Work Hard Play Hard

I was going to name this post-work hard play harder, but I don’t think I’m at the level to say that. First I gotta learn how to even play (and by that I mean I gotta learn how to chill). 

Why do I gotta learn how to chill? Because I’m sort of addicted to being busy. Yup, addicted. That’s right. Not just into being busy, but I actually can’t sit still for a moment... and I don’t think this is about ADHD... 

I can get myself to sit and study and focus for hours... I’m actually really good at that. But what I can’t do is just sit and not do anything at all. 

Even during school- I’m always multitasking whether it be working on an assignment while listening to a lecture or writing portions of blog posts while studying. Even during ten-minute class breaks, I right away look at all the things I need to get done and start working on one of them. Or I look at my phone- though even then I’ll be reading an article, catching up on emails, or looking up some sort of information. 

While I did write a blog post about why it is good to be busy (Why You Should Want to be Busy and Stay Busy), I have to share the other perspective too because I think I’ve come to learn that balance is key here (I mean it sounds obvious, but for a while, I’ve been in the "always be busy and productive mindset"). I just want to do and accomplish... but sometimes I don’t realize I’m not even doing much at all. A lot of times I’m just planning to do stuff- making lists about what I am going to do... I know, it’s weird. 

Thursday night I was trying to plan out my weekend and thought I would print out some notes for an upcoming exam to go over on Saturday (if you read my previous blog post then you know that I normally don’t do any work on Saturday). I stopped that thought and reconsidered- I have been working nonstop all week! Now, I am going to completely 100% relax. I am going to relax so much, that I will forget that I have an upcoming exam. And that’s not taking it too far because I know that I should give 100% to relaxation, just as I give 100% to my work. If I give my all when it comes to working, then why not provide myself the opportunity to give my all to relaxation.

Some people may falsely believe that always being productive will help in the long run. I used to think that... until I started focusing more on healthy living. One of my new goals is getting to a point where I look and feel my best- I want this to be a lifestyle (healthy eating, consistent exercise, and focusing on my wellbeing in a wholesome matter). Social media has helped a lot because it has allowed me to follow fitness gurus and other individuals who are focused on healthy lifestyles. I learned that a lot of what makes up well-being and health has to do with taking the time to do enjoyable and relaxing things. I always knew this is important, but did not realize just how important it is. 

This means getting a massage, going to the sauna, sitting in a jacuzzi, making time to play your favorite sport, get a facial even. I don’t think of these activities as just something nice to do, but rather as something that is vital to my wellbeing. Going all out to completely relax and enjoy yourself should be a priority, just as everything else is a priority. 

Life is all about balance, so make sure you create balance in the most important aspects of your life. Take that 1 hour out of your day (that's less than 1% of your day!!) to do something relaxing and stress-free!

The one day I don’t use any electronics

There is one day every week when I turn off and put away my phone, laptop, iPad... everything social media and school-related.

This one day of the week is Saturday. For 25 hours, starting Friday evening until Saturday night. It may come as a surprise to some people... but this makes Saturday my favorite day of the week!

I enjoy using my phone and school is something on which I spend a lot of time, so I need to use my laptop and iPad rather often... but there is a difference between wanting and needing to use all these electronics, and being addicted to them. While a lot of the time I actually do need to be on my electronics, majority of the time I honestly don’t. I look at my phone over and over again... to the point where I sometimes give myself a headache 😕 (anyone else get migraines when looking at screens for too long)? Or I’ll consistently unlock my iPad to look at my calendar (because I sometimes get overly anxious about school assignment due dates).

Having a day where you tell yourself that you are going to have none of that... that you will not be checking your social media, assignment dates, calendar, or anything really that doesn’t pertain to your present moment... is very freeing. You may be thinking that you would be feeling FOMO or the complete opposite of free since you don’t have anything to turn to when you get bored.

Once you turn off your phone, though, you are free to do other things without distraction (We all know we get distracted by our electronics, even if we tell ourselves that we don’t). You are free of the constant curiosity if someone messaged you or liked your picture. Maybe your mind doesn’t want to let these things go, but your brain and body need it. The crazy thing is that you don’t even realize this until you try it. I know so many people who have tried this and said they wanted to start doing it consistently. They have even applied this to their lives on a regular basis. Even if they know they can't manage a whole day without their phones, they do this for half a day or so.

I have read several articles here and there (not intentionally, but seen it on Facebook or another site) that discuss how increased mobile phone use/social media correlates to sleep disturbances, stress, and depression! Here is one such study done on young adults: click here! Removing yourself from your electronics for one day per week may not be the solution to all the negative effects of high-frequency mobile use, but it definitely makes a world of a difference. 

I enjoy doing this so much, that I plan my entire week around it. I make sure to get assignments done before Friday at sunset so that I don’t have to worry about them. If I have an assignment or something else scheduled for Saturday, I do everything in my power to get it done beforehand or schedule it for another day. If I have an exam coming up and need to study, I will print out my notes. I will only do things that don’t require me to turn on my phone and laptop. If that means not driving somewhere I can get to only with the use of navigation (which is on my phone), then I don't go there on Saturday. May sound strange (yes, it's super unconventional), but it's all worth it in the end. 

If you haven't ever considered this form of mental/emotional cleanse- I highly recommend it! You may be surprised!
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Note: the main reason I don’t use electronics on Saturday is because of the Sabbath. However, there are aspects to this holiday that anyone can relate to regardless of religion. Therefore, I actually can’t use my phone for religious reasons which definitely makes it a lot easier to abstain from using my phone... but I’ve come to love this aspect of the holiday and think everyone can gain from it. I know people who don't do this for religious reasons because they have noticed the benefits!

Owning the Choices We Don't Get to Make

As I wrote in my previous blog post, I just returned from a trip to Europe.

2 days after I returned- with tons of photos and videos from the trip, my phone randomly decided to break down on me. Everything I had on my phone was gone. Besides for the memories I had from my trip, I also had another 300 or so photos and videos from the year and a half that I had my phone. I had 30 or so notes of favorite recipes, blog posts, song lyrics... tons of information.

I spent the entire next day (Friday) at the Apple store and then AT&T, where I finally accepted the fact that I would have to swap my useless phone for a brand new one. While some people would be ecstatic about getting a new phone, I was disappointed that I had lost so much information :(

To make matters worse, none of my information was backed up on iCloud! The entire time, I thought I had been backing up information to iCloud, but apparently none of it was. Let me just tell you- the day I got my new phone, I called Apple support and set up my iCloud! If there is anything you do today, make sure you back up everything on your devices if you haven't already.

One of the most upsetting things was that I had taken a ton of photos which I was going to use for my blog posts. I was so excited about having photos of other places besides for my typical. All of them were gone- besides for the ones I had on Snapchat.

I was really frustrated about all this. The entire morning of not having my phone, I was in a crummy mood and not being thoughtful of everyone else around me. I was complaining and making it everyone else's problem.

As I was driving later that day with my mom and sister, and my mom said, "It must be so frustrating," I decided to stop being so negative about it. It obviously isn't the end of the world not having your phone. It's not the most important thing. I responded to her, saying, "You know, it's not that big of a deal. Yeah, there were a lot of things on there that I would have liked to keep, but it's more about the experience anyway." Being a control freak (well, at least I'm trying to work on not being so much) this isn't always an easy mindset for me to have.

However, once I said this (and with certainty too)- I guess it was sort of like a switch inside me- I felt like I had owned that which I initially resisted. It was almost as if that which I did not want to occur, or that I couldn't accept, was all of a sudden a decision that I got to make. At the end of it all, I got to make the decision to not allow it to take over my mind and mood.

I realized that so many times in life, I allow things to get in my way. I allow minor occurrences or situations to make me upset or believe that I can act negative (when really I am acting entitled). This is only going to hurt me in the end. The phone and everything on it are gone, and I am the one left with needing to handle the aftermath. However, I still do have a choice that I can make. I still can decide to own the decision- even if doing so isn't intuitive at first . . . because at the end of the day the way I respond to the situation is what really matters. If I decide to let it be a big deal, then it sure as hell will be. If I decide to accept it and make the most of it, then things will work out at least better than they would have otherwise. 

Main points: Stay positive. Accept acceptance. Focus on the decisions that you can make.

Oh, and by the way, I have absolutely no idea how but half of the photos that were on my dead phone somehow appeared on my new phone. Those photos were not on my iCloud, so I do not know how they transferred over.

I guess being positive can work its ways with the universe??

Give it a try- positivity will work its magic for you too.

First Time In Europe and the U.K.

As I sit in a small coffee shop in the suburbs of New Jersey, I pull out my laptop and begin to reflect on my past week. I feel so far removed from all that has occurred- almost as if I have not just returned from halfway across the planet. All the rest of the world seems so small from here, making me feel as though all my experiences were some sort of vivid dream.

Of course, words cannot do justice to actual experiences and emotions. Emotions are so abstract, which make it difficult for them to be put into words and coherent sentences. I will try to share these past 9 days in the most organized and clear-mannered way that I can.

I traveled with an organization that brings together young adults from all over the world. This summit focused on acquiring leadership skills and fostering a sense of community. We discussed the ideas of personal self-growth and how to become our best selves. We discussed living lives with purpose and passion, as well as bringing our strongest qualities into the greater community.

The lessons that I learned and the people that I have met have had and will have a lasting impact on me. There were so many people who I have met on this trip who have inspired me. First off, the students with whom I traveled in Spain and London were all absolutely amazing. Just such genuine, friendly people. We were from all over the states (New Jersey, New York, Florida, California, Michigan, etc). Every single person was so open to meeting each other and sharing their personal journeys (who they were before this trip and what they gained from it). There were people I met with whom I have so much in common. While it is upsetting that we all live so far away from each other, it is nice that we still keep in touch (thank you social media)! I truly feel uplifted from these friendships that I have formed.

Meeting people my age from all over the world was one of my favorite parts of the trip. Delegates for the summit were from the U.S., Israel, the U.K. France, Hungary, Belarus, Ukraine, Georgia, Russia, Germany, Switzerland, Canada, Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Uruguay, South Africa, and Australia!

It was my first time meeting people my age who live in Russia. This was cool to me because my parents came from the former Soviet Union as refugees in the 80's (more about this and why it's significant at the end of this blog post). Thinking that I could have been one of them- possibly living in Russia and never having been an American... it makes me consider all of the ways my life could have turned out. It was interesting talking to them IN RUSSIAN!! Although it is my first language, I don't speak it that well (or well at least I thought). I really impressed myself (and apparently the Russian delegates) with my ability to speak Russian! I had a whole 30-minute conversation in only Russian! I felt pretty damn good about myself, I must say:)

The energy was contagious!

I think about all of the different ways that people live. The French, Latin Americans, South Africans, etc. We were all at the same summit, in the same room- leading such different lives and viewing the world in such different ways. It was actually humorous to see how all these individuals from all corners of the earth interacted with each other. We had cross-cultural groups, in which delegates from each country were put together to meet each other. Being that there were about 1400 people at this summit, this activity definitely made the meeting process a whole lot less intimidating. The Israelis ran in laughing loudly about something, leaving the rest of us utterly confused. The French sat directly across from them, expressionless (probably because they could not understand what they were saying)! The Russians sat uncomfortably and looked rather serious. The Americans were somewhat trying to understand what was going on. It was all so funny to me at that moment, realizing how our social expectations are so different.

We stayed at a huge hotel in Birmingham, U.K during the summit. All 1400 of us made up 10 languages. Just walking around the hotel one could hear people speaking all these different languages. People were dressed so differently (of course the French put all the rest of us to shame), carrying and conducting themselves how they all knew.

Windsor castle

My love for airports: I think that airports are so cool! From this single spot- you are connected to all parts of the world. In this single spot, there are people from all parts of the world. Yes, you have that in all areas of the U.S. However, I'm not talking about people who moved here. I am referring to people who are actually living in other parts of the world who are in the airport. This may seem like nothing at all to get excited over, but I just want to say that I think airports are really cool for this reason :) Hehe

European culture: I love different languages, lifestyles, and traditions. I love learning about them, seeing them in action, and even applying some aspects of other people's lives into my own life. I love how different things are socially acceptable to different people. I love how people have different expectations and understandings of basic things like how we talk, what we say, and what is and isn't socially acceptable. I love comparing how Americans act and think, to how people of other countries and parts of the world act and think. I love how we all view things differently and find it hilarious how we may at times judge each other.

Speaking of judging each other... this leads to my next point. Last year at this time I traveled to Israel. I wrote about that experience here: Some More of Realizing Stuff. I thought I mentioned my layover in Paris. Turns out that I did not so I will share it now because the same realizations I had then, I have now.

Basically, I had a layover in Paris for 5 hours last year on my way to Israel. I always heard that people in Europe dress a lot nicer than Americans normally do. Americans are a lot more laid back with their attire. While Americans like to wear leggings and lounge clothing of that sort... Europeans generally consider us to be sloppy and unkempt. I was not ready for what I saw and for the looks that I got! In the airport- yes, in the freakin' airport- people were wearing fur coats, leather pants, high heels (like the type you wear to your fanciest of events). Damn, people don't even dress that well for weddings let alone to the airport! I felt like I had come to some sort of event that I was not invited to (honestly would have liked to not have the layover, so add the fact that I was already sour about having to be there) completely underdressed! I was wearing uggs, a skirt and a sweater. In the states that would be considered perfectly acceptable (if not a bit overdressed because of the skirt). I also looked disheveled because I had been on a plane for like 7 hours. You know how embarrassing it is to be the worst dressed at an event you thought was casual? This was 10x worse because these people's worst isn't even my best! I got so many looks from people- it was horrifying! 

However, that experience made me realize how wonderful it is to look put together and to live your best life which includes looking your best self and not just being your best self. After that experience, I actually started dressing up more. It's one of those things where you don't know you could do better until you learn that there is better.

Madrid

Well, this time around- actually getting to set foot outside a European airport- this understanding was strengthened. Europeans know how to dress, like, really (x10) well. It's not just about what they wear, it's also how they wear it. They are very put together and collected. Of course, we have people in America who dress well too (hello Manhattan), but here in the states, there isn't a culture of dressing well and actually getting ready before you step foot outside your house. People walk out of their houses in pajamas here.

I've decided to take myself even more seriously in this way. Even more seriously than before. I mean: wearing my best clothes on any regular day. Why wait for a special event to wear my designer clothes? I only live one life, after all. Why not LOOK my best every day. It will go along well with trying to BE my best. Not only this, but it feels good to look good. There is something about putting extra thought and effort into how you look- that actually makes you feel differently and take yourself more seriously. It changes other people's impressions of you and eventually you come to hold yourself to a higher standard. I absolutely FEEL a difference between wearing leggings and wearing a skirt (or a nice pair of jeans, but there ain't no way I will be wearing jeans to a 2-hour lecture. Not happening).

                                                                    Leaving Spain!

I am also inspired to travel more. Over the years, I have been working on overcoming my anxiety. Simple things such as talking to people were hard for me to do. People grow by taking little steps. Well, my next step is being independent in new places. I guess G-d has been helping me overcome this next hurdle by introducing people into my life from whom I can learn to do this. Since last year in Israel, I have been meeting people my age who have been traveling themselves. Not that I would ever do that because I like company . . . but I get the message. Yeah, it's scary going to new places and having to find your way around. However, it's also liberating and exciting. One friend told me he doubted his decision so many times before actually goign to live in France for several months. He said it was the best decision he ever made. If he was able to do it, then I can do it to. Another girl moved to Spain from the U.S. and said she loved it! Another friend of mine has been travelling all over Europe and even went back to where his family lived years ago. I have a friend who moved to New York all the way from Ukraine at the age of 21! She didn't even knwo that Manhattan was an Island when she arrived. She booked a one-way ticket and that was it. All of these people took the plunge, and that's exactly what I feel a calling for. 

I was really nervous about extending my trip in London (well, my brother and a friend were with me- but still). The summit was ending on New Year's Eve and I really did not want to celebrate New Year's on a plane. So I figured I would take this opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and do something challenging (I honestly needed the challenge)! I ended up extending for 2 days and I am so happy that I did! We ended up celebrating New Year's Eve in London! We got to see the fireworks in London!! New Year's day we spent at Windsor Castle. It was so cool and surreal! And it wasn't even hard! I simply pre-planned where we would be staying and traveling... and played it out by ear once we were there. 

Concert

We were in London New Year's Eve walking around. We weren't sure exactly where we were going- we just knew we were in the center of the city, which was good enough. We were thinking it would be nice to see the fireworks because we had heard earlier there would be fireworks by Big Ben... but we sort of took the night as it came and walked around not 100% sure where specifically we were going. Well, 5 minutes from midnight (did not even realize it at the moment) we see a crowd of people running through the streets (not like running from something bad but rather running to something good). So, I told my friends that we should follow. It was crazy how it worked out because these people were running towards the fireworks and we ended up making it to the perfect view just in time to see them. I realized that if you just chill out and go with the flow- things will fall into place (well, hopefully). 

Meeting Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks

 Saturday night everyone was up until 4/5 am (and granted when I got downstairs to the lobby the next morning- everyone was down there already as if we hadn't all pulled an all-nighter). I don't even know how people survived the lack of sleep we experienced over the week. On average we got 2/3 hours of sleep per night. We were all over the hotel. It was insane! Everyone was just chilling out and socializing. Anyway, I was sitting listening to some guys playing some instruments when a guy randomly started talking to me. He started telling me about how he had been traveling the world- even lived in Dublin for several months (which is somewhere I've always wanted to go thanks to one of my favorite movies, Leap Year). I told him how I really want to travel too, and am trying to figure out how to incorporate that goal into the rest of my life. He gave me some pointers, told me to explore as much as I can, and wished me luck. And that was it. We had a ten-minute interaction and he passed on a message to me as if someone had told him I needed to hear it. I sort of just sat there and thought, "Hmmm, G-d, I think I get the message. Thanks for reaching out to me."

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Now I want to expand on why talking to Russians was a big deal for me. I write this at the end because it's not the main part of this blog post, and it's more for me and whoever may be interested in it. 

Meeting Naftali Bennet

As I wrote, my parents, grandparents and rest of my extended family came to the states from the former Soviet Union in the 80's. They came here as refugees. They had two choices: leave for Israel or for the U.S. They ultimately chose the U.S. because that was what the rest of the family was doing.  My family lived on the southern border of the country, right between the Black and Caspian Seas, in a region referred to as Kabardino Balkaria. This region sits right above Georgia. Life for both sides of my family was very different. Both were very educated- both of my dad's parents were physicians, and my mother's entire family were very successful businessmen. 

Talking to these other people my age... I felt almost as if I were communicating with a younger version of my parents. It's something about the way they talk and act- as if there are certain things they understand that I never will. There is also something about meeting people from a country from which my entire family fled. It is just intriguing to me, I guess.

There were also a lot of people who I met on this trip, who have either left their country of birth or are in the process of doing so... and they are leaving these countries for the very same reason my parents had left Russia. They are leaving because of anti-semitism. 

And just as I had written before- me wondering what my life would have looked like if my parents had not made the moves they had made- I think about this in regards to these other individuals my age. I could have been one of those people needing to make those moves right now. 

London

This is not about religion. My parents and grandparents were very far removed from religion. They were not lighting Sabbath candles on Friday night or studying the ancient Jewish texts. This is about a people. This is about a people's story. Every group of people has their own story, and this is ours. 

This trip was about self-growth and adventure, but it was also about reconnection- it was about reconnecting with our people. The Jewish people number at about 14 million. If you divide this by the total number of people on earth, you get 0.002. This is 0.2% of the world's population. If you round this to the greatest whole number, you get the intimidating value of zero. We, as a people, are statistically insignificant.  We are numerically inconsequential. Especially after the holocaust, our numbers are even more startling. I ask myself: how does it feel to be part of a people who are statistically insignificant? What does this mean for me? It's a rather intimidating question to confront. My peers and I have the role of continuing something that has almost been lost time and time again. We are the next generation of a people that are almost nothing at all. 

Through this summit, we were all able to meet each other to discuss and form ideas on how to strengthen our relationships and connections with each other. We all came together as a community with a shared history to discover how we can improve on ourselves for the greater good. Connecting with other people who have this shared history- it was very powerful. As one friend of mine put it: it's a warm feeling you get in your heart. It's something that can only be felt and not completely described.

I put this all together- my parent's personal stories, the situations these other young people are facing, and how being Jewish has affected me personally (I may not have been an American today if my parents had no reason to flee)... and it's all connected. It is a very powerful thing to connect one's past and present and consider what may have been had certain occurrences not taken place. It is captivating to see the past within the present (the same issues are being experienced today just as they were being faced in the previous generation) and the present within the past (as in who I am and who all of us are because of past experiences that even we personally may not have encountered). 

I encourage you, whoever you may be, to explore your roots and question what they mean to you.