The Limits of Self Help

I am currently reading “Morality” by the late leading philosopher, theologian and intellectual Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks.  

Sacks posits that the rise in public discourse, identity politics and extremism that have deepened social divisions, the breaking of close family ties, and the seemingly all-pervading influence of social media are due to our loss of a strong, shared moral code and our elevation of self interest over the common good. 
I am only on the second chapter but there are already a multitude of points that he has made that have provided a new and refreshing perspective for me. One of the topics he discusses is that of self help.

Sacks recalled a near-death experience he had several years prior when he almost drowned while vacationing in Italy. He realized at a certain point that he wouldn’t be able to get out of the water alone because it had become too strong for him, and even considered that it might be the end for him. If not for a total stranger, he wouldn’t have made it that day. In that moment, “self help” was a means to only the ultimate end. 

This is obviously an extreme example, but a fair one to make his point:
“If I look back at my life, I discovered that it was always someone else who sent me on a new trajectory. I suspect the same is true for most people. Someone who was there when we needed it, who listened as we poured out our problems, who gave us the encouraging word when we were about to give up, who believed in us more than we believe in ourselves. Or maybe it was actually someone who looked us in the eye and told us the honest truth: that we were self obsessed, that we were wallowing in our motions, that instead of thinking about how to develop the mindset to achieve great things, we should stop reading and start doing. Help, I have found time and time again, comes not from the self, but from others.”

My journey has fostered a strong desire within me to delve into personal development and conditioning. I used to think that I had to do everything myself (and that it had to be hard), but one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that some of the greatest teachers are simply the people around us. And that it is absolutely imperative that I engage myself in the process of learning from those around me. My main example (which I didn’t realize until recently) is my sister, from whom I learned even the most basic skills. I write a lot about anxiety, and social anxiety in particular was something I really struggled with as a kid and teenager. I literally did not know how to be social. I didn’t know how to conduct myself without feeling painfully awkward and uncomfortable. I was able to develop my social skills by studying my sister’s social skills (she was always the social butterfly). So much so that at a certain point people would tell me I had her mannerisms. 

Point is that all of the self help books and google searches in the world couldn’t help me the way that my sister could (and I don’t think she ever even knew it). At a certain point we have to realize that self help is a wonderful tool, but we need more. 

I will close this by bringing this full circle with my previous point about the breaking of personal ties and the increase in public discourse… how much more so can we close this divide if we simply learn to learn from each other. 

Question Your Thoughts // The Work by Byron Katie

Is this thought true? 

Can I know for sure that it’s true? 

Who would I be without this thought? 💭

Questioning our thoughts, especially when they’re negative, is so important. 

It also helps us to notice what bothers us and, on the other hand, what makes us happy. We learn more about ourselves in the process of questioning. 

Because at the end of the day our thoughts don’t define us. It’s how we react to them and what we do with them. 

To learn more about questioning your thoughts and working with them, visit thework.com for resources. Link in bio. 

Dry Brushing

Something I’ve incorporated into my routine and that I recommend to people whenever they ask me for any additional ways to get a skincare boost. Not an expert but I’m that person who does her research on any additional health benefits people can get from alternative sources. So here are some reasons why you might want to give it a try:

🌸The mechanical action of dry brushing  exfoliates dry winter skin. 

🌸Helps detoxify the body by increasing blood circulation and promoting lymph flow/drainage. Start from your ankles and brush upward toward your heart. Then from your wrists also towards your heart. Perform about 5 strokes on each part you’re brushing. 

🌸Unclogs pores. Some report smoother skin. I like to use my dry brush with with a body scrub because the beads allow for stronger exfoliation and removal of dead skin. 

🌸Stimulates your nervous system, which can make you feel invigorated afterward. One of my favorite benefits. 

🚿Perform on dry skin before you shower. Brushing the skin while it is dry allows you to exfoliate and increase blood circulation without removing moisture, since hot water can do that. Apply lotion after your shower.