Dealing With Negative Emotions

I have a good friend who is going through a rough time. 
She feels a lot of anxiety from school. 
Not the usual "I have a ton of work to get done" anxiety. Rather, her anxiety stems from the kids in her school. 
She is one of the most mature and nicest people I have ever met. However, school really gets to her and affects her negatively. 

A little more background about my friend and her situation:
She HATES the school environment. She has been counting down the days to graduation since freshman year. There are certain groups of kids that make fun of her and, although she stands up for herself, as she should, they have been continuing their bullying for the past several years. Two teachers specifically give her a difficult time, telling her inappropriate things such as, "If you are this lazy, how do you get things done outside of school?" and, "Are you stupid?" She has tried to hold in her frustration before, but it only results in it becoming expressed later on and that's not any better of an outcome. 

Although many of you may not have this specific type of situation, you may be facing something that causes you to feel bad about yourself or just generally unhappy. 

When she told me about her situation, I proposed several ways to think about the situation and steps that she could take to improve her circumstance and her outlook on the situation:

• Breathe. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR EMOTIONS TO OVERCOME YOU- The second I saw her today, I could tell that she was upset. She began to tell me that she was fed up with how she was being treated (fairly so). Her entire body language expressed frustration. It seemed as if she was about to lose her mind. Other people began to watch her and it seemed to me that she didn't notice that. 
• NEVER GIVE PEOPLE A REASON\OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE YOU A VICTIM AND NEVER MAKE YOURSELF A VICTIM- Obviously, if you need to stand up for yourself or what you believe in, do that. I am referring to the kind of situation where a person acts out of the norm. It is OK to show that you're upset, but CONTAIN YOURSELF!!! 
• Other people may judge you based on your demeanor at the moment. Don't give them a reason to judge you or laugh at you. Compose yourself. 
• Learn to adapt to your current environment. You don't need to do what everyone else is doing or be how everyone else is- just be "normal." I can say that I very different than most of the kids in my current school just because I have only been there for 2 years and was raised differently than a lot of the other kids. So, I just act neutral. I'm not totally this or totally that- I'm just normal. 
• You may read this and think, "normal? Why should I conform just to not have to go through difficulties?" What I am saying, though, is that it is important to know how to act in different settings. 
• You act differently when you are at school and when you are at home, when you are with friends and when you are with family. There are different expectations on how to act in different situations. 
• It is scientifically true that wiser people are better at containing their emotions. This makes sense. When people think of a wise person, they think of a calm, composed, put-together individual. Be wise. 
• Stop thinking negative thoughts, because they show on your exterior- She hates the school scene and the people in it. I told her to stop thinking about hate, aggravation, misunderstanding and how she could be spending her time more productively. Constantly having a negative state of mind will always result in you feeling unhappy. 
• Think about making the best of the situation. Make the best of the situation by thinking positive thoughts and continuing to be a nice person. 
• It is psychologically true that if you act as the person you want to be, then you will simultaneously become that person. 
• It is also psychologically true that feigning confidence eventually results in true confidence.
• CHANNEL YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE- I told my friend to take all of her frustration out on being better! I told her to work on her organization, write poetry, or just improve herself as a person. 
• The people who hurt you will not be affected by you going crazy. They will not be affected by you getting depressed or whatever else happens to you. YOU and those whom you love will be affected. So if you decide to react to the situation in a negative manner, you will receive negative feedback.

15, 16, 17, 18, 19 . . .

My grandpa used to say that it is important to enjoy every age because you will only get to be that age once. 

I think about that often.

When I was 14, 15, and even 16 years old, I was the can't-miss-a-day-of-school, gotta-be-mature type of person. I would not allow myself to ever miss school, even if I was sick. I was so caught up in trying to be everything all at once and would constantly worry about the future. 

Now, as a senior in high school and after attending both a prestigious private and public school with well-rounded kids, I realize that no matter who you are and where you come from, life comes with difficulties. Life will never always be perfect. Nothing is guaranteed in life. All you can really do is try your best in life.

However, as you are working hard to succeed in school and to be an overall well-rounded person, don't forget that it is important to enjoy- ENJOY- your time. Don't let your desire to be the perfect student and perfect everything get so in your head, that you forget that enjoying life is also giving yourself a break sometimes.

I was so hard on myself, so nervous about not always being perfect, that I would sometimes forget to just be a teenager. I would cop out on great chances because I was scared of not getting something else done.

This is how bad I had it: One summer (YES, THE FRIKKIN' SUMMER), my friend got me a ticket to a Harry Potter midnight movie release and I didn't go because I "wanted to be prepared for camp the next day." That was my actual reason and I was actually concerned. 

Maybe you're not that extreme, but you get my point. 

I learned to change.

Earlier this year, I went to visit some old friends of mine. I skipped school for the day and went to a basketball game. It was great. I'm a senior. I go to school every day. I work hard in school.

 I gave myself a break. It was one of the best days.

Today I overslept and, instead of frantically running out the door and getting to school like I would have last year, I allowed myself to skip the day. Then again, it is the end of my senior year and it was a half-day, but the point is that I gave myself the chance to relax and be like, "Hey, let me do something different."

I actually think that people who give themselves chances to relax and have fun and aren't constant workaholics, tend to do better in their working environments and are happier overall. I see it with the other kids in my school.

Just make sure not to be one of those who relax tooooo much. Work hard. Try your best. But have your fun too. 

Yes, you can be successful and have your fun too.

I would see other kids having fun and still succeeding, and wondered about it. I was scared to "let go," to take the chance of losing my "straight path." 

BUT, you don't have to be "bad" or whatever. Just relax. Stop kicking yourself over mistakes and things that didn't work out. Just know that you're trying your best. 

Work hard, play hard. 

You can do everything in your power to be someone or get something, but it may not work out. It happens. This isn't to say that you shouldn't try, but just that you should not put all of your eggs in one basket. 

Enjoy working hard and don't forget to enjoy everything that life has to offer in the here and now. 

  Again- Work hard. Play hard.

Are You Really Taking Action?

There is a song that I wrote a couple of years ago. It is called "The Answer Is In You."

It is basically about not forgetting to actually take action to reach my dreams.

Sometimes we let things go . . . either we wait for a sign or for something to let us know that it is the right time . . .

I realized at a certain point though, that sometimes when I think that I'm doing all that I can do to reach a certain goal, I am actually not doing much at all. 

For example:

I have been going to the gym regularly for two years now. When I first started going to the gym and exercising after many years of no exercise, I lost a ton of weight. As with many people, my weight decreased only up to a certain amount, and after that point, remained constant. As the year went on, I continued doing the same workouts, all the while wondering why I wasn't losing any more weight. It took me some time to realize that I'm not going to progress unless I push myself harder. Meaning, switching to different workouts and working more on toning than cardio. 

BUT, I still hadn't gotten to the point of really taking action. Yes, I started different workouts and worked on toning, BUT I wasn't really pushing myself. I would stop when I felt "tired" and did not really carry out the exercises to their maximum potential. I was easy on myself. At a certain point, I realized that if I really want to tone and shape my body, then I have to WORK. Really WORK. 

If you want it, then WORK for it. 

It is the same thing with my music. If I want people to visit my YouTube page and listen to my music, then I have to put myself out there. I need to upload more music, practice my songs, play them for people. I need to take cation, and stop carrying out my plans only halfway through. 

Don't do this to yourself. 

Think about whether you are really taking action towards reaching your dreams. 

Dream. Dream so much, that you feel like your dreams are about to come true. 

Just don't forget to take action.

I checked out other people's YouTube channels, and they have lists of videos. 

I realize that everyone wants success. You do, I do, they do . . . everybody. It is what people strive for. 

The difference between those who succeed and those who don't, are the ones who actually take action. 

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."- Bill Cosby

"If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse."- I don't know who said this, but it is true.

First, decide what it is that you want- a car, to be an actress, to get toned, to get straight A's . . .

Decide that you really truly honestly want it with all of your heart and desire. 

If you really want it and know\feel that it is worth it . . . Go. For. It.

Some helpful ways to keep track:

• Make a list of things you need to get done in the morning and actually get those things done.
• If you're not into lists, ask yourself what you will do or what you have done to reach your goal
• keep yourself motivated:
• Hang quotes and pictures in your room (I place them right by my desk where I can see them while I am working)
• Use social media sites to surround yourself with positive thoughts 
• Like positive pages on Facebook, Instagram, or wherever else, so that see positive things when you go on those sites.
• Get a Pinterest- Seeing what you want reminds you to work for them and keeps you motivated. I warn you though, it can get addicting!! Please manage your time!!
• If you have a Google+, join inspiring, motivating, and helpful pages!
• This may be obvious but listen to inspiring, upbeat music. Music has a great effect on your mood and thoughts. Get pumped. 
• Start playlists on Spotify, Pandora, etc.
• Make a Youtube playlist- you can also include other inspirational videos and not only music!
• Do something every day that gets you closer to your dream. Whether it be practicing your song, working out for ten minutes, or reviewing last year's math notes to prepare you for this year's math course . . .
• Keep a journal if you're into journals- they can be super helpful. Then, after you achieve your goal, you can look back and remember how it all started. I kept a journal when I went to sleep away camp and whenever I read it, I get the satisfaction of remembering just how much I had grown (as well as a few laughs).

Most importantly, believe in yourself. 

I know that sounds cheesy, but it is true. 

Good luck upon your journey.

Lesson Learned- Taking Chances

I never want to look back at my life one day and regret not having taken chances and overcoming my fears. 

I want to make sure that I grab all of my opportunities, so that I should not have to ask the heartrending question, "what if?"

Certain experiences in my life have made me realize that taking chances instead of fearing the outcomes has improved my life and overall happiness. 

The summer entering my junior year of high school, I was switching from my private school in the city back to my local school district. I had last been in the school district when I was in third grade, so this meant that I would be reunited with kids that I used to know. I had changed a lot over my years in private school, though. As a third grader, I was very shy, sensitive and did not easily make friends. Throughout my years, however, I overcame my sensitivity and shyness through hard work, and improved my social and interpersonal skills. I was sort of nervous to reunite with the kids that I used to go to school with, especially because I thought that they would still view me as a shy, overly-sensitive girl.

Let's look at two case scenarios, and how each turned out:

1. On my first day of school, I was placed in the same class as a girl with whom I did not get along when I last saw her. I didn't say anything, but rather wondered how the year would turn out. 

The next day, I was assigned a seat next to hers. I sat in my seat, wanting to speak to somebody because I didn't want to be labeled as the quiet new girl. I wanted to make friends and make the best of my junior year. I noticed that she was writing an inspirational quote on a  notecard and was interested in what it was for. Being that I used the technique of writing inspirational quotes to myself when overcoming my anxiety, I wondered if she was dealing with something personal. So, I struck up a conversation with her and ended up learning a little bit about her. She asked questions about me and I started off the year and my relationship with her on a good note. I felt really good about that. The next day, I saw her by our locker sand wasn't sure about whether I should say hi or not. I decided that it would be a friendly gesture, so said hi. She responded with a big smile and asked me how my year was going. She even offered for me to sit with her at lunch when i told her I didn't know anybody in my lunch period (we ended up having different lunches though). It felt so good to be on positive terms with her. 

I always think back to that one moment. What if I had not said anything to her? I would think of her as I had thought of her when we were kids- mean, and that she didn't like me. 

Although we are not friends today, we are friendly to each other and say hi every so often. It makes me feel good to know that I was able to show myself as a changed person, and to cultivate a relationship with someone I had been on bad terms with previously. 

2. There was another girl in the school with whom I had been on good terms when I left the school district in third grade. We were never close friends, but I remembered her being really nice and friendly. She was and still is the type of girl I would like to be friends with. I knew that she remembered me because I had friended her on Facebook some time before (I felt embarrassed by that because I ended up not saying anything to her when I saw her) and she had accepted me. Anyway, I saw her on the first day of school  in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if I should say hi to her and feared that I would seem weird if I did because we didn't actually know each other well. So, I ended up not saying anything. I still don't know if I should have, but we had a class together all year and she was always really sweet and seemed interested in getting to know me. I wish now that I had turned out to be better friends with her, and had started a conversation with her. 

Two years later, she still notices me when she sees me and I only wish that I would have just asked her a question or complimented her (sincerely) to start a conversation.

Moral of these stories and these posts is to take chances. In the second case, I was given many, but never grabbed at any of them. I wish I had. So what if we ended up not being friends. At least I would have made a move (even if it took a couple- not everything comes together right away). 

So, take these tips:

• People change- give them chances. Just as you have gone through experiences, so have others. 
• Give people the benefit of the doubt- just like you would want them to give to you.
• Don't think too much- if it's not life-threatening, take a chance. If you are placed in the position and are given the perfect circumstances, why not?
• People are usually nice when you are nice to them- so just be friendly 
• Sometimes you just need to let things unfold- all you need is a spark (your starting a conversation or smiling at somebody) and the rest will work itself out.

So go and live your life to its fullest. 

Don't think, worry, or stress too much about outcomes. If it's meant to work out, it will. Just be the spark and watch the rest of the story unfold. 

Sometimes there won't be a story, but that's ok too. The important point is that you made your move and you will know that for yourself. 

Some songs that came to my mind when writing this:

I have always loved this song, and always will.

One of my favorite songs- the message is clear: If you want it, go for it. If it's meant to be, it will be.

For the People Who Are Hard On Themselves

I was watching a video on happiness, and the lecturer was talking about how people have highs and lows. When we have just achieved, bought, or are inspired by something, we feel really happy and good about ourselves. However, as time goes on, we seem to forget about our previous achievements and long for more to achieve, buy, and feel inspired by.

While it is good for us to want to achieve more and feel more inspired, it is important that we remember what we have already achieved and the things that have previously moved us. 

Don't stop working hard and dreaming!!!
Dream.
Work Hard.
Just remember not to drive yourselves crazy.

I seem to never be satisfied. I am constantly pushing myself to do and be more. more, more. 
But . . . life is about working hard and playing hard. 
There are times to work and there are times to relax.

So . . .  

1. Always keep your goals in mind, and ask yourself what you have done thus far to achieve them. Are you slacking? Do you work and relax equally?
2. Don't drive yourself crazy. The way that I think about it is that I don't want to realize at the end of my life that I was just always pushing myself and never took the time to realize how far I had come, that I never took time to smell the roses. 
3. Give yourself the time to feel proud of yourself and congratulate yourself on trying. Be tough but kind to yourself. 

Now go out and achieve your dreams, the big and small, current and future. 
Just make sure that you feel the pride from your hard work and remember how far you have already come.