Simple Rules to a Happy Life and Healthy Relationships

Be grateful
Be happy for others

Recognize your internal beauty
See the beauty within others

Go out of your comfort zone
Encourage others to reach their goals

Recognize your intrinsic value
Treat others like they are valuable

Respect yourself
Treat others with respect

Be able to accept help
Help others

Focus on what is truly meaningful to you
Help others find what is meaningful to them

Find and invest in true friendships
Be a true friend for others

Also, the quote I live by:

3 Things to Remember When Encountering New Struggles and Fears

These past two weeks have been filled with confusion... they have been a bit "fuzzy" (as I like to put it). I guess this all just has to do with being a senior in college and having to face the need to figure out the next step. Also, just trying to figure out exactly what I want to do and what I am willing to do in order to do those things... yeah. Many things that I want to do would require for me to really jump out of my comfort zone (something I thought I was really good at doing, and honestly can fairly say I usually am good at).

All of this, and also other stressful situations... have sort of caused me to lose my focus- trying to be the best person and grow internally. I don't know why, but I am always so in tune with my behavior and am so focused on a certain way of being.. and I get overwhelmed and frustrated when I fall out of line. No one is perfect and there are ALWAYS going to be these phases of needing to get yourself back on track.

I was just sitting in my room, feeling totally unmotivated and sluggish- when I decided to write a blog post. I was going to type something I wrote a month ago, but then I was looking over some notes and decided to write about this today because it applies to how I am currently feeling.

Whenever I think of something clever or hear interesting ideas... I always write them down. I know that I will be able to use whatever wisdom at some point in my life. I was looking through some notes I wrote and decided to focus on three major ideas when tackling these "fuzzy" phases in my life.

Define yourself by what you can control- your growth and decisions 
I often become overwhelmed by so many things that are out of my control. Everyone does. We get stressed about other people, different situations that we could or could not avoid, not getting what we feel we deserve or that we worked for... and then just a bunch of random daily little ridiculously insignificant moments.
The best way to stay focused through all of these aspects of life is to remember that you are defined not by what other people think of you or how they treat you... or by what happens to you or the cards you have been dealt... but rather, you are defined by how you treat others, how you respond to situations in your life, and the amount you grow as a person. These are all things you can control, and so are worthy of helping you determine how you are doing.
I got into an argument with someone the other day. The reason I got upset is that this person happens to be late for scheduled times even when I am adamant about her needing to be on time. I was upset about her being late yet again and so expressed my frustration to someone else. This said person who is often late was not supposed to see the message I sent to the other person, but she and now an argument has ensued. I thought: I am going to confront the annoying person who shared my message, and I will wait for an apology from the person who was initially the reason I was upset...
Though I do believe both of these people were wrong for acting the ways they did and that I do deserve an apology... I feel somewhat bad for what I said about said person even though nothing I said was a lie. Because even though someone else did something wrong and they probably deserved to have certain things said about them, it was I who acted in a manner that I a not proud of. I am unhappy about the way I reacted... and this is because I know however I respond to certain situations is in my control and my wrongdoing... not another's.
This is how I try to look at situations and how I respond to them... that I am defined by how I act, not someone else's actions.  I think that one of the reasons I have been feeling the way I do, is because I have been focusing on the wrong things. I need to concern myself with what I can control and decisions that I can make.

"Pride is concerned with who is right; humity is concerned with what is right."

The greatest skill in life is the ability to change 
With all new things flooding my way, I remind myself that change is not always bad. More importantly, the ability to change is of extreme importance. Even having a desire to change is necessary because change allows for us to grow and introduces excitement into our lives. I try to remember this concept when attempting to establish post-graduation plans. Should I stay home where I already have food in the fridge and everything being paid for (thanks mom and dad) or take the (exciting and scary) risk of moving closer to my friends and new opportunities in the city? I am strongly considering this move because I feel the need for change... however, actually changing is the hard part. Being able to do something different and not take the easy way out is an important skill. I have realized that I feel happier when I create change in myself or my environment. And so it is change that I am focusing on and not the absence of fear, when trying to decide what is the right thing to do and what will make me happy.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."- Meg Cabot, The Princess Diaries 

We are all going to die anyway
It is sometimes scary to put yourself out there and try new things. You don't always know if you will fail or if other people will judge you negatively. You don't know if you will make a fool out of yourself. I think putting yourself out there is exciting, it makes you different than the average Joe Shmo, and that it honestly doesn't matter in the spectrum of things. I know this concept is a bit belittling, but come on. In all honesty (I mean, you know), we are all going to die one day and all that will remain in this world is our legacy. Also, no one will remember the embarrassing or akward things you did if they are dead. You won't remember either. And if there is anything they want to remember, it definitely won't be something negative about you. The concept of death makes us all vulnerable and somewhat on the same level at the end of the day. We are all people our own insecurities, fears and dreams... which some us will folllow and achieve while others won't. Who would you rather be?

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most improtant tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in my life. Almost everything- all external expectations, all pride, all fears of embarrassment or failure- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."-  Steve Jobs

Well, that's all for today. I hope you were able to gain something from this post. Feel free to share your opinions and experiences.

One Simple Rule to Have a Good Day

If there is any one thing that I have majorly incorporated into my life... it would have to be this.

Before I started doing this on a regular basis, I would allow anxiety and fear to take over. I would get nervous about this or that and focus solely on my negative emotions. Or, I would focus on not focusing on my negative emotions... and that only made matters worse.

I know you have heard about this before... it's basic and simple...

Yet not many of us actually use this simple technique.

It goes like this:

Feel fear or anxiety or nerves kicking in --> repeatedly tell yourself it will be a good day and that things will be alright --> have a good day and things turn out alright.

Yup, that's it. I know, right? Duh.

The other day I was running late for work. I woke up at 6 am as opposed to the planned 5:15 am. I left the house 15 minutes late. I was nervous about possibly being late (I wasn't. I actually clocked in at the exact right time!) and frustrated with myself for going to bed late even though I knew I would have a hard time getting up the next day. For literally the first 15 minutes of my car ride, I kept repeating to myself that it was going to be a good, phenomenal, spectacular (all the synonyms)... day.

And every time a negative thought would seep into my mind, I would repeat that it was going to be a wonderful day.

When I (quickly) walked into work and felt a pang of anxiety (I hate rushing in general), I blocked out that negative thought by not giving it any of my energy. Instead, I put my energy into thinking positive thoughts that would help me rather than hinder me.

I also have come to realize that when I think positively, even in my head, negative situations seem better than they would have otherwise (if I allowed my negative thoughts to take driver's seat). Everything in general just seems a lot better during the day and during the stumbling blocks that I may experience throughout the day.

So next time you have a negative thought or feeling repeatedly knocking on your door, remember to target your energy towards positive thoughts... because you will attract positivity into your life and into your day.

Oh... and smile. It helps a lot too:)

There are Millions of Different Realities

I meant to write this blog post right after watching the hit Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. I didn't have a chance to work on it right after I finished watching the series and so here I am now a month later, finishing up this blog post.

There are may views and opinions on the show- specifically the storyline and the nature of the main character's response to the situations in her life. Some believe she over-reacted, some didn't think the scenarios were realistic, etc . . .

However, whether or not you feel those ways or all-together just simply did not like the show- there is something that is astoundingly true. There is a stark reality of life that is very well depicted in the series. This is something that everyone can relate to, learn from, and should absolutely apply to their lives.

This reality that I am referring to is the MILLIONS of DIFFERENT realities experienced by ALL PEOPLE.

Yes, the millions of different realities. Think about this. It is something so simple and that we know is obviously true. You may be wondering why I am making a deal of this. But how often do you actually think about this? Like, really actually authentically honestly think about this.

You never know what is going on in a person's life. The way people act, the things they do, the things they say... are all reflections of their personal lives- which we may well know little to nothing about.

I think this show did a phenomenal job at representing this truth, and at representing how rarely people actually tend to give attention to this fact. Everyone gets caught up in their own lives and have their own opinions about things, but we must remember that this is exactly why we must be careful. Just because something isn't a big deal to us, it doesn't mean it's not a big deal to someone else.

Also, we don't know what is going on in other people's lives. You just might be their last straw. What you say or do, or don't say or don't do, maybe a major factor. It may be able to change someone's day or even life.

The actors and Selena Gomez (executive producer) mentioned it was the aim of the show to get people to treat each other better. Its goal was to change the way people look at each other and perceive others. It is a call-to-action; it is calling out to young people these days, to change the way they treat each other.

The take-away of this blog post is such:

Your words and actions matter. Choose them wisely. If you want to make a change, make a good change. Be the good change, the happy moment, or the saving factor in someone's life.
Just because you think something is a small matter, it doesn't mean it's a small matter to someone else.
Your happiest moment might be occurring at the same time someone else is experiencing their worst moment.
Just because you don't see something, doesn't mean it's not happening.

Let's all be nicer to each other and take upon ourselves to make this world a better, happier place for all of us. Do your part.

Why You Should Start Writing

Writing is something that I have always enjoyed- whether it be poetry, music, blog posts, or in personal journals. Here are some reasons why you should start writing too:

• You start to notice things about the world and things about yourself that you would not have noticed otherwise. Writing allows for the free-flowing of all your thoughts and emotions. Simply thinking or trying to sort out my thoughts a lot of times results in confusion and basically not really getting anywhere. When I'm really unsure about how I am feeling, I know that simply writing everything out will allow me to really understand what I'm trying to say (to myself even). Through this process- pouring out your thoughts (even in an unorganized fashion) allows you to learn a lot about yourself. You begin to realize a pattern with yourself such as where your thoughts drift, what you spend most of your time thinking about, what you consider to be most important to yourself, what might truly make you feel happy and at peace, and the best way for you to deal with your emotions. And surprisingly, through learning more about yourself, you also begin to realize things about other people and the world in general. You begin realizing that certain things don't only apply to you and you become more cognizant of others' emotions because you are so in tune with your own. I have noticed that the more I understand myself, the more I come to understand others, why other people do the things they do, and how to help others. How? Because I start noticing other people doing things or acting in ways I do or did- and you understand their positions on those things or actions because you were able to analyze that said thing. 
• You become more cognizant of what you are feeling. Thoughts and emotions can be extremely abstract. They can be difficult to discern and organize. Even though something may seem simple, oftentimes we overcomplicate them with over-thinking and over-contemplating. Writing things out makes you really think of what you're trying to say and puts thoughts and feelings into words. Sometimes you may even come to realize that there isn't really anything to say- your discombobulated thoughts and spur of emotions are just due to anxiety that has no place in your life. I can't tell you how many times writing has made me realize that I was wasting time on literally nothing. 

• One of the best ways to communicate. Like I said before, writing out feelings and thoughts helps us organize and make sense of them. Sometimes, this works better than just talking things out. Like a story. How many books do you think would have been as good as they were if they were spoken? Sometimes, words can express more emotions and can give a person the opportunity to absorb the feelings that a writer is trying to convey. Or writing a letter to a friend, such as on their birthday. There is something different about writing out for someone how much you appreciate them. I want to bring up another wonderful example of how writing can help you communicate with others. This one you may find surprising. I certainly did. A couple of months ago, I got into an argument with my sister. I was so upset at her, that I didn't even want to talk to her. Even if I wanted to I knew that if I would, she would get defensive and we would only end up exhausted from fighting and not really getting anywhere. My dad-a psychiatrist- gave me a very good idea. He recommended that I write her a letter. At first, I was skeptical of this idea. I thought it was sort of weird. But he insisted that I write one and that it would be easier for her to understand where I was coming from. So I did. I spent about an hour writing her a 3-page letter (12-point font and single-spaced). I really thought about all the things I wanted to say to her. You know how when you are in the midst of an argument and you realize that you don't know how to get your point across, or how to express why you're upset or what the other person did wrong, or realize that you used the wrong words? Or worse yet, you look back after an argument and wish you had said something you didn't say or didn't say something you did say? Writing a letter instead of confronting her in person, gave me the time to think my argument out. It gave me an opportunity to see what I may have done wrong and caused to precipitate the argument. It gave me the opportunity to choose the right words, the ones that best expressed my frustration- and to explain myself in an organized way. Sometimes when we get upset at people, there are also underlying things that are bothering us. A lot of times, people argue because of a culmination of things- little things a person does, how a person tends to act, what another person always seems to do, etc. In this 3-page letter, I was able to write out everything I wanted to say. Point-by-point. I knew that if I confronted her- it would end the same as usual- telling her why I was upset, then bringing something else up- and getting to the point where we were both confused and not even sure how to finish the discussion. Writing the letter allowed me to go through everything I was angry about in an organized manner so that she could understand why I was upset. It was also probably the fairest way I could confront her. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes and have our faults. Nobody likes being confronted and all of a sudden having to defend themselves. By writing my sister a letter, I gave her the opportunity to think through how she wanted to respond and to really understand where I was coming from. It was the best thing I could've done for her too (and for our relationship in general). She then ended up writing to me why she was upset and we were able to fix the problem in a matter of 20 minutes. I had made it clear that I wasn't blaming her- but rather I was just trying to tell her how I felt. So it really was just a discussion and not an argument from that point on. So, some pointers on the set way to do this:

• Start off with "Name,". This shows that you are indeed writing a letter, which is waaayyyy different than just a regular word document of you throwing insults and reasons why you are angry. It will give the other person the understanding that you are not trying to disrespect them, which will allow them to start reading the letter without having their guard up (which is always good when you're trying to have an open conversation with the intent of going somewhere). 
• The first paragraph should sound something like this: "I am writing you this letter because I am too upset to talk to you in person. This letter is not to blame you for anything or to continue an argument- it is simply me letting you know how I feel because I don't like whatever it is that always happens between us. I am in no way trying to play a victim and am not allowing myself to be on the defensive. I am simply saying whatever it is that is bothering me and letting you do whatever you want with it." 
• Be honest!!!! If you don't remember exactly what went down, then say that. And always share your downfall too. Mention what you did wrong, how you could've acted better, and what you could've done differently (if it applies to your situation) Something like: "I honestly don’t remember what our last argument was about- but there’s been a general pattern of you getting aggravated and starting to act rudely towards me. I remember having said some mean things to you. That wasn’t very good of me. It makes me upset that I stoop to such a low."

• Slows life for a bit. I love writing when I don't want to forget a moment or when I know I will miss a moment (as in feel nostalgic for it). I always feel that writing in the moment allows for me to stay in the moment for longer. I don't really know why, but I have been doing this for a while now- writing in moments (sorry- I keep using that word) that I just want to enjoy. You may wonder, "well, wouldn't that ruin the moment since you're paying attention to writing about it?" However, writing down how I feel helps me to sort of savor those emotions that I'm feeling. This also eventually makes for a really good souvenir. I usually write the location, date and, time. I love in the future being able to read through my notes and having them to remind me of how I felt.

It's OK to Be Different. In fact, I Prefer It.

Ever allow the world or the media or people to make you feel guilty or wrong for not wanting something or being a certain way or not liking something?
Or worse- have you ever beaten yourself up for these reasons?

I was just thinking the other night and came to an awfully obvious and simple realization that I berate myself all the time for not being or doing things that I wouldn't want to be or do anyway. 

Everyone does this. Most people just don't realize it. Think about it. The things we wear, the way we spend our time, the information we put out into the world...
Like for example- how many of us actually enjoy parties? A lot of people do, and a lot of people don't. I never did. And for a long time-like when I was in high school and earlier in college- I thought that was a problem. I thought it was a problem that I didn't want to party or drink. I thought it was something to fix. So I would go to some parties and convince myself to drink (not a lot, but that's not the point). I would go to bars and clubs when the opportunities arose and though it was fun, I can't say it was something I loved.

But I kept telling myself that that wasn't OK. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with the fact that I wasn't into it. Why wasn't I into it? Why couldn't I be the type that was?

Or with how people act. Why am I not as good at gossiping as other people are? Socializing would be a lot easier with most people if I knew how to gossip like they could.

I know this sounds absolutely absurd (to some, at least). Who wants to be the type who gossips a lot or who is good at gossiping (whatever that means)? But I think most of you would know what that means. And as I am getting older, I am learning that even as I grow older- I will always be surrounded by people who are okay with being gossipers, or with being dishonest. The scary thing is that the more I see and hear it- the more alright it seems to become even though I don't want to be this kind of person or be surrounded by them.

Note: In this blog post, I am not referring to people who like to party or drink. Everyone is different and I think people should do what they want to do. I don't judge that way. I am referring to people who are mean just to be mean, or judgmental because it's easy to be. I am referring to people who are your friends sometimes- one minute they're there for you and the next they aren't. They won't save you a seat, but they'll ask you to share your notes. That kind of thing. I'm referring to people who are fake to your face and they're OK with it.

This isn't to say that there are the good and the bad. I don't think that anyone I am referring to is inherently bad. These people aren't bad people (well most of them, at least I believe)- they just don't know how to act. And a lot of times they aren't bold enough to try to find another way to accept themselves. They act the way they do because of insecurities and because they are immature. That's sad.

Anyway...
For some time, I felt like maybe I should be more like that. More fake, more judgmental, more standoffish (although these people have no reason to be standoffish because there is nothing about them that should make them think they are in the position to be). But I didn't want to be this way. If I don't like someone, I won't pretend to like them. I won't be nice or mean. I'll just be friendly. Nice. Normal.

I've been in many circles. I've met people from all backgrounds. And though I know what I want and that there is better- being around toxic people is...well... toxic. And the wrong slowly but surely starts to seem right. I've been in private schools and public schools, religious and non-religious groups, in circles that include the smart and wealthy, and in groups with some of the most classless and emotionally unintelligent people I've ever met. Even when you know there is better, it is hard to act accordingly when you're not surrounded by it. I've realized that there are people who are above all this. They decide for themselves. They act with integrity.

As I'm getting older, I'm beginning to become impatient with people like this: They can follow you on Instagram but completely ignore you even in situations when it's awkward to ignore you. I don't care about these people. I don't even know them because they won't let me. These things don't hurt my feelings because if someone can't socialize with me in person but cares to follow me to see what's up with my life- then they're missing out, not me. I just don't appreciate the thin air that they make of themselves.
There are those who can look in a person's eyes as if they are cool with them, when just a couple of seconds ago they were talking behind that person's back. I don't get it. And it's not like these are dramatic things. These people will get upset about the smallest things. What someone didn't say, or how what they said was "weird." The amount of times I've heard the word "weird" lately, makes me want to scream. Aren't we all adults? Aren't we all people? I get middle school and high school. But past that? Grow up. Why do you think everything is weird? That's weird. 

Why am I writing this?
Because this is the thing that I have been battling with. Somewhere along the way, this type of treatment towards each other became normal to me. There was a point when I tried to be more like that. So that I could get by. Because at a certain point I felt like everyone else was being dishonest with me too. If they are talking about their close friends the way they do, I'm sure they talk about me that way too. If they talk about each other, why wouldn't they talk about me? If they get upset about such minor things- then they're noticing everything I'm doing wrong and judging me. I thought it would be easier to just be like everyone else. The majority of people seem to follow whatever is lying around.

But I can't fake things. I can't say something nasty about somebody for doing or saying something minor. I don't want to be the type of person who finds everything weird or as something that needs to be commented on. If I am friends with somebody, I would never half-ass my friendship with him/her. I would never talk behind my friend's back. Especially not nonchalantly.

And I don't want to be like that.

And I think it's because I'm real with people. I think it's because I have been lucky to have real friends and to know people who aren't like this- who aren't mean and nasty just for the sake of being.  I don't understand why so many of these things are OK. I think it may be because these people are surrounded by people who act this way. Perhaps they themselves have never had real friends.

***************************

If you find yourself in a similar predicament or if you have come to realize that you need to be more honest with yourself... realize that it's okay to be different. It's okay to choose an unpopular path. Just because it's less commonly chosen, doesn't mean it's wrong. Perhaps everyone else is wrong and you're right.

If you don't go down the right path, perhaps you'll never know.

How To Make a Decision

I am awful at making decisions. Not even just the big ones.
Not only does it take me forever to decide what I'm going to order at a restaurant, but I also slip up on long-term goals that I make for myself because I tend to cave into decisions that give me the easier way out.

I am writing on this topic because I think this is something many people can relate to. For a while, I have been wondering how I can get myself to stick to my goals and plans. The more challenging ones, that is. The ones that make the difference between who I am and who I would like to be more of.

I think it is safe to say that we all have things we would like to change about ourselves. Maybe they are small things- but they are important nonetheless. The problem is that even when it is so easy to decide what we would rather have, sometimes taking the steps toward those changes are so hard. We know we should do or not do something, but we just can't control ourselves.

I'll use the best example in my case.

Food.

For a while now, I have been trying to change my eating habits. Though I have improved a lot, I am still not where I would like to be. I am not where I know I could be. I know that if I just follow a healthier diet along with my workout regimen, I would be so much closer to my goals. I work out so much, but it doesn't really matter if I can't eat the way one needs to if they want the results that I want. I'm not asking myself to do anything impossible- but rather just to make the right decisions. I am asking myself to not half-ass my goals. I am asking myself to take things more seriously and to be more disciplined. It's been a while now since I set these goals and all I see is my efforts going to waste because I can't ignore my desire to eat foods I shouldn't be eating (at least most of the time). But still- with this type of goal, you have to be consistent and follow the science. I know that I just have to follow the rules.

But for some reason, when I have the choice between short-term satisfaction and long-term pride, I usually cave into short-term satisfaction. I don't have this problem in other aspects of my life. I can get myself to study for hours without a problem. I can control myself when I'm angry about something. But I can't resist this issue that I know would make me a happier, healthier person.

I have been able to make many changes in my life though. Because I realized something.

I realized that everything was just a cycle. I make a mistake, feel upset, tell myself it's OK to make a mistake, I make the mistake again, I feel the same way.... and feel like I'll never be able to break my cycle.

I was tired of feeling unhappy with the fact that I couldn't take the reigns of my own happiness (in this context). I was tired of thinking that I couldn't control my own fate. I wanted to feel and look a certain way... and when would this actually happen? If I can't make it happen now, when will I ever be able to make it happen?

I realized that this made me really unhappy.

So the next time I came to the same fork in the road... I asked myself what would make me feel good.
How will you feel after you make the decision you know you shouldn't? 
How will you feel after you make the decision you know you should?

And I made the right decision. And I felt good about it. And then I continued using this tactic to make my decisions. I started using this in every aspect of my life.

What will make me feel good?
And I go with whatever will make me feel good.

I'm not talking about short-term "good".
I am referring to the type of feel good that we will look back on and be happy we made that decision. What will make me feel good in three minutes or three hours or one year from now? What do I honestly think will make me a happier, better person?

I believe we all truly know what makes us feel good. Sometimes we make decisions because we want something to make us feel good- we want to believe it will. But what's even better than that is being honest with ourselves and allowing ourselves to follow the truth even if it's hard. That says a lot about your character.

So next time you need to make a decision, ask yourself-

What will make you feel good?

Commitment

I've written previously about my current goals and how I've been slacking at keeping up with them. I don't know what it has been- perhaps I've gotten burnt out. So many years of working towards things- so maybe my brain just needs a break from all the pressure I put on myself-which is fine as long as I get my head back into the game.

I was watching a video on Facebook (I'm sorry that I can't recall the name of the page on which I saw it- I will update this post when I remember) in which David Beckham was speaking about his success.

The one thing that he said contributed to his success the most was commitment. He spoke of how his friends used to go out on Saturday nights and hang out, but he would have to stay home and prepare for the next day's soccer games- and would spend his time watching soccer videos to better perfect his techniques.

And I thought to myself: it's not easy for anyone. Everyone who has gotten somewhere in life had to work towards their achievements. Every successful person has had to make major decisions in his or her life, or lose something in turn for reaching their dreams. And this doesn't end when one becomes successful.

I then began to think of some of the most successful people. Let me use Beyonce as an example. She is highly respected, talented, wealthy, etc. But think of what her life entails. Hours of rehearsals, traveling all over the world (for work purposes, not exactly vacations), less time spent with her family, etc.

Selena Gomez, who became successful at a very young age- although I'm sure she was happy to land shows and sign on to a record label, etc... there were certain parts of her life that were more challenging than an average person's her age. Being in the public eye, having to look a certain way for the entertainment industry, having to live up to others' expectations and requirements, having to grow up quickly, etc. She had to be mature and capable of handling what essentially is a job (it's her career).

Though these people live rather unique lives- ones which seem glamorous and exciting from the outside...they also come with major sacrifices.

I wondered if I would be able to do what they do. When I was younger, I dreamed of being an actress and singer. But now that I realize what it means to be those things- I don't think being those things would make me happy. I don't even think I would be capable of living such structured, intense, fast-paced and demanding lifestyle.

I would rather live a life for myself and not for others (sometimes average people can get caught up in the wrong meaning of this too- *Instagram and Facebook/ social media in general*), and put my time towards my family rather than towards an image I have to build.

And this is not to say that fame and certain careers are wrong to strive for. Definitely not. But rather, that dreams come with commitment and one should realize that commitment is worth it if it will lead to genuine happiness. If it does, then go for it. And if you don't know if it will, then still go for it. Just make sure you don't lose yourself in the process.

The main reason I decided to write this blog post is because it made me realize that I haven't been hard enough on myself. I have a goal weight and so decided I will cut back on calories. Yet I snack extra throughout the day, I allow myself to skip workouts, I give myself excuses saying my siblings are going out for ice cream so I will too . . .

If I want to reach my goal, then I have to commit to certain things. Not having what everyone else has, not always doing what I want, not slacking on my workout routine . . .

David Beckham would not have gotten to where he is today if he went out with his friends instead of focusing on soccer. Beyonce would not be so successful if she didn't rehearse as much as she did, which I'm sure gets in the way of the rest of her life and plans she may want to make. Selena Gomez would not be where she is today if she decided to go hang out with friends at 12 years old instead of practicing for auditions or preparing for concerts.

Have a goal?
Commitment.
Keep this in mind.

How to Break Bad Habits

How I Get Myself Back On Track (How to Outsmart Yourself)

The last time I wrote a blog post was about a month ago, and so much has happened since then.

Well, maybe not that much.
But I feel like it was forever ago that I had come back from Israel. Perhaps this is because I have gone through so many ups and downs emotionally.

Now, I'm not an emotional person. I mean, I guess all people are emotional- but I what I mean is that I don't like being emotional. I don't like feeling a certain way when I know feeling that way is illogical. I prefer to be levelheaded and to do what is rational. So when I'm trying to focus and busy myself and get my mind back on track with school and fitness and whatever else it is that makes me feel like I'm moving along in my desired direction with goals I pan out for myself (sometimes because they provide me with the illusion that I am doing what is "right" and so, therefore, things will work out the way I want them to or the way I would, therefore, expect them to)- and I am physically unable to get myself to do those things because my mind and thoughts are so clouded . . . I get really frustrated with myself.

Perhaps that was a run-on sentence. Anyhow . . .

This has happened and continues to happen (because this is one of those things you encounter throughout your life) in so many ways in my life. When it comes to eating healthy (don't grab for the unnecessary slice of pizza PLEASE), getting myself motivated to do schoolwork (this was just a phase, as I have now had my first exam in my second semester of nursing school and my anxiety had slapped me back into the swing of things rather quickly once that exam came into view), or even just getting myself to be a better, more productive person (getting up at a time that allows me to hit the gym in the morning so that I can be more energized for the rest of the day, or reading a book instead of scrolling thoughtlessly through Facebook).

There are so many things that I want to stop doing and replace them with things that I know I should start doing . . . yet it's been so hard for me lately. Especially after coming back from Israel on a major high. I came back a week before school started and for some reason had the most difficult time getting myself to do even just some of the things I had felt so inspired to do while I was on the two-week learning program abroad. And I'm referring to simple things- praying for just ten minutes in the morning (literally only ten minutes), watching what and how much I eat (this has sort of been a long-time goal), and putting more effort into how I dress on a regular basis (I'm trying to drop the sweatpants-sweatshirt look and go for a more presentable style. It was Paris that did this to me).

So every time I would overeat or get to lazy to change out of my sweatpants or say I would pray a bit later and then not . . . I would berate myself in my head. I would feel horrible and get so angry with my lack of willpower. Until I stopped.

I decided that I was done rebuking myself. If I was going to make the wrong decisions, then I would feel the consequences and deal with them until I was tired of dealing with them. I would allow myself to drop to the ultimate low in order to get myself to fully understand that changing was the only way I would and could make myself happy. I would allow myself to overeat and then feel sick and then use that dreadful feeling to stop myself from overeating next time. I would just think back to how awful l felt the last time I made that mistake, and use that as my impetus to not overeat again. Or I would not pray and then deal with the sour feeling that came with skipping out on my personal meeting with G-d (as I would like to put it).

As in, I knew what were the right things to do and what would ultimately make me a happier person at the end of the day- but for some reason making the right decisions was the hardest thing to do. And this isn't to say that this doesn't still happen. I write this in the past tense because previously I did not know how to deal with this issue. But now I have started utilizing this tactic and I am noticing results.

I've learned an important psychological fact (or at least this is how my brain seems to work). The more you tell yourself not to do something, the more you will subconsciously want to do it. Next time you are trying to abstain from doing something you KNOW is going to leave with you a negative outcome and that you know is wrong, tell yourself to do it. Grab that extra pizza, don't change your outfit, continue to procrastinate. Because then your brain says, "Wait, what? You're supposed to tell me the right thing to do." It's like an unruly teenager who just wants to say no because they don't want to feel like someone else is in control of them, but in reality, they know their parents are right and they truly do want their parents' guidance. But if their parents all of a sudden tell them to do all the wrong things, the teenager will no longer want to fight against what the parents were originally saying. Because they want that guidance- they just don't want you to know. We all in a sense do this. We don't like being told what to do, and would much rather do things on our own terms and because we made the decision for ourselves.

Try it next time you encounter this struggle. I'm doing it right this minute. I know I should go to the gym tonight, but my brain is making excuses as to why I don't really need to. So, I'm now telling myself, "OK, don't go to the gym." And then my brain goes, "No, but I really do need to, and now I have anxiety about not going to the gym because I'm now thinking about how I won't reach my fitness goals if I don't commit commit to working out everyday. Since you're not telling me, I really need to tell myself".

Outsmart your brain. It (or rather- you) will thank you for it later.

Some More Of Realizing Stuff

          I write this blog post as I sit on a plane from Barcelona to Miami. I am coming from Israel, where I spent a week and a half on a religious learning program. I don’t really know how to organize all of my thoughts and experiences so that they can be presented as coherent ideas, so I’m going to write them all in this single blog post. I honestly don’t think I can do my thoughts and feelings justice through writing, but I will try my best to convey them as best I can.

         Though I have only been gone for a week and a half, I feel like I was in some kind of alternate universe for a much longer period of time. I’ll explain:

         This program I had the privilege to be a part of was based in Jerusalem, Israel. We were a group of 8 girls from all over the United States- Georgia, New York, Miami, New Jersey, D.C., etc. I was looking forward to this program for two reasons:

• To come back to Israel.
• To grow as a person, which is the overall aim of this program- to take driven young adults and give them the tools to use their full potential.

         I had done the pre-req to this program a year and a half ago (the last time I was in Israel). A lot has changed (as you know if you have read my previous posts) since the last time I was on such a program. My mindset, knowledge, environment, and friend group have evolved tremendously.

         But there was one aspect that I had not known would have such an effect on me. The people that I have met on this program have been an experience in and of itself. In a week and a half I have met and become close with people who I would like to call my long-term friends. What was so special about these people? Their commitment to growing and evolving as people, their drive to stand out even when their goals and ambitions are not supported by the people who should be supporting them the most- Not to mention their genuine outlook towards life and just simply being genuine people.

         I tend to be really hard on myself and often feel like I’m not doing enough in life and that I don’t really have anything to be truly proud of. But during one of our morning classes, as I sat at a table with these wonderful people, I realized that I must be somewhat of their caliber if I am on this program with them.  I don’t write this to brag or just to say that I’m cool or smart or etc. I’m writing this because this realization deeply affected me and I think there is a deeper implication that others can learn from as well. Well actually there are several things:

•  Surround yourself with people who hold character traits you would like to possess. We tend to grow off of the people we spend the most amount of time with.
• Look around yourself. Who are your friends? What are they like? The people whom you surround yourself with and choose as your friends say a lot about you and tell others a lot about you.
• Put things into perspective. As in, don't be so hard on yourself if have your head in the right direction and are setting goals for yourself. Just because you’re not doing something in relation to your goals every minute or even day of your life, that does not mean that you aren’t worthy of feeling proud of yourself and comfortable with where you are at this point in your life.
• Sometimes it takes a completely new environment and set of people to make you realize where and who you are, and what you stand for. For example, being removed from my regular group of friends and people who I usually hang out with, and into an environment of completely new people whose goals and values resonate with mine… reminded me of what I truly value and how I really would like to be. Like I mentioned in my previous blog post, this semester was my first at a new school and basically, everything from the environment to the people is really different from that of my old school. This is really a very nonspecific example because I don’t want to go into too many details, but the point is it isn’t exactly the environment that is conducive to the values I have always stood by.

         There is another major thought/realization I had about people on this trip. Basically, Israeli people intimidate me. They’re really tough and could be really rude. So to mask my intimidation and (I’ll admit it- fear) I put on a serious, straight face and treated them with the same rude and impatient demeanor. But I hated doing this. I know they don’t feel a hatred towards me and that they would be of help if I needed it (people in Israel won’t hold the bus for you and will shove you without an apology if you’re in their way, but if you get lost and ask someone for directions or if you get hurt and are in need of assistance- they’ll stop everything for you). People really do take care of each other- but just throw in some tough love as well.  

         And ESPECIALLY, it is important to treat every person kindly. This may seem obvious and sound childish, but I understand this now more than ever before. Just yesterday, there was a terrorist attack in Jerusalem. 4 people were murdered. People my age. They were standing at a popular tourist attraction when a truck driver ran them over as they were standing by their bus. I was just in Fort Lauderdale, where there was a shooting. I had three friends going through that airport that day. My best friend’s cousin, several of my family members and I were leaving the next day as well. My friend’s cousin was there when it occurred, my friend’s flight was delayed an hour thank G-d because otherwise she would have been at the airport when the shooting occurred. I was supposed to be at the airport that day, but my sister and I had decided to leave the next day. Point is- anything can happen to anybody at any time. We don’t know. Those 20 year olds murdered yesterday in Israel were people I know. Yes, I have friends that age who live in Israel. I KNOW those people. They're every other person I know. Just people like me, thinking about what 20 year olds think about. One of the people hit by the truck (who survived, thank G-d) I actually had met last summer. He was my tour guide for a day. Nobody would think that a year and a half later, he would almost lose his life. Everyone is in the same boat- trying to get by and live life. Let’s treat each other kindly.

         Furthermore, this time around in Israel I really made sure to make it my own. If you keep up with my blog, then you know that I started it to share how I had overcome anxiety (specifically social anxiety). However, anxiety is something everyone has in one form or another. And it’s totally normal (A Response To A Friend Regarding Overcoming Anxiety). I actually wrote about how my anxiety had gotten in my way last time I visited Israel (Negative Experience? Maybe You Needed It). Well, it was getting in my way again. All of my friends were going out on their own to see their friends or just to do whatever they wanted. Meanwhile, I was too afraid to step out the apartment on my own. I had been in Israel for two months last summer and travelled alone to my internship everyday. I knew the area around where I was staying. I could get to the supermarket and center of town. I could even get to Tel Aviv if I wanted to. Why was I so afraid? I love this country so much, yet I’m afraid of it? I couldn’t stand it. I so badly wanted to let it go and escape my fear, but I always made some excuse in my head.

         One of my best friends was coming to the Western Wall and so I told her I would meet her there. I made sure I had enough money for the bus and light rail, and left without giving myself time to make excuses. I hopped onto the bus, bought myself some more rides (conversation with the bus driver was a bit of a fix, but it worked out), jumped onto the light rail right before it left and walked the 15 minutes from my stop through the Old City of Jerusalem and to the wall. Let me tell you, it was the most liberating feeling EVER.

         I felt like I had freed myself from my captive (which is myself, really). I felt like I was in my favorite movie. It felt like everything was 3D, or animated . . . surreal almost. And I was so damn happy. I loved not being part of a group. I loved the independence. Up until then I was sitting on buses looking out the window, wondering about what these people were like and what it was like to be one of them. And here I was being one of them (almost). When I spoke to or made eye contact with someone else, it was my interaction. It was I and not my group or my friends. I only came to love the country and the people even more.

         Point is- get out of your comfort zone. Don’t tell yourself it will be easy or that it will go well. Just do it. The universe was telling me this. One of the people I met on my trip and who I have become friends with, had travelled all over Europe by herself. She is my age. It is so inspiring to me. Then in Florida, while I was making the decision whether or not to go parasailing, I met another woman who had travelled the entire world by herself. She said you can live a life of safety and have it be boring, or go out there and live a life of excitement and make the most out of it. I then went parasailing 😊.

         Once you free yourself of your own chains, life becomes so much more beautiful and REAL. I only want to go back to Israel and be even more independent and I can’t wait for the opportunity to do it!

         What else have I learned??

         So much.

•  Learn, learn, learn. There is so much to learn. About the world, about people, different ways of life, etc. So much.
• The American life is truly a life of luxury and you don’t realize it until you leave the country.
• There are people who know how to think and those who don’t. Simply put. Open up your mind. Do things that other people aren’t. Question whether there might be something more or different. Then find those things.
• People are an experience. Get to know others. They will surprise you. People are not always open books. Almost never, actually.
• Delve into the negative and repeat that which you want to stop doing- until you become so tired and hateful of it that you don’t even have to try to overcome it because you just will. Example: I was afraid of being alone and so I let myself have this fear and let the frustration grow on me, until it came to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and did that which I was afraid to do in order to keep my sanity. I know- weird example. But not forcing myself or making myself feel bad for not being independent, actually led to me forcing myself out of it without trying because I was just so tired of being scared. Same with social media- I was getting obsessed with it. So much so that wherever I went all I thought about was what picture I was going to post onto Instagram. I knew I was being immature, but all I wanted was another picture to post on to my account. So I let myself be obsessed… and I naturally came to the point where I had enough and got tired of it on my own. I don't know if this would work in every case, but it sure does for many.

         And lastly (though most definitely not least)- being grateful.

Being grateful for the experience, the opportunity, the people, the place, the good and the bad. I thank G-d and my parents for this experience. I have grown tremendously and couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my winter break.

         To learning and opening up our minds.