do🤷‍♀️. Turning off all of my electronics and unplugging from the outside world for 25 hours a week. 25 hours for introspection and tranquility. 

All the moreso, in Israel with an amazing group of people!☺️

Shabbat Project 10/26/18
Bet Shemesh, Israel 

A Letter to Anti-Semitism

This is a piece I wrote in response to the horrible tragedy that occurred yesterday in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Our nation has lost another 11 souls simply because of hatred. 
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This morning I woke up and said these words that I say every day, with more intensity than I normally do: 

מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶֽיךָ מֶֽלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּים שֶׁהֶֽחֱזַֽרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי ,בְּחֶמְלָה רַבָּה אֱמֽוּנָתֶֽךָ

“I give thanks before you, King living and eternal, for You have returned within me my soul with compassion; abundant is Your faithfulness.”

Life is a gift and nobody knows when it can come to an end. This tragedy hits so close to home and it feels so personal. People pray when they are afraid, worried, unsure, need guidance... yet innocent people were targeted and murdered in a house of prayer😞 Thinking of the families and people affected by this act of terror in Pittsburgh. 

ברוך דיין האמת

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Dear anti-Semitism,

I have heard and read about you so many times in my life, and especially today. I have seen you. I have felt you. I have experienced you. You have been paving the course of my life even before I was able to understand what you are.

My grandparents and parents fled from you, which led to my becoming an American. If not for you, perhaps I would be living in Russia. No, wait, I would be living in Iran- where my descendants fled from you as well. Or no- I would be living in Israel, where our people first established themselves as a nation… only to be expelled time and time again (because of you). To this day, people are still trying to get rid of us altogether.

While a supporter of yours murdered people praying in Pittsburgh simply because they were Jewish, 34 rockets were launched from the Gaza Strip at communities in southern Israel. This is nothing new, of course. You have so many followers, anti-Semitism. All over the world. My fingers can’t type fast enough to finish sharing one of your stories before you strike again. Sometimes I feel like I can’t keep up with you, though I am trying.

A prominent synagogue located just two minutes from where I am living here in Israel had the exact same situation occur just a couple of years ago. I just want to let you know that you and your supporters have not scared me off from coming here. You have not scared off the families who were affected and who are still happily living here. I still walk by that synagogue from time to time and the cracks from the bullets are still there in those windows, which I always turn to look at while also noticing that there are so many people still learning and praying in that very synagogue. I have met those families that you have broken, and even celebrated a bar mitzvah in the walls you tried to break down.

I cried when you murdered Ezra Schwartz, a young vibrant 18 year old who was supposed to join me at Rutgers two years ago. While watching his parents eulogize him on the live recording, I was crying so hard that I feared my dorm mates would hear me. So I cried as quietly as I could. I couldn’t tell what hurt more- watching the funeral or crying so hard. I finally forced myself to shut off the video and convinced myself it was fair for me not to have to watch since I had class and needed to calm myself down before walking out onto the college campus that Ezra would never get to see or experience because of you.

When my best friend met him before he left for Israel, she asked him if he was afraid to come here. He said if he were afraid, then that would be letting you (anti-Semitism) win. He understood this more than most people. Now the rest of us must understand this in his place. We must continue to live with this.

I cried when you murdered Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali. I was so upset, I felt I had to do something, so I started an Israel group that now has over 600 supporters from all over the world. Yup, other people who hate you just as much as I do. I felt powerless, so I did the only thing I could do. Over four years later and I am still sharing such somber news again and again.

It’s emotionally draining. Every story, person, name... the funerals, eulogies, images...

When I heard about this attack, this time I cried without fear of who might see me. For you cannot be afraid when you live in a world like this. In a sense that would be writing my own death sentence and letting you win. I’m not planning on letting you do that. Ezra didn’t and I remember that always.

But it is exactly everything that you hate- the Torah, our Jewish values and beliefs- that have kept us going through the pain. I met one of the women who became a widow after your attack at that synagogue. She is as lovely as ever- inviting all the students here at my school to come to her office for some tea at any time. Her husband- the man you murdered- was a good man. You should be ashamed, yet you are so proud.

The list of terror that occurs here, goes on and on. Stabbings, bombings, shootings, car-ramming attacks… in your name. You always have a reason to hate on us.

Anti-Semitism, I’m tired of you. I’m frustrated, angry, and sour. I work for an organization that monitors anti-Israel activity and you (because really at the end of the day you are behind it all), and every single day I see how widespread you are. Every single day you are out here spreading hate and violence.

I have also seen how you live within the people I never thought that you would. Right before I came to Israel, I mentioned to my Iranian neighbor that I was coming here. This man has been living right next door to us for 20 years. 20 years. Just after I told him I was coming here, he completely stopped talking to my family. Doesn’t wave back to my parents in the morning anymore. Doesn’t say hello when we walk or drive by anymore. Actually, the last time I saw him at the gym 2 months ago and said hello to him, he made it very clear to me that I might as well just not. I have never had someone give me a look filled with so much anger and hate. He made his point very clear. It was actually scary.

And this is despite the fact that he is from Iran, visits Iran, and has family living in Iran... the place from which my family fled and the country that calls for the death of all Jews (and America too but too many Americans for some reason still think it’s a good idea to give them nuclear weapons). We never judged him or were cold towards him. There is a lot that I do not understand right now. A lot that I don’t even want to understand.

It’s all one and the same. Being here in Israel, being an active participant in the pro-Israel community, being a proud Zionist… being a Jew… it’s all one and the same.

Our people have been through so much because of you, yet we have surpassed and outlived all those who have tried to bring an end to our existence. Those who tried to exterminate us have been long gone.

Now we have policemen guarding synagogues in New York- where I was born! Anti-Semitism, you aren’t going anywhere. You are going everywhere!

But you know what’s crazy, anti-Semitism? The place from which you had us kicked out in the beginning- is exactly where you are causing us to return now. Thousands of European Jews have already made their way back to Israel over the past several years because of you. Many American Jews have done the same or are planning on it. Your followers in Iran and the rest of the Middle East use this as part of their plan to exterminate us once and for all. All the Jews in one place so that we can kill them all off, they say. You’re very good at what you do.

So this is Iran, Russia, America, and Israel. Every country where my family has lived or that has been dear to us. You and yours don’t want us in Israel, in America or in Europe. Wherever we go, we are a problem for you.

Clearly, we haven’t given up. We are still here and are proud (well, most of us at least. Those self-hating Jews are worse than even you). No amount of intimidation or terror is going to change that.

Anti-Semitism, you aren’t going anywhere.

But neither are we.

Yours truly,
A proud Jew

Everybody Expresses Love Differently

Today I would like to write about an important concept that is so obvious, yet so difficult at the same time.

One of the courses that I am taking here in Israel during my year abroad is called Love, Marriage, and Relationships.

Now, I am not talking specifically about romantic love or marriage in this blog post. I am referring to relationships in general. Relationships with friends, family, and really whoever else with whom you may spend a decent amount of time.

It wasn't until I entered this new environment here in this country, and began living with a bunch of new people...that I realized how important it is to be flexible and patient with those with whom you surround yourself.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's obvious that everyone is different. We all have different experiences, were raised differently, have different expectations, values, cultures (a big one), and goals.

However, is it not true that all people tend to forget this simple truth all the time!?

Think of how many times a friend or someone you care about or someone you know has acted in a manner that confused you or made you upset. Think about all of the times you may have acted a certain way or said something with absolute innocence...yet someone else misunderstood you or your motives.

These types of things happen more often than we would think it would happen.

What made me realize this truth was an experience I had here with a friend.

We both come from different backgrounds and have major differences alongside our similarities.

When I was first getting to know her, I honestly could not tell how I felt about her. She seemed really nice, but also sometimes could act somewhat cold. Then one night when I was out late, she called me to make sure that I was okay. She was worried about me because I had not had a chance to respond to her previous text asking me if I was alright.

I realized that her way of expressing that she cares about me and others is by worrying.

She may not always act warm, but when it gets down to something that could possibly be serious- she takes initiative. She shows that she cares.

Although she may act cold and disconnected sometimes, that's just what she is used to. That part of her has to do with her experiences and history. She showed she truly cares about me and loves me as a friend, by worrying about me when I didn't respond.

This experience reminded me that it is important to remember and understand that just because someone doesn't respond to me a certain way or treat me a certain way, that does not always mean that they do not care about me or love me.

Just as I have a certain way of showing people I care about them- others have their own ways of showing they care.

Of course, this concept works slightly differently if you are looking for someone with whom to spend the rest of your life... or if you are looking for someone who fits into a certain description. However, for everyday general life, I feel that this is a good rule of thumb.

I know that this lesson will help me with my future relationships. It will remind me to have patience and understanding for other people, just as I require patience and understanding.

To happy and healthy relationships,

Deb 💕

Building Meaningful Relationships at Work

I finalized my flight to Israel 🇮🇱today!

Since I will be going abroad for several months, I needed something temporary in between taking my nursing boards and leaving.

I decided to do a medical affairs internship so that I can make some money, and to give me something to do with my summertime.

This experience has ended up being so much more valuable than I thought it would be. Not only have I learned a tremendous amount about the other aspects of healthcare (which are VAST, let me tell you), but I have also acquired vital knowledge about work-space social life (which is more important than I realized).

When my friends asked about my finally being done with the dreadful nursing board exam (officially an RN!!), I told them I was taking the rest of the summer to just relax.

"By getting an internship?" they asked with confused faces. 

Because I love my experience with this internship, it doesn't even feel like work. I attribute this to the relationships I have with my coworkers and to the work environment.

I have learned a tremendous amount about work relationships and the importance of having a healthy work environment. I have found that the best way to make relationships into something meaningful is to simply put meaning into your relationships. This means actually caring about the people with whom you want to create relationships. Care to know what they're passionate about, things that make them laugh, things they hate...

And you will end up learning so much more than you can ever imagine.

For example, my one coworker and I have two opposing political views. However, we feel comfortable discussing why we believe what we believe... and agreeing to disagree. I'm not saying you should go around talking to everyone about your political views (because some people don't know how to agree to disagree), but I am saying that true interest in hearing what another person has to say and interest in what another person has to offer... allows you to learn other perspectives. I have learned so much about the way people on her end of the political spectrum think. I have learned how to communicate better with those who have other views on such heavy topics.

We take the time to discuss our hobbies and have inside jokes now! All this makes working here so enjoyable because I feel comfortable with these people and we feel a mutual understanding between each other.

Not all jobs are as flexible as this one, perhaps. Here, we are in a single office. We spend several hours together every day that we are here. I know, for example, with nursing there is not as much time to sit down and talk... however there are windows of opportunity and taking that energy to get to know your coworkers and the people with whom you spend so much of your time... is so absolutely worth it and necessary! You will feel more excited for work, and not dread the long hours (or at least not as much as you may have otherwise).

The most important lesson that I have learned is putting in the energy to develop relationships with others... and that it doesn't even always take much energy. You may be surprised by how much you actually enjoy certain people on a personal level.

Next time you go to work, take a genuine interest in learning at least one thing about a coworker. Ask a question with genuine curiosity. Make sure to remember an important day of theirs (birthday, wedding, my coworker is prepping for a marathon so I make sure to ask about her training). There is nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Oh, and always 😊 and say good morning ☀️

Simple Rules to a Happy Life and Healthy Relationships

Be grateful
Be happy for others

Recognize your internal beauty
See the beauty within others

Go out of your comfort zone
Encourage others to reach their goals

Recognize your intrinsic value
Treat others like they are valuable

Respect yourself
Treat others with respect

Be able to accept help
Help others

Focus on what is truly meaningful to you
Help others find what is meaningful to them

Find and invest in true friendships
Be a true friend for others

Also, the quote I live by:

Lessons From My Internship

This is a short article I submitted to my internship, so that they can share it on their Facebook or wherever else they want to. Melabev is a daycare center for elderly who have Alzheimer's and Dementia.