A Response to a Friend Regarding Overcoming Anxiety

A friend of mine messaged me the other day to ask for my advice. This blog post is based off of my response to her. 

"I have been struggling with anxiety for a long time. I feel like I work a lot and it's like, where's my credit?" she wrote to me. 


For those of you who are not familiar with this blog, I write a lot about how I overcame anxiety. Topics I cover include how to de-stress, socializing checklist, getting yourself motivated and dealing with stress, dealing with stress in school, quick fixes to anxiety, dealing with negative emotions, and enjoying it all.  
I also have a step-by-step anxiety workshop. 
If you want to read about my background with overcoming anxiety, you can find it here. 

I felt very passionate about responding to her, because I know exactly how she feels. 

Side note- I interchangeably use anxiety and stress because I feel that both words can be used in this context, which is ultimately describing an idea that bot stress and anxiety are found. 

First, I explained to her the difference between healthy and unhealthy anxiety. Anxiety is a form of stress, which has positive and negative effects on us. Healthy anxiety is the anxiety we experience when studying for an exam, stopping ourselves from doing something dangerous, and feel overwhelmed about balancing our hectic lives. It helps us to focus, stay motivated, and thoroughly think through major decisions that we have to make. Unhealthy anxiety is when our healthy anxiety gets out of bounds. It may take the form of procrastination, an abnormal amount of fear experienced on a regular basis (it becomes the norm to feel fear, even when there is nothing specific inducing it- like an exam or presentation), or the feeling of being "paralyzed" (in the sense of not being able to make a decision, or feeling like you can't dig yourself out of a pit). 

So before you start diagnosing yourself, make sure you have something to be worried about. Don't try to fight off the healthy anxiety- this is your body telling you that it's supporting you through stressful times and it's helping you muster up the strength to succeed. 

This also leads me to my second point. A lot of times when someone is trying to explain to me how his/her anxiety makes him/her feel, s/he will tell me that s/he often feels depressed. 
Let us make a distinction between being depressed and being sad/unhappy. 

Depression is when someone feels consistently sad, even when there is no trigger for feeling sad. On the other hand, sadness is felt in response to a trigger- not doing well on an exam, losing somebody you love, or simply having a bad day. Feeling sad may go hand-in-hand with anxiety for some people. In my friends case, she starts to feel a deep unhappiness when she experiences a great amount of anxiety. However, this does not make her depressed. She is a happy, social person who (understandably) feels sad when she feels anxious. 

So . . .

Point 1: Treat stress like your friend. Understand that it is helping you, not trying to overcome you. Side note- Studies actually show that people who think of stress as negative, ar more likely to die earlier. Those who think of stress as positive and understand that it is their body helping them succeed, live longer, healthier, and happier lives. 

Point 2: Nothing is worth your health. NOTHING. 
Believe it or not, stress directly affects our health. Like I wrote above, stress has the ability to shorten lives. It was actually while writing this blog post the other day (I am finishing it now) while sitting in my public health course, that my professor told the class about how several years ago he had been diagnosed with cancer and with only 6 months left to live. By changing his lifestyle, he was able to defy the expected. He wrote the word "stress" in big letter on the board. "Don't let it get out of hand." A girl then raised her hand and said that through changing her lifestyle she was able to get rid of hyperthyroidism that she was diagnosed with several years earlier. These are only two instances and there were definitely other factors that played into their outcomes, but science shows that stress can have extremely negative effects, and that learning to control it can change your future for the better. 

Point 3: It takes time.
Now I am really responding to her initial message. She was upset that the techniques I told her to use a few weeks ago, were not helping. My advice to her was to give it time. I didn't wake up one morning and notice that I didn't feel the usual anxiety I felt for no real reason. There were so many experiences I had to live through in order to overcome it.  Looking back, it did sometimes feel like it was taking forever to start leading a happier life, but I now know that if not for all that time it took, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now. There were techniques and lessons that I could only learn in the time to come. If my change was drastic, I probably would've bounced back to my anxiety-stricken life because I didn't really have the skills and experience to cope with situations that brought me anxiety, and to thoroughly get rid of the chronic anxiety that had been interfering wth my life. So if anything, be happy that you have the time to deal with it. I know this sounds stupid, but seriously (and really, I mean seriously) overcoming it and watching yourself grow is one of the best parts of it all. And then when you have experiences in the future that remind you of just how much you were able to work on yourself, you will feel a unique happiness that many other people wouldn't understand. Now that I am in this stage of my life, I realize that I feel happy about small things and appreciate friends and life more, because I know what its like to not be able to make friends or enjoy life fully because of the constant anxiety that was penetrating my life. 

Thanks for reading. I hope this helps. 

It Will Pass.

Who is wise?
  The one who learns from every person…

- Talmud, Ethics of the Fathers (4:1)

You really can learn something from everybody. Check out my blog post, Solution to Jealousy, for more info about that. 

This story may seem at first like it's not going anywhere, but I promise it gets better:)

Last semester I was taking a chemistry lab, which I dreaded. As I got off the bus and walked towards the building in which I would be spending the next 3 hours of my Friday afternoon, I took deep breaths while reminding myself that as soon as I would finish my lab work, I would be free for the weekend. I walked into the building, through the heavy door that led to the basement, down the stairs and into the basement. My 40 or so lab mates unhappily stood against the wall, waiting for the grumpy chemical storage director to let us into the lab. 

The building, the basement, the lab, the director (who would yell at a single student if he or she failed to maintain eye contact with him while he was speaking to the entire group of 20 or so students. Was that necessary? No.), and the unhappy-looking students were all contributions to the unsettling atmosphere that made chemistry lab more nerve-wrecking than it had to be. 

However, despite the deep-rooted darkness that the room itself emitted due to the 20 or so years of being managed by the grumpy chemical storage directory (who reminded me of Grendel, who lived far-off in his cave and was a hated figure far and wide, known to many generations of strong men who despised him. Similarly, this man was known for his hatred for freshmen, who were innocently trying to pass their first year of college), the door that slammed every time it closed and let off an angry-sounding echo, and the influx of nervous college students who were just trying to survive . . . 

There was a faint light. 

My TA. 

One of the most upbeat people I have ever met. He was always smiling. He was one of those people who had a kind face (I know this sounds like a strange way of describing somebody. This is a direct translation of a Russian- which is my first language- figure of speech. In Russian you would say somebody has a "dobraya leytso," which means "a kind face", when describing somebody who looks like a good person). He was so nice and easygoing. He would make jokes and answer questions without making you feel stupid. 

I was always inspired by his positivity. His positivity had such an impact on me, that I would think of him when trying to deal with a stressful situation. I would ask myself, "How would Nick respond to this situation?"

To get to the point of this post . . .

It was on the last day of lab, notably one of the happiest days of my life, that I had the opportunity to ask him. Wether it be that we wanted to have a discussion about life or something else that boggled our minds, he was happy to help in any way that he could. He even offered us to visit him at the library while he studied. And I will add that he was only 2 years older- he was taking graduate courses during his junior year of college. He was like the person you wish could be your best friend, but that you knew would never be your best friend. Such a great guy. 

I asked him how he is always so positive? I recalled how he one day told us with a smile on his face about the time his car stopped running and he had to wait for his dad for an hour to come get him. I would have been freaking out, upset over the fact that I was losing time and had to wait for someone to come get me. I would have been mad at the freaking car for not working!!! (Yes, I'm crazy. I am aware). 

This was his golden answer: Just know that everything will pass. Whatever difficulty you are dealing with right now- it will pass. It's just a phase. It won't be like this forever. 

This may sound like a lame answer . . . So many thoughts come to mind in response. 

Certain things have greater effects on future outcomes. 

What if it's not just a phase?

What if that theory applies to your life, but won't/ doesn't apply to mine?

Life must have been really chill for you; you must be lucky. 

Etc. 

But no. 

He is so right. 

Even if things may not end the way we want them to, and even if those things have major effects in the future . . .

Life goes on.

Pain fades. It's still there, no doubt about that. But it fades. 

The next phase of life will come and your focus will be something else. You may be stressed or afraid of something now, but in some time- it will be over. Life will move on, and eventually you will too. 

I look back on so many times in my life when I obsessed over something because I was afraid. For example, my AP Biology class junior year of high school. I was horrified when I couldn't get AP credit for an entire year of biology. It was rough, but now I'm a sophomore in college and am done with biology. Would the AP credit have saved time, money and energy? Yes, of course, but life went on and I am here now and life is still moving on. Life has its ups and downs- that definitely wasn't the last time I would feel disappointed- but it goes on. 

And really all we as humans can decide to do is swim above the currents. Because this is life. And if we are living these lives, then let's make the most of it. 

If you enjoyed this blog post, I recommend you read On the Idea of Happiness. 

The Secret to Balancing Your Crazy Life

Stop driving yourself crazy by constantly thinking about all the things you have to do.

There.

You've probably heard this before, but as a recovering control freak, I can assure you- this is it.

Please read on- I can prove this to you!

If you are wondering what I mean- I mean exactly what I said (or wrote, in this case).
Stop driving yourself crazy by constantly thinking about all the things you have to do. 

Right now you are in class, at work, driving, etc . . .

Chill.

I learned this a couple of weeks ago when I was so stressed that the only option I had was to tell myself that I would get to those things when I would get to those things. Instead of stressing the whole weekend while at home, about school-related matters, I simply let all of those stress-inducing thoughts go.

Let me explain to you further. After understanding my situation, I don't think that you will feel the need to question whether this method is valid.

School gives me the most anxiety/stress out of all the facets that comprise my life. So much so, that I would spend vast amounts of time planning my week. I would schedule every minute of every day, numbering what I planned to get done first, second . . . (Realize just how absurd this was- I would both write down the times I would be working on each task, and then number them. Why number each task if they are already organized by time of day?)

I would waste so much time doing this, that I could've gotten a single task done in that amount of time.

I finally came to the realization that this was anxiety infiltrating my life.
Planning your day is one thing. Giving each task a set start and end time (knowing that you most probably won't end up doing those things according to those times), on top of numbering each task and getting OCD about even naming each task- that's not normal.

A lot of times when one overcomes anxiety (this is referring to people who have some serious form of anxiety and not just normal anxiety about stress-inducing factors), that anxiety can infiltrate your life in another form. As a kid, I had to overcome a lot of anxiety (I write a lot more about this in my other blog posts, so I won't go into detail here). Now as an adult, I don't have that anxiety that I had before. I don't feel nervous on a regular basis.

However, I realized that that anxiety was developing itself in another form- obsessively planning. In the back of my mind, I knew that this approach to life was unhealthy and crazy, but I was afraid to stop because I felt that it gave me control. I believed that if I stopped meticulously planning everything I planned to do, that I would lose control of the path that I was building for myself. This makes sense- people with anxiety are afraid and want to feel some sort of control over what will happen to them. This was my way of "taking control," when in reality it was controlling me.

Going back to my realization, it was when I was on my way home from college when I didn't have my planner open in front of me. My nagging thoughts were giving me a headache, but at that moment there was nothing I could do about the upcoming assignment or the event I had been working on (which by the way was a while away, and I was still stressing about it).

And so I stopped thinking about all of it. I just let it go. I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing- had already started the assignment, answered emails pertaining to the event and already set the logistics of the event in place. And anything else that needed to get done, would get done when I would get around to it.

I have been using this tactic ever since. I started feeling the same anxiety before writing this post. Stat homework and assignment due Wednesday. I'm fine. I have so much time. I simply stopped thinking about it.

And the best thing about it is that when I let it go, the stress dissipates. It melts. Because you consciously make the decision that you are not doing whatever you are stressing about at the moment and that you will do it later. It might not get done at this exact second, but it will get done.

I don't think that I did this tactic justice with this blog post. Try it out for yourself. Just simply stop trying so hard to balance everything. You will get to it. Just stop nagging yourself.

Perspective

How do you know if the way that you see things is the way that they really are?

What if u see something- a situation, let's say- in a certain way, but in reality, it's not really like that?

I didn't really know how to write this blog post when I first thought about it a couple of months ago and saved the idea on my phone. I think now is the right time to write about it. My situation is a bit extreme, but maybe some of you will be able to relate. And if you can't, maybe you will find this helpful in some other way. 

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Growing up, I was a very shy kid and had a lot of anxiety. (I have written a lot more about this in my other blog posts, so if you want to read up more about that and advice on overcoming shyness/anxiety, this blog offers tons):
2 Quick Fixes to Anxiety
How I Overcame Social Anxiety 

Besides experiencing the regular side effects of shyness/anxiety- fear of socializing, not understanding how to confront others, constantly feeling unsure of oneself- I was extremely paranoid. 

I constantly felt that people were out to get me. If I was in a crowded place, I felt like people were talking about me and judging me negatively. I felt like random people simply had something against me as if I had done something wrong. Most of the time I didn't question these thoughts. They were simply true to me- I just accepted them. As I got older and started questioning them, I would really try to understand the situation that was causing me to feel paranoid. 

Let me give you a few examples of the types of situations that I spent time trying to understand/ the situations that forced me to reevaluate my perspective on different scenarios:

• 4th grade started at a new school, didn't socialize with anybody because I felt they all automatically didn't like me. This made no sense though because they were all friendly. However, I still felt that it couldn't possibly be that they liked me. 

• Middle School, constantly felt paranoid about how people viewed me, always thought that they thought that I was weak, quiet, not very bright (because I was quiet and socially awkward (at least I thought that everyone else thought that)), got into an argument with 2 friends because I thought they had something against specifically me, took to heart every comment everybody made and came home from school upset every single day (literally) because of all the "mean things people said/did". 

• The first 2 years of high school, constantly felt that even my close friends didn't really like me, believed that others thought I was weak, quiet, not very bright. 

Tips for keeping a healthy perspective:

• Write in a journal about how you feel about a situation. This helps to get you thinking about details from a logical perspective. 

• Talk to somebody you trust about your situation and your perspective. I have to do this a lot because I miss little details and know that I often view things in a skewed manner. This way, I can get someone else's view and understanding of the situation. 

• Give yourself time. A few days at least. This way, you give yourself time to authentically evaluate the situation and a proper way to respond. I recommend reading my other blog post, 

• Stop thinking like a victim. Realize that no one is out to get you. It's all in your head. 

• Know that you are not the only one who does this. You're not always right. 

• Get busy. Stop thinking so much about other people and their opinions. You are your own person who has things to get done. You don't have time to waste thinking about nonsense. 

• Speak regularly with someone you trust. Don't complain, rather just explain how you feel and get another person's perspective. Make sure you choose someone who is right for this position. 

• Make a list of statements to repeat to yourself every morning to start your day off on a positive note and to remind yourself to not get caught up in your thoughts. 

All of these scenarios were absolutely screwed up in my mind. 

Today, it is hard for me to believe I was that person. I was stuck in my own head. I couldn't form relationships with others. I couldn't make friends. My feelings were constantly being hurt. I was always confused about why people didn't like me.

IT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD.

I thought about all the situations I struggled with, and came to realize none of them were true.

As I started overcoming my shyness/anxiety, everything became clearer to me. 

The people I thought were against me, I realized, simply never had an opinion towards me. 

I was reading all of the signs upside down, out of order, in different colors, and in different directions. 

I was so paranoid, I made up stories in my head. 

I was so bad- as a kid, I would often have temper tantrums, claiming to my parents that my sister (who I am very close with now) was instigating fights with me on purpose. When my parents didn't side with me, I believed that they simply didn't care. I was constantly angry and unhappy. 

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Today, I am so free of this mindset. Even writing this required a jogging of my memory and a feeling of shock at how crazy I was. 

The point of this blog- even though this is a very extreme case- is to always check your perspective. 

I had wasted so much time trying to understand people's actions and worrying about other people's views on me. 

And in the end, I learned that it was me. I was making these assumptions. 

How do you know if the way that you see things is the way that they really are?

What if u see something- a situation, let's say- in a certain way, but in reality it's not really like that?

Tips for dealing with paranoia:

Good luck!

Negative Experience? Maybe you needed it . . .

Sometimes we have negative experiences and feel upset about them. 
Have you ever realized after such an experience, that maybe you needed it?
Say what?
I know that this sounds strange, but it's not really all that crazy. 

As I have mentioned previously on this blog, I have dealt with a lot of anxiety in the past. It was something I really needed to work on, and I was able to get rid of the constant fear enough that I could function on a daily basis. But as people who suffer from major anxiety know, anxiety can pop up at other points in our lives and affect us in different ways in the future. 

I knew that this was happening to me. I was in another country for 2 months, traveling, working, and taking self-development seminars. Although I was really enjoying myself, I often felt anxious about being completely independent. For example, after 6 weeks of being in the country, I knew my way around the city pretty well- so well, that I could give another person directions to the city's most popular sites. However, I was nervous to go to those places alone. 

I know this sounds really strange. I knew my way around the city, but was nervous to go anywhere on my own:/ 
This was extremely aggravating for me, especially because I know that I am an independent person. I have had many instances in my life when I have had to do new things on my own. I made sure in the past, that I would do these things head-on, not allowing myself to back-down. And here I was, constantly nervous and reliant on other people. I hated it, but didn't know how to let it go this time. 

Well, I got a nice wake-up call. Sure I was upset at first- at my friend (who, by the way, is a nice person and actually a good friend of mine still) and at the situation. But more importantly, I was upset at myself for letting my anxiety get so much into the way. 

In short, basically what happened was that I didn't want to stay out, but my friends did. I couldn't lie to myself- I had thought about what went down. Was I being rude also? Did I act selfish?

My friend ended up telling me (in a nasty tone of voice)- "Look, if you want to go, you can go." 
I ended up leaving a few minutes later with a couple of other friends without telling that friend and the other girls I was with (WRONG). 

I called up my sister and she told me I was right in not going home alone at 12am. But that wasn't what bothered me. 

That night after I spoke to my sister and went to bed, I retraced everything that had happened. I remembered that I had been really rude, telling my friends that if they were going to take a taxi, I wouldn't stay because I didn't want to pay for one. Where did that even come from? Why was I so unbelievably rude? That wasn't even like me! 

Even if my friend had been rude by saying what she said- I still did something wrong and knew I had to apologize for that. 

Even more important, I realized that I needed her to say what she said. I needed somebody to tell me that it wasn't OK to be reliant on others, and that the anxiety needed to stop getting in my way. I needed to see how the anxiety directly affected my relationships. 

So I ended up apologizing and my friends appreciated it. All turned out really well and it's all great now! Yes, it really does have a happy ending! My friends even wrote me a very sweet letter at the end of the program. It just goes to show that if you do the right thing, at the end of the day all will work out. And even if all doesn't work out, at least you know for yourself that you did the right thing. 

So next time you have such a situation: retrace steps, see from the other person's point of view, let go of your ego, and do what you will be proud of in the future. Most importantly, don't be afraid to apologize. Don't be afraid to let go of your ego. Only of you need to, of course. Don't be that person that always apologizes. Just know when you're wrong and be able to admit it. 

I know that if I had not apologized, not only would I have lost some good friends, but I also would've felt uncomfortable because I knew that I did something wrong. 

The end. 

Solution to Jealousy

Another short blog post.

Sometimes we look at other people and notice that they have something(s) that we may not have.
Sometimes, even, we may fall into feeling jealous of those people.
This is something that I do when I start comparing myself to other people. It's really simple.

I take a piece of paper, write her name, and something that I can learn from her.
This way, when I think of this person, I focus on the good she has to offer and what I can learn from her.

I know that this sounds strange- focusing on someone's good attributes to stop yourself from feeling jealousy.

However, jealousy of somebody often leads us to dislike that person. By focusing on something that you can learn from that person, you instead focus on the good and come to think of that person more positively.

It really works. Give it a try.
You will come to notice that you see the person for the good that they have to offer, and not for the good that they possess.

And even if this doesn't work for you right away, constantly remind yourself of what you can learn from this person. Eventually, you will come to view this person more positively.

This helps you in 2 ways:

1. You don't focus on the fact that you don't have something, but rather you focus on how you can grow.

2. You save yourself from having to suffer the consequences of jealousy and anger towards somebody (which can be worse than you think).

Good luck!

Lessons From My Internship

This is a short article I submitted to my internship, so that they can share it on their Facebook or wherever else they want to. Melabev is a daycare center for elderly who have Alzheimer's and Dementia.

This Week's Focus: Mindfulness

Heads up- this is a short post! 

I am back and writing from another country!

I have had an amazing opportunity to travel with 48 other college students, and multiple mentors, to the holiest place on earth, Jerusalem, where I am taking seminars on personal growth and development. Seminars range from building lasting relationships to character development. 

Two topics that we discussed last week are judging others favorably/ giving others the benefit of the doubt, and going out of one's way to help another person. 

These two seminars really spoke to me. 

A lot of times, I tend to make conclusions about different situations very quickly- especially situations that make me unhappy. I am so quick to jump to conclusions, that I will even conclude that I know someone's intentions when I feel that they have done me wrong. If somebody does or says something I am not fond of, I almost automatically judge that person negatively. 

For the rest of the week, after sitting through this seminar, I started looking at situations and people from a different perspective. The woman leading this seminar said something very wise, something I have never thought before: maybe the person who did something wrong lost an internal battle. Maybe this person did blank, but s/he tried to fight the urge to do or say it. It is very hard to have this mindset. Giving others the benefit of the doubt? No way! But we all have situations in which we know we shouldn't do or say something, and we do it anyway. This is not to say that this internal battle is an excuse! It is just that we all have this internal battle, and while it is our job to make sure we win these battles, we all have situations in which we don't. 

Try this: Step back from the situation for a moment. Where is this person coming from? Is there a problem this person has that you may or may not be aware of? Is it possible that this person's behavior may be coming from a place of pain, fear, self-defense, or desperation? 

As for the second topic, going out of one's way to help another person, I really have not been in this mindset lately. There was a time when I was more mindful of others, but somewhere along the way I got selfish, honestly. I was more sensitive to others feelings, speaking and doing only after thinking about how my words and actions might affect those around me. I think I got lazy and careless, not putting as much effort as I probably should be. All of these seminars that I have been taking have reminded me to not let go of the drive to be better, to grow towards being the best person I can be (in this sense), and to not give up on this challenge. Changing one's character is one of the hardest things for a person to do. It takes a lot of willpower, in certain situations.

"I should probably not make this comment because it may hurt someone's feelings."
"I probably should try to not roll my eyes every time I think about how tired I am because the guide is talking and trying to explain the significance of this ancient tree." (I've noticed that I do roll my eyes a lot. It's really rude to do this, especially while someone is speaking. Body language speaks just as loudly as words do).

With this goal, as for me, I think the best way to work on this is to just think more about how you act on a regular bases. What vibe do you give off? Do you give off positive energy?
My best tip is this: THINK before you do. 
Really, really think.
Many times I talk myself out of acting proper and doing the right thing.
So really think about your actions and what you're going to say/do.
When you make the right decision, acknowledge the fact that you did, and feel proud!

On the Idea of Happiness

Note: This post actually took me a long time to finish because it took a lot of thought. Hopefully it makes sense to you :)

What is your goal in life?
What is it that you are working towards?

Maybe you aren't in the position to say that you are currently working towards a specific goal.
Maybe right now you are looking for what exactly you want to be working for.

Many people, however, would respond to this question by simply saying "happiness".
"I want to be happy."

My response to that would be, "Wait, you're not happy right now? What do you mean by happiness? Do you not have everything you want? Do you feel that there is something important missing in your life?"

All too often people focus on the idea of happiness, failing to notice everything that comes in-between.

This, though, is the wrong way to look at life.
Why?

First off, life is a journey and its about the journey. I have so much more to say about this and if you want to read more about it, you can read an older blog post of mine, Enjoying the Journey (it will open in a new window.)
This is a broad topic, but all I will say is that two of some of the greatest joys in life are building yourself and working for something you love. These also fall under the category of some of the scariest things we people have to face because they go hand in hand with the painstaking feeling of uncertainty.
I once heard a man by the name of Aaron David Miller say, "Nobody offers truth on a silver platter. It's a search and its hard." There aren't always clear signs telling us what we should do or who/how we should be. We have to figure that stuff out.
And that's what life is all about, ain't it?

But think about how great it is. There are so many options in this world. There are so many things that we can do, so many things that we can experience- and those of us who are blessed to have the freedom to do what we want to do, should take advantage of all that life has to offer.

This is not to say that the end results don't matter!
After all, those what we are working for.
What I'm saying is that it is during the journey that you will experience some of the best times of your life, and it is when you will feel most inspired. At least for me. I attain a goal, revel in my success, and then am ready to work towards my next goal.

How does this connect to happiness?
Happiness is not an end result, it is a way of life- just as life is about the journey.

This leads me to my second point- too often people define happiness as things. We need something to feel happy for or happy about.

I used to do this all the time! I had an unhealthy mentality.
I was always searching for something to feel happy off of.
The best example I could give you is school.
I would always set my happiness on my grades. If I didn't get the grade that made me feel good about myself, I was unhappy.

It really wasn't until this year- my first year of college- that I realized something very simple:

I have done well on many exams during my lifetime. I feel good about the fact that I do well, but sooner or later, there is another exam. And every time, I act and feel as if the grade I get determines my self-worth, and wether or not I will have a happy life. 

Rubbish. 

I might feel great about the fact that I did well on my bio exam, but life doesn't stop there. Then I have a chemistry exam that I need to do well on. I might not do well on it. Then I won't be happy. But then I will have another chemistry exam and do well. Then I will be happy. 

I really thought about it. I may have done well in Chemistry I last semester, but might not do as well in Chemistry II this semester. But then I might do well in Physics next semester. Then I will be happy. (?)

The point is that good times come and go. Things change. So DON'T SET HAPPINESS ON SHORT-TERM VARIABLES. 

I was just bouncing back and forth between satisfaction and disappointment. 

I had to work on changing my mentality from that way of thinking, to understanding that life should be thought of as the entirety of your past successes and your future goals- rather than thinking of it as the little aspect of your life (ex: upcoming exam) that you are focusing on at the current moment. 

This leads me to my third and final point- happiness is about how you go about life.

When people say that they want to be happy, they have the opportunity to be happy right at that very moment. 

What are they waiting for?

Money? Love? A new car?

They will get whatever it is that they want, but sooner or later, there needs to be more to it than just that thing. That so-called happiness will fade. 

They will get something new?

Is that really happiness?

Here are some things you can do to feel true (notice I am not using the ward "attain") happiness:

• Make a list of what you should be happy for every day. This will serve as a good reminder when you're feeling unhappy about something.
• Make a list of all your past accomplishments- this reminds you that even when life gets hard, its not always going to be hard. In the same way- life may be good, but it won't always be good. Life comes with hardships and challenges. And thats not completely bad. How can we feel happy if we never feel sad. We need to appreciate the happiness- and the only reason we do is because we know how it feel to not feel happy. 
• Understand that life isn't always about feeling happy- it's ok to be unhappy sometimes. The most important thing is that you are finding your way to be the best person you can be. 
• Keep it on your mind that your goal is to be the best that you can be- even though life is rough at times, you're not letting it get to you. You are continuing along your path, and knowing that will be a great source of pride and encouragement for you. 
• Realize that sometimes the smallest things in life can make a huge difference- doing something nice for somebody else, or walking to class instead of taking the bus on a beautiful day. 

(Why You Should Want to) Be Busy and Stay Busy

Wow, I haven't written a blog post in a little bit over a month.
And being that writing for this blog is one of my most important weekly goals, that really tells you guys about just how busy I have been.

From getting onto student government, to attending a policy conference as a student delegate in Washington D.C., to writing for the community newspaper, to keeping up with my other extracurricular activities, to applying for and having interviews for internships, to organizing a major event at my college campus, to keeping up with my workout routine, and to staying up late hours getting school work done- it is an extremely hectic time for me.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm not going to give off the idea that I'm always motivated and excited to be busy.
I had grappled with this aspect of my life for some time.

Some nights (more like mornings), I quietly walk into my room and get ready for bed. My roommate is sleeping. She has been sleeping for the past hour or so. The whole floor is sleeping. I am the only one up. It's a sour feeling being the last one to go to bed. What makes the feeling all the more sour is being the last one to go to bed every night.

Other nights, as I sit and study, I could hear my friends in the other room laughing about something stupid that I would totally laugh about if I were with them, and playing music that tempts me to jump out of my chair and sing along with them.

Sometimes I think to myself: Oh, why do I have to want everything so very strongly?
I want to be active in my community and on campus. I also want to get back the almost-six pack stomach I had before starting college (this requires not eating late at night) and fit all of my scheduled goals into one day (this requires staying up late at night). I also want to get straight A's and work on Youtube videos and finish the weight loss workshop I started in the summer and work on my music (it's crazy how ideas just come to me. I had a dream the other night about a beautiful song. I woke up in the middle of it, remembered the tune, and made sure to record it on my phone. I now have 4 recordings on my cellphone, of songs that I need to finish writing.) and . . . I'm at a loss.

I know that these expectations are unrealistic, but I can't let these desires go. I want each and every one of them equally. Each is just as important as the next. I do so much, yet when I am missing one of these aspects- either I haven't made a Youtube video in 2 weeks, or I haven't picked up my guitar in a month, or I haven't gone to the gym all week- I feel that I am missing something.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but sometimes I think to myself that maybe I would be better off as not being so goal-oriented and motivated to do so many things. I say motivated because, honestly, motivation is my strongest asset.

One prime aspect of my life that motivation pulls me through, is school. I have always had to work hard for my grades. Having an auditory processing problem has definitely been a contributing factor to the fact that everything takes me so much damn time. Everybody I know tells me that I spend too much time studying. People ask me how I sit for so long and tell me that if I am still studying for the same exam that I  was studying for 5 hours ago, then I will break the class average. I don't usually tell people that my brain takes more time to process information. What an average student can get done in an hour, it will take me two. My brain processes things slower, I need to read over instructions multiple times (I have always been that kid in class to ask question after question. My lab TA must think I'm crazy), and I need to write down notes during lectures if there are no slides because otherwise the information goes into one ear and out the other (literally). Technically, I'm not even supposed to take notes and listen to a lecture at the same time. With my "disability", I am supposed to have notes given to me.

However, despite this setback, my motivation had gotten me to the top of my graduating 8th grade class, and I had received the most prestigious award. This motivation allowed me to graduate from high school with honors. It had allowed me to overcome my anxiety, which ultimately allowed me to switch from a small private school to a big public school junior year. I didn't die. And, it is the driving force behind everything that I am currently doing. My motivation has been ignoring this disability for the past 5 years, during which my workload has increased tremendously. All I can think to myself is that I don't have the time for this "disability". There is too much that I want and need to do.

But this is where I get down to it. 
On the left side of my blog, there is a note that says:

 . . . I'm combing my love for learning and my passion for the beauty that is existence... In an attempt to live the most remarkable and exciting life that I can bestow upon myself . . . As far as an end ... I used to think that there was only one... but then I learned that our lives are comprised of many beginnings and ends... and that the more there are, the better.

One of my emails is Live4life@.
I came up with this email when I was in 7th grade. I just wanted an email that sounded "cute". At that time in my life, I was still in that anxious- everything has to be stable- no going to bed past 10pm or else you're going to fail your life-  getting all A's because otherwise, the world is ending- phase of my life. Now you know what I mean when I say that I used to have anxiety. It wasn't only social- it was life. I feared things that weren't realistic. I imagined the worst-case scenarios. I didn't take chances because I was afraid they would mess up my constant state of stability and security. I was blinded by my fears and built myself a fortress. 

So I guess this normally-insignificant spark in my mind-this creative email address- was a foreshadow. My current life is full of instabilities and I'm merely floating the currents. I'm building my foundation, but who says it won't collapse? Nobody. And that's college. And that's life. And I was afraid of it because I was afraid of failure because failure would lead me to instability, which would lead to me to losing my security blanket.

I eventually had to come to terms with life. It taught me to be tough and how to tread through rough waters. And it prepared me for this life that I lead now- one of getting many things done, and ultimately making changes in this world and in other people's lives (hopefully).

So now I'm actually living for life. 
And isn't that what life is all about?
Grasping opportunities. Giving yourself a wide range of experiences. Being active and vocal about the movements and ideas that you are passionate about. Feeling accomplished.
This is what life is. And I want to take advantage of all that it has to offer. 

I had a (short) phase during which I cut down my average hours of sleep. I wanted to do more. I wanted to accomplish more. I just wanted to do everything! Why sleep when there is so much I can do with that time?

I quickly learned that wasn't the right mind-set. Something about falling asleep during classes and processing information even slower than usual told me that the plan was a no-go.

I eventually came to the realization and conclusion (and I have written about this before in another post) that life is a journey (sometimes rough and painful, but wonderful nonetheless). The greatest parts of life are attaining our goals. On my Youtube page, I have written:

"Devote yourself to an idea. Go make it happen. Struggle on it. Overcome your fears. Smile. Don't you forget: this is your dream." - Unknown 

If you want to learn more about this topic, read my blog post Enjoying the Journey, here!

So, (finally) in conclusion, why be busy and stay busy?

• Life is all about getting things done. This includes family and free time of course. What I am referring to is not wasting time on my laptop or phone. I feel dull when I do this for long periods of time.
• You get more done when you have more things to do. 
• It feels . . . so so so good. "Good" is a flat word, but it is the right one. 
• You have potential. Be active. Be vocal. Get in. Get involved. 
• The most important point for you to take away from this post: Appreciation. It skyrockets. You begin to appreciate your bed and pillow-like never before. You begin to appreciate time with your friends and family. You know what it means to work hard, and everything is like a gift in return for your being active. I eat fewer sweets now. I limit sugar intake to special occasions. I enjoy sweets SO much more now. I appreciate sweets so much more! At times, my brain functionality is so slow, that I feel ecstatic- ECSTATIC-when I finally process the concept. It's an accomplishment. When I get that A- I feel on top of the world. I feel this happiness so often, I don't even know if it's healthy. I undergo stress and happiness so often, I feel like I really know what it means to feel happy. 
• Self-fulfillment. Satisfaction. 

I cannot stress enough how wonderful it feels to have a full schedule. 

Don't be afraid t step out of your comfort zone. Try new things. Sign up for a few stuff, try them out, drop them if they don't satisfy you. 

I have applied for 2 internships. Both require me to put in some time during the summer. I'm hoping they don't overlap so that I can do both. For the past 3 summers, I stayed home and did whatever I wanted with my time. It was nice to have that phase where I had nothing scheduled- a complete break. I can say that I know how it feels to have nothing to do. It's nice, for a bit. Then I feel like DOING something. My friends often encourage me to give myself a break and do nothing for a bit. But the truth is that I don't enjoy doing nothing. I don't enjoy watching TV for longer than 30 minutes, unless its a movie or show that I feel is worth my time. I don't want to watch other people create things and do cool stuff. I want to create and do cool stuff. 

Don't get me wrong. You can find me hanging out with my friends during the weekends and watching movies on Saturday nights every once in a while. But for the most part, I just want to do what makes me feel good at the end of the day.  

And you can have your breaks too. For the past 5 days, I haven't done much school work. I have been taking naps (I can't randomly fall asleep wherever I want when I'm at school, so this was a special treat). I haven't even worked on a Youtube video. Just totally chilled :) 

So there you go. 

Now go live for life!

Brain Overdrive

My phone.

I hate it sometimes.

The anticipation of a Facebook notification or a new Instagram like... Sometimes I wish I could just
throw it all away.

It's like there is a constant unnecessary inflow of crap into my brain. What she wore, what he did today, what she thinks about... Because I don't care and I don't need to. These insignificant facts don't change my world for the better or improve my life in any way.

I have deleted certain apps from my cell phone before- multiple times, actually. I would look down too often, even when I had not received a text or a notification. I would look at my phone while eating, on the bus while on my way to classes, and even when I was with friends (who I enjoy being with). I would do this because it was so natural. 

I don't want that to be natural or normal for me.

I said "multiple times" because I get these apps back when I realize how much easier it is to just have them on my phone. However, I know that having them on my phone isn't necessarily good for me.

This is not my diary.

I write about things that affect others as well as myself, and I know that I'm not the only one with this headache.

So I'm not going to make this long because this is a simple statement: sometimes it's important to give ourselves a break- our egos, (at times) unrealistic expectations, and the constant thrill that we naturally desire.

It's unhealthy and exhausting, and our time and lives are worth more.

It is 1:30 am and I am exhausted, but I can't help but write this down while lying in my bed, head on 
pillow, phone light setting on low, and my phone on silent so that my roommate won't wake up.

I'm a college student with back to back classes tomorrow and I can't sleep because this is more 
exhausting.

I don't want this anymore.
It's not what life is all about. I only have one chance to make the best of it and since this isn't the best... changes are going to be made

Some tips:

• This is hard at times. Only use your apps when you have a notification or want to post something. It's like binging on food. you're not really hungry, but eat anyway because you have the time or are bored. 
• Put all of the distracting apps into one section (I know you can do this on an iPhone, though I am not sure about other phones). This way, these apps stand out less on your screen and you are less likely to give in to viewing them. 
• GET BUSY!!! Whenever I spend time on Facebook or Instagram just scrolling through, I honestly feel horrible about myself. It is a known fact that social media makes people feel unhappy. This makes sense because we are constantly focusing on other people. We have our own lives. Don't waste it away by comparing it to others'. Why do you have so much free time on your hands anyway. Or maybe you don't- you just really don't want to write that paper or study for that test... but the way that I think about it is that I will feel more accomplished and happier in the long run if I do what I need to get done. This is not easy, but is worth the time that it saves and the feeling of accomplishing more. 
• Make a list of things you want and need to get done, so that you are more aware of the fact that you can use your time in a more productive way. Plan something to do in your free time that is rewarding- I usually like to practice guitar in between my study sessions. I feel happier doign this over scrolling through my newsfeed. 

If you have better tips, implement them. 

Write yourself notes if you need to. Make your home screen picture a positive quote of staying offline if you need to. 

As time goes on, it gets easier and you feel happier overall. 

Good luck!