One Simple Rule to Have a Good Day

If there is any one thing that I have majorly incorporated into my life... it would have to be this.

Before I started doing this on a regular basis, I would allow anxiety and fear to take over. I would get nervous about this or that and focus solely on my negative emotions. Or, I would focus on not focusing on my negative emotions... and that only made matters worse.

I know you have heard about this before... it's basic and simple...

Yet not many of us actually use this simple technique.

It goes like this:

Feel fear or anxiety or nerves kicking in --> repeatedly tell yourself it will be a good day and that things will be alright --> have a good day and things turn out alright.

Yup, that's it. I know, right? Duh.

The other day I was running late for work. I woke up at 6 am as opposed to the planned 5:15 am. I left the house 15 minutes late. I was nervous about possibly being late (I wasn't. I actually clocked in at the exact right time!) and frustrated with myself for going to bed late even though I knew I would have a hard time getting up the next day. For literally the first 15 minutes of my car ride, I kept repeating to myself that it was going to be a good, phenomenal, spectacular (all the synonyms)... day.

And every time a negative thought would seep into my mind, I would repeat that it was going to be a wonderful day.

When I (quickly) walked into work and felt a pang of anxiety (I hate rushing in general), I blocked out that negative thought by not giving it any of my energy. Instead, I put my energy into thinking positive thoughts that would help me rather than hinder me.

I also have come to realize that when I think positively, even in my head, negative situations seem better than they would have otherwise (if I allowed my negative thoughts to take driver's seat). Everything in general just seems a lot better during the day and during the stumbling blocks that I may experience throughout the day.

So next time you have a negative thought or feeling repeatedly knocking on your door, remember to target your energy towards positive thoughts... because you will attract positivity into your life and into your day.

Oh... and smile. It helps a lot too:)

There are Millions of Different Realities

I meant to write this blog post right after watching the hit Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. I didn't have a chance to work on it right after I finished watching the series and so here I am now a month later, finishing up this blog post.

There are may views and opinions on the show- specifically the storyline and the nature of the main character's response to the situations in her life. Some believe she over-reacted, some didn't think the scenarios were realistic, etc . . .

However, whether or not you feel those ways or all-together just simply did not like the show- there is something that is astoundingly true. There is a stark reality of life that is very well depicted in the series. This is something that everyone can relate to, learn from, and should absolutely apply to their lives.

This reality that I am referring to is the MILLIONS of DIFFERENT realities experienced by ALL PEOPLE.

Yes, the millions of different realities. Think about this. It is something so simple and that we know is obviously true. You may be wondering why I am making a deal of this. But how often do you actually think about this? Like, really actually authentically honestly think about this.

You never know what is going on in a person's life. The way people act, the things they do, the things they say... are all reflections of their personal lives- which we may well know little to nothing about.

I think this show did a phenomenal job at representing this truth, and at representing how rarely people actually tend to give attention to this fact. Everyone gets caught up in their own lives and have their own opinions about things, but we must remember that this is exactly why we must be careful. Just because something isn't a big deal to us, it doesn't mean it's not a big deal to someone else.

Also, we don't know what is going on in other people's lives. You just might be their last straw. What you say or do, or don't say or don't do, maybe a major factor. It may be able to change someone's day or even life.

The actors and Selena Gomez (executive producer) mentioned it was the aim of the show to get people to treat each other better. Its goal was to change the way people look at each other and perceive others. It is a call-to-action; it is calling out to young people these days, to change the way they treat each other.

The take-away of this blog post is such:

Your words and actions matter. Choose them wisely. If you want to make a change, make a good change. Be the good change, the happy moment, or the saving factor in someone's life.
Just because you think something is a small matter, it doesn't mean it's a small matter to someone else.
Your happiest moment might be occurring at the same time someone else is experiencing their worst moment.
Just because you don't see something, doesn't mean it's not happening.

Let's all be nicer to each other and take upon ourselves to make this world a better, happier place for all of us. Do your part.

Why You Should Start Writing

Writing is something that I have always enjoyed- whether it be poetry, music, blog posts, or in personal journals. Here are some reasons why you should start writing too:

• You start to notice things about the world and things about yourself that you would not have noticed otherwise. Writing allows for the free-flowing of all your thoughts and emotions. Simply thinking or trying to sort out my thoughts a lot of times results in confusion and basically not really getting anywhere. When I'm really unsure about how I am feeling, I know that simply writing everything out will allow me to really understand what I'm trying to say (to myself even). Through this process- pouring out your thoughts (even in an unorganized fashion) allows you to learn a lot about yourself. You begin to realize a pattern with yourself such as where your thoughts drift, what you spend most of your time thinking about, what you consider to be most important to yourself, what might truly make you feel happy and at peace, and the best way for you to deal with your emotions. And surprisingly, through learning more about yourself, you also begin to realize things about other people and the world in general. You begin realizing that certain things don't only apply to you and you become more cognizant of others' emotions because you are so in tune with your own. I have noticed that the more I understand myself, the more I come to understand others, why other people do the things they do, and how to help others. How? Because I start noticing other people doing things or acting in ways I do or did- and you understand their positions on those things or actions because you were able to analyze that said thing. 
• You become more cognizant of what you are feeling. Thoughts and emotions can be extremely abstract. They can be difficult to discern and organize. Even though something may seem simple, oftentimes we overcomplicate them with over-thinking and over-contemplating. Writing things out makes you really think of what you're trying to say and puts thoughts and feelings into words. Sometimes you may even come to realize that there isn't really anything to say- your discombobulated thoughts and spur of emotions are just due to anxiety that has no place in your life. I can't tell you how many times writing has made me realize that I was wasting time on literally nothing. 

• One of the best ways to communicate. Like I said before, writing out feelings and thoughts helps us organize and make sense of them. Sometimes, this works better than just talking things out. Like a story. How many books do you think would have been as good as they were if they were spoken? Sometimes, words can express more emotions and can give a person the opportunity to absorb the feelings that a writer is trying to convey. Or writing a letter to a friend, such as on their birthday. There is something different about writing out for someone how much you appreciate them. I want to bring up another wonderful example of how writing can help you communicate with others. This one you may find surprising. I certainly did. A couple of months ago, I got into an argument with my sister. I was so upset at her, that I didn't even want to talk to her. Even if I wanted to I knew that if I would, she would get defensive and we would only end up exhausted from fighting and not really getting anywhere. My dad-a psychiatrist- gave me a very good idea. He recommended that I write her a letter. At first, I was skeptical of this idea. I thought it was sort of weird. But he insisted that I write one and that it would be easier for her to understand where I was coming from. So I did. I spent about an hour writing her a 3-page letter (12-point font and single-spaced). I really thought about all the things I wanted to say to her. You know how when you are in the midst of an argument and you realize that you don't know how to get your point across, or how to express why you're upset or what the other person did wrong, or realize that you used the wrong words? Or worse yet, you look back after an argument and wish you had said something you didn't say or didn't say something you did say? Writing a letter instead of confronting her in person, gave me the time to think my argument out. It gave me an opportunity to see what I may have done wrong and caused to precipitate the argument. It gave me the opportunity to choose the right words, the ones that best expressed my frustration- and to explain myself in an organized way. Sometimes when we get upset at people, there are also underlying things that are bothering us. A lot of times, people argue because of a culmination of things- little things a person does, how a person tends to act, what another person always seems to do, etc. In this 3-page letter, I was able to write out everything I wanted to say. Point-by-point. I knew that if I confronted her- it would end the same as usual- telling her why I was upset, then bringing something else up- and getting to the point where we were both confused and not even sure how to finish the discussion. Writing the letter allowed me to go through everything I was angry about in an organized manner so that she could understand why I was upset. It was also probably the fairest way I could confront her. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes and have our faults. Nobody likes being confronted and all of a sudden having to defend themselves. By writing my sister a letter, I gave her the opportunity to think through how she wanted to respond and to really understand where I was coming from. It was the best thing I could've done for her too (and for our relationship in general). She then ended up writing to me why she was upset and we were able to fix the problem in a matter of 20 minutes. I had made it clear that I wasn't blaming her- but rather I was just trying to tell her how I felt. So it really was just a discussion and not an argument from that point on. So, some pointers on the set way to do this:

• Start off with "Name,". This shows that you are indeed writing a letter, which is waaayyyy different than just a regular word document of you throwing insults and reasons why you are angry. It will give the other person the understanding that you are not trying to disrespect them, which will allow them to start reading the letter without having their guard up (which is always good when you're trying to have an open conversation with the intent of going somewhere). 
• The first paragraph should sound something like this: "I am writing you this letter because I am too upset to talk to you in person. This letter is not to blame you for anything or to continue an argument- it is simply me letting you know how I feel because I don't like whatever it is that always happens between us. I am in no way trying to play a victim and am not allowing myself to be on the defensive. I am simply saying whatever it is that is bothering me and letting you do whatever you want with it." 
• Be honest!!!! If you don't remember exactly what went down, then say that. And always share your downfall too. Mention what you did wrong, how you could've acted better, and what you could've done differently (if it applies to your situation) Something like: "I honestly don’t remember what our last argument was about- but there’s been a general pattern of you getting aggravated and starting to act rudely towards me. I remember having said some mean things to you. That wasn’t very good of me. It makes me upset that I stoop to such a low."

• Slows life for a bit. I love writing when I don't want to forget a moment or when I know I will miss a moment (as in feel nostalgic for it). I always feel that writing in the moment allows for me to stay in the moment for longer. I don't really know why, but I have been doing this for a while now- writing in moments (sorry- I keep using that word) that I just want to enjoy. You may wonder, "well, wouldn't that ruin the moment since you're paying attention to writing about it?" However, writing down how I feel helps me to sort of savor those emotions that I'm feeling. This also eventually makes for a really good souvenir. I usually write the location, date and, time. I love in the future being able to read through my notes and having them to remind me of how I felt.

It's OK to Be Different. In fact, I Prefer It.

Ever allow the world or the media or people to make you feel guilty or wrong for not wanting something or being a certain way or not liking something?
Or worse- have you ever beaten yourself up for these reasons?

I was just thinking the other night and came to an awfully obvious and simple realization that I berate myself all the time for not being or doing things that I wouldn't want to be or do anyway. 

Everyone does this. Most people just don't realize it. Think about it. The things we wear, the way we spend our time, the information we put out into the world...
Like for example- how many of us actually enjoy parties? A lot of people do, and a lot of people don't. I never did. And for a long time-like when I was in high school and earlier in college- I thought that was a problem. I thought it was a problem that I didn't want to party or drink. I thought it was something to fix. So I would go to some parties and convince myself to drink (not a lot, but that's not the point). I would go to bars and clubs when the opportunities arose and though it was fun, I can't say it was something I loved.

But I kept telling myself that that wasn't OK. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with the fact that I wasn't into it. Why wasn't I into it? Why couldn't I be the type that was?

Or with how people act. Why am I not as good at gossiping as other people are? Socializing would be a lot easier with most people if I knew how to gossip like they could.

I know this sounds absolutely absurd (to some, at least). Who wants to be the type who gossips a lot or who is good at gossiping (whatever that means)? But I think most of you would know what that means. And as I am getting older, I am learning that even as I grow older- I will always be surrounded by people who are okay with being gossipers, or with being dishonest. The scary thing is that the more I see and hear it- the more alright it seems to become even though I don't want to be this kind of person or be surrounded by them.

Note: In this blog post, I am not referring to people who like to party or drink. Everyone is different and I think people should do what they want to do. I don't judge that way. I am referring to people who are mean just to be mean, or judgmental because it's easy to be. I am referring to people who are your friends sometimes- one minute they're there for you and the next they aren't. They won't save you a seat, but they'll ask you to share your notes. That kind of thing. I'm referring to people who are fake to your face and they're OK with it.

This isn't to say that there are the good and the bad. I don't think that anyone I am referring to is inherently bad. These people aren't bad people (well most of them, at least I believe)- they just don't know how to act. And a lot of times they aren't bold enough to try to find another way to accept themselves. They act the way they do because of insecurities and because they are immature. That's sad.

Anyway...
For some time, I felt like maybe I should be more like that. More fake, more judgmental, more standoffish (although these people have no reason to be standoffish because there is nothing about them that should make them think they are in the position to be). But I didn't want to be this way. If I don't like someone, I won't pretend to like them. I won't be nice or mean. I'll just be friendly. Nice. Normal.

I've been in many circles. I've met people from all backgrounds. And though I know what I want and that there is better- being around toxic people is...well... toxic. And the wrong slowly but surely starts to seem right. I've been in private schools and public schools, religious and non-religious groups, in circles that include the smart and wealthy, and in groups with some of the most classless and emotionally unintelligent people I've ever met. Even when you know there is better, it is hard to act accordingly when you're not surrounded by it. I've realized that there are people who are above all this. They decide for themselves. They act with integrity.

As I'm getting older, I'm beginning to become impatient with people like this: They can follow you on Instagram but completely ignore you even in situations when it's awkward to ignore you. I don't care about these people. I don't even know them because they won't let me. These things don't hurt my feelings because if someone can't socialize with me in person but cares to follow me to see what's up with my life- then they're missing out, not me. I just don't appreciate the thin air that they make of themselves.
There are those who can look in a person's eyes as if they are cool with them, when just a couple of seconds ago they were talking behind that person's back. I don't get it. And it's not like these are dramatic things. These people will get upset about the smallest things. What someone didn't say, or how what they said was "weird." The amount of times I've heard the word "weird" lately, makes me want to scream. Aren't we all adults? Aren't we all people? I get middle school and high school. But past that? Grow up. Why do you think everything is weird? That's weird. 

Why am I writing this?
Because this is the thing that I have been battling with. Somewhere along the way, this type of treatment towards each other became normal to me. There was a point when I tried to be more like that. So that I could get by. Because at a certain point I felt like everyone else was being dishonest with me too. If they are talking about their close friends the way they do, I'm sure they talk about me that way too. If they talk about each other, why wouldn't they talk about me? If they get upset about such minor things- then they're noticing everything I'm doing wrong and judging me. I thought it would be easier to just be like everyone else. The majority of people seem to follow whatever is lying around.

But I can't fake things. I can't say something nasty about somebody for doing or saying something minor. I don't want to be the type of person who finds everything weird or as something that needs to be commented on. If I am friends with somebody, I would never half-ass my friendship with him/her. I would never talk behind my friend's back. Especially not nonchalantly.

And I don't want to be like that.

And I think it's because I'm real with people. I think it's because I have been lucky to have real friends and to know people who aren't like this- who aren't mean and nasty just for the sake of being.  I don't understand why so many of these things are OK. I think it may be because these people are surrounded by people who act this way. Perhaps they themselves have never had real friends.

***************************

If you find yourself in a similar predicament or if you have come to realize that you need to be more honest with yourself... realize that it's okay to be different. It's okay to choose an unpopular path. Just because it's less commonly chosen, doesn't mean it's wrong. Perhaps everyone else is wrong and you're right.

If you don't go down the right path, perhaps you'll never know.

How To Make a Decision

I am awful at making decisions. Not even just the big ones.
Not only does it take me forever to decide what I'm going to order at a restaurant, but I also slip up on long-term goals that I make for myself because I tend to cave into decisions that give me the easier way out.

I am writing on this topic because I think this is something many people can relate to. For a while, I have been wondering how I can get myself to stick to my goals and plans. The more challenging ones, that is. The ones that make the difference between who I am and who I would like to be more of.

I think it is safe to say that we all have things we would like to change about ourselves. Maybe they are small things- but they are important nonetheless. The problem is that even when it is so easy to decide what we would rather have, sometimes taking the steps toward those changes are so hard. We know we should do or not do something, but we just can't control ourselves.

I'll use the best example in my case.

Food.

For a while now, I have been trying to change my eating habits. Though I have improved a lot, I am still not where I would like to be. I am not where I know I could be. I know that if I just follow a healthier diet along with my workout regimen, I would be so much closer to my goals. I work out so much, but it doesn't really matter if I can't eat the way one needs to if they want the results that I want. I'm not asking myself to do anything impossible- but rather just to make the right decisions. I am asking myself to not half-ass my goals. I am asking myself to take things more seriously and to be more disciplined. It's been a while now since I set these goals and all I see is my efforts going to waste because I can't ignore my desire to eat foods I shouldn't be eating (at least most of the time). But still- with this type of goal, you have to be consistent and follow the science. I know that I just have to follow the rules.

But for some reason, when I have the choice between short-term satisfaction and long-term pride, I usually cave into short-term satisfaction. I don't have this problem in other aspects of my life. I can get myself to study for hours without a problem. I can control myself when I'm angry about something. But I can't resist this issue that I know would make me a happier, healthier person.

I have been able to make many changes in my life though. Because I realized something.

I realized that everything was just a cycle. I make a mistake, feel upset, tell myself it's OK to make a mistake, I make the mistake again, I feel the same way.... and feel like I'll never be able to break my cycle.

I was tired of feeling unhappy with the fact that I couldn't take the reigns of my own happiness (in this context). I was tired of thinking that I couldn't control my own fate. I wanted to feel and look a certain way... and when would this actually happen? If I can't make it happen now, when will I ever be able to make it happen?

I realized that this made me really unhappy.

So the next time I came to the same fork in the road... I asked myself what would make me feel good.
How will you feel after you make the decision you know you shouldn't? 
How will you feel after you make the decision you know you should?

And I made the right decision. And I felt good about it. And then I continued using this tactic to make my decisions. I started using this in every aspect of my life.

What will make me feel good?
And I go with whatever will make me feel good.

I'm not talking about short-term "good".
I am referring to the type of feel good that we will look back on and be happy we made that decision. What will make me feel good in three minutes or three hours or one year from now? What do I honestly think will make me a happier, better person?

I believe we all truly know what makes us feel good. Sometimes we make decisions because we want something to make us feel good- we want to believe it will. But what's even better than that is being honest with ourselves and allowing ourselves to follow the truth even if it's hard. That says a lot about your character.

So next time you need to make a decision, ask yourself-

What will make you feel good?

Commitment

I've written previously about my current goals and how I've been slacking at keeping up with them. I don't know what it has been- perhaps I've gotten burnt out. So many years of working towards things- so maybe my brain just needs a break from all the pressure I put on myself-which is fine as long as I get my head back into the game.

I was watching a video on Facebook (I'm sorry that I can't recall the name of the page on which I saw it- I will update this post when I remember) in which David Beckham was speaking about his success.

The one thing that he said contributed to his success the most was commitment. He spoke of how his friends used to go out on Saturday nights and hang out, but he would have to stay home and prepare for the next day's soccer games- and would spend his time watching soccer videos to better perfect his techniques.

And I thought to myself: it's not easy for anyone. Everyone who has gotten somewhere in life had to work towards their achievements. Every successful person has had to make major decisions in his or her life, or lose something in turn for reaching their dreams. And this doesn't end when one becomes successful.

I then began to think of some of the most successful people. Let me use Beyonce as an example. She is highly respected, talented, wealthy, etc. But think of what her life entails. Hours of rehearsals, traveling all over the world (for work purposes, not exactly vacations), less time spent with her family, etc.

Selena Gomez, who became successful at a very young age- although I'm sure she was happy to land shows and sign on to a record label, etc... there were certain parts of her life that were more challenging than an average person's her age. Being in the public eye, having to look a certain way for the entertainment industry, having to live up to others' expectations and requirements, having to grow up quickly, etc. She had to be mature and capable of handling what essentially is a job (it's her career).

Though these people live rather unique lives- ones which seem glamorous and exciting from the outside...they also come with major sacrifices.

I wondered if I would be able to do what they do. When I was younger, I dreamed of being an actress and singer. But now that I realize what it means to be those things- I don't think being those things would make me happy. I don't even think I would be capable of living such structured, intense, fast-paced and demanding lifestyle.

I would rather live a life for myself and not for others (sometimes average people can get caught up in the wrong meaning of this too- *Instagram and Facebook/ social media in general*), and put my time towards my family rather than towards an image I have to build.

And this is not to say that fame and certain careers are wrong to strive for. Definitely not. But rather, that dreams come with commitment and one should realize that commitment is worth it if it will lead to genuine happiness. If it does, then go for it. And if you don't know if it will, then still go for it. Just make sure you don't lose yourself in the process.

The main reason I decided to write this blog post is because it made me realize that I haven't been hard enough on myself. I have a goal weight and so decided I will cut back on calories. Yet I snack extra throughout the day, I allow myself to skip workouts, I give myself excuses saying my siblings are going out for ice cream so I will too . . .

If I want to reach my goal, then I have to commit to certain things. Not having what everyone else has, not always doing what I want, not slacking on my workout routine . . .

David Beckham would not have gotten to where he is today if he went out with his friends instead of focusing on soccer. Beyonce would not be so successful if she didn't rehearse as much as she did, which I'm sure gets in the way of the rest of her life and plans she may want to make. Selena Gomez would not be where she is today if she decided to go hang out with friends at 12 years old instead of practicing for auditions or preparing for concerts.

Have a goal?
Commitment.
Keep this in mind.

How to Break Bad Habits