As a kid, I was not much of a reader. Most people I knew were not really very into reading and considered it a chore most of the time.
It was my freshman year of high school when I discovered a love for books and reading. Now, I do not mean teen drama and science fiction type books. Most people feel interested by these genres. I am referring to books about real life: history, philosophy, politics, psychology, etc.
There was an assembly at my school about a political debate occurring in another area of the world. Although I had heard about this debate many times and it affected me personally, I still did not know the history of the conflict or even what exactly it was all about. The speaker asked the students questions, hoping that somebody knew enough to answer. Out of about 100 kids in that room, only one student was able to answer his questions. That student happened to be sitting next to me. The shame that I had felt at that moment had left me both surprised at my lack of knowledge and upset at myself for not having educated myself earlier. That tremendous shame and embarrassment had been the drive that started my reading books about the political conflict.
However, as I was educating myself about this topic, I realized that books contain answers. Not just answers to history and political questions, but answers about virtually anything. After learning this, I would sit for hours on weekends and even in school reading. I would read books about social psychology, histories of different countries, literature that I found interesting . . . you name it!
I realized that information that people spend a lifetime gathering, I can just read in a couple of days or weeks, depending on how interested I am. The world is open to me. I don't have to look for answers on my own. Rather, I can just pick up a few couple of hundred pages and find the answers right in front of me.
The knowledge that I had gained from reading made me the type of person who was knowledgable about a wide scope of topics. I could now listen to a conversation about the government and understand political terms, or I could notice soothing about the world that I read in some book. My eyes were opened up and I was opening up others' eyes by telling hoers about cool stuff that I learned through reading the right books.
I understand, however, why you still may not be encouraged to pick up a book. Maybe there was nothing you ever really wanted to know about, or maybe you don't have a bunch of questions that you think about continuously. Nonetheless, by reading a book, you will open up a whole different world-the past, future, another's mindset and philosophy of the world, etc.
So go pick up a book that you think you may find interesting and with the mindset that you want to learn something. Everything can change.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Make Sure that you Do Not Do This!!!
Humans naturally rate themselves based on how others see them. If others look at us a certain way, there must be something wrong. If people reacted negatively, they must have reacted that way because we said or did something unacceptable or "not normal."
Just earlier this year, I had come to the realization, though I may have a bit slowly, that determining if we are "right" or "proper" as individuals based on others' views, is not only foolish and self-destructive, but also completely lacks any logical reasoning whatsoever.
First off- people are unstable. We all know this. We all have good and bad days, days we are the social butterflies, and days we want to be alone. I realized that whenever I would have a nice conversation with somebody right before the end of the school day, I would feel really happy and accepted, but when I would not have a conversation or have someone smile at me, I would feel as if I had a "bad" day. However, maybe the other person just did not feel like talking (maybe even it was I who wasn't in the mood to strike up a conversation) or didn't even think to have a conversation. Basically, I would rate myself and my day based upon how others acted towards me (or maybe not even towards me, I just took their not speaking to me or coming up to me personally). Well, in case this sounds like you too, stop doing this to yourself. People are people, which leads me to my next point.
We all know we do it too. We all have those moments when we just don't feel like being social or smiling. Now imagine having someone feel sad when you don't smile at them or say hi to them. You would just think that they have an insecurity issue or something of the sort. However, we people tend to feel sensitive towards others actions. Now that we realize how silly it really is, let's stop.
Last point: who cares? Really. I am not trying to be one of those "I don't care about anything, just want to be mature" people, but logically- why determine how to act based on others' perceptions. Just as long as you are friendly and an overall "good" person, you're fine.
So now . . .
1. Realize that all people are different.
2. Realize that you are not the girl giving you a strange look, or the girl who you think is weird. You enjoy different things, have had different experiences, and are clearly . . . well . . . different.
3. Understand that it is OK to be who and how you want to be.
4. Accept yourself and accept others.
5. Do what you feel is right. Nobody likes when people try too hard. Stand your ground, be your own person.
6. Don't lower your standards or act a certain way in order to "fit in". Have self-worth and pride. You most probably won't know these people forever, so do what will make you proud of yourself when you look back one day.
7. Finally, whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.
Love that one.
Hope I helped!
Thanks!!
Comments are welcome!
Just earlier this year, I had come to the realization, though I may have a bit slowly, that determining if we are "right" or "proper" as individuals based on others' views, is not only foolish and self-destructive, but also completely lacks any logical reasoning whatsoever.
First off- people are unstable. We all know this. We all have good and bad days, days we are the social butterflies, and days we want to be alone. I realized that whenever I would have a nice conversation with somebody right before the end of the school day, I would feel really happy and accepted, but when I would not have a conversation or have someone smile at me, I would feel as if I had a "bad" day. However, maybe the other person just did not feel like talking (maybe even it was I who wasn't in the mood to strike up a conversation) or didn't even think to have a conversation. Basically, I would rate myself and my day based upon how others acted towards me (or maybe not even towards me, I just took their not speaking to me or coming up to me personally). Well, in case this sounds like you too, stop doing this to yourself. People are people, which leads me to my next point.
We all know we do it too. We all have those moments when we just don't feel like being social or smiling. Now imagine having someone feel sad when you don't smile at them or say hi to them. You would just think that they have an insecurity issue or something of the sort. However, we people tend to feel sensitive towards others actions. Now that we realize how silly it really is, let's stop.
Last point: who cares? Really. I am not trying to be one of those "I don't care about anything, just want to be mature" people, but logically- why determine how to act based on others' perceptions. Just as long as you are friendly and an overall "good" person, you're fine.
So now . . .
1. Realize that all people are different.
2. Realize that you are not the girl giving you a strange look, or the girl who you think is weird. You enjoy different things, have had different experiences, and are clearly . . . well . . . different.
3. Understand that it is OK to be who and how you want to be.
4. Accept yourself and accept others.
5. Do what you feel is right. Nobody likes when people try too hard. Stand your ground, be your own person.
6. Don't lower your standards or act a certain way in order to "fit in". Have self-worth and pride. You most probably won't know these people forever, so do what will make you proud of yourself when you look back one day.
7. Finally, whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.
Love that one.
Hope I helped!
Thanks!!
Comments are welcome!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
How to Get Yourself Focused on Your Dreams so that You Can Just Achieve Them
So . . . I am a dreamer, as I am sure many of you are. When I was younger (4th to 8th grades), I would spend two hours a day on the school bus, every day. One hour in the morning, and the other in the afternoon. During these two hours, I would . . . well . . . dream.
You see, I was a very shy kid. I had started working on overcoming my social anxiety in 7th grade, when I realized that life is all about interacting with other people and that there is no way to escape the interactions that come with day-to-day life. Eventually, however, my mission to overcome shyness had evolved into a mission to become the person I dreamed of being.
This dream of mine had taken me a lot of energy and determination to achieve. Before I could get myself to talk to people, I had to overcome my sensitivity. By sensitivity, I mean crying when somebody gave me a bad look, or not playing with my classmates during recess because I fully believed that all of them did not like me for whatever reasons my little imagination fabricated. So . . . I needed to somehow set my goals straight, make clear to myself what I really wanted to attain. There were a few things that helped me to keep my mission in perspective and part of my everyday life:
1. I made a list. I wrote out a whole bunch of adjectives that I wished to someday exhibit (smart, pretty, funny). I wrote out obvious and unobvious things. I even used people's names (ex: I want to be able to make people laugh like Selena), because I knew that nobody else would ever see this list. I then folded this list, placed it in a glass tube, and dug it in my yard. I decided that I would dig out the letter my senior year of high school, the year that I wished to complete my destination of becoming the person I visualized myself being. Doing this made me want to overcome my fears even more because I set my goal in the form of an object, so to say, and not just in the form of a vision. This also helped me to feel, in a sense, that my dream was "real," waiting for me to just reach it; and that once I reached it, I could just feel proud that I had attained it.
2. I made a dream poster- You may or may not have heard of this idea, but it is definitely practiced. It is a visualization of all of your dreams. Take pictures and words from magazines or wherever else (or draw) that represent your dreams, and paste them onto a poster. Put this poster on your bedroom wall, under your bed, or in your closet. You can hide it so that only you can see it, or you can hang it proud in front of your family somewhere in your house. Super fact- it is better to keep your plans and goals to yourself, because you are more likely to get them done. Telling others what you plan to do, unconsciously makes you feel as if you have already completed those tasks. "Seeing" your dreams helps you to focus on them, and therefore work towards them.
3. I gave myself time to think about my plans- Well, didn't give myself the time, rather had that one hour on the school bus to focus on my goals. Three specific things that I wanted to achieve were to know how to act in different social situations/settings, to be independent and positive about my decisions (straightforward), and to be tough and strong willed as opposed to sensitive. I would imagine myself as the type of person I dreamed of becoming. Doing so would make me want to achieve my goals only more because I would feel happiness and excitement when imagining myself as overcoming my fears and difficulties.
Hopefully you can put these into practice and find them as helpful as I found them!
You see, I was a very shy kid. I had started working on overcoming my social anxiety in 7th grade, when I realized that life is all about interacting with other people and that there is no way to escape the interactions that come with day-to-day life. Eventually, however, my mission to overcome shyness had evolved into a mission to become the person I dreamed of being.
This dream of mine had taken me a lot of energy and determination to achieve. Before I could get myself to talk to people, I had to overcome my sensitivity. By sensitivity, I mean crying when somebody gave me a bad look, or not playing with my classmates during recess because I fully believed that all of them did not like me for whatever reasons my little imagination fabricated. So . . . I needed to somehow set my goals straight, make clear to myself what I really wanted to attain. There were a few things that helped me to keep my mission in perspective and part of my everyday life:
1. I made a list. I wrote out a whole bunch of adjectives that I wished to someday exhibit (smart, pretty, funny). I wrote out obvious and unobvious things. I even used people's names (ex: I want to be able to make people laugh like Selena), because I knew that nobody else would ever see this list. I then folded this list, placed it in a glass tube, and dug it in my yard. I decided that I would dig out the letter my senior year of high school, the year that I wished to complete my destination of becoming the person I visualized myself being. Doing this made me want to overcome my fears even more because I set my goal in the form of an object, so to say, and not just in the form of a vision. This also helped me to feel, in a sense, that my dream was "real," waiting for me to just reach it; and that once I reached it, I could just feel proud that I had attained it.
2. I made a dream poster- You may or may not have heard of this idea, but it is definitely practiced. It is a visualization of all of your dreams. Take pictures and words from magazines or wherever else (or draw) that represent your dreams, and paste them onto a poster. Put this poster on your bedroom wall, under your bed, or in your closet. You can hide it so that only you can see it, or you can hang it proud in front of your family somewhere in your house. Super fact- it is better to keep your plans and goals to yourself, because you are more likely to get them done. Telling others what you plan to do, unconsciously makes you feel as if you have already completed those tasks. "Seeing" your dreams helps you to focus on them, and therefore work towards them.
3. I gave myself time to think about my plans- Well, didn't give myself the time, rather had that one hour on the school bus to focus on my goals. Three specific things that I wanted to achieve were to know how to act in different social situations/settings, to be independent and positive about my decisions (straightforward), and to be tough and strong willed as opposed to sensitive. I would imagine myself as the type of person I dreamed of becoming. Doing so would make me want to achieve my goals only more because I would feel happiness and excitement when imagining myself as overcoming my fears and difficulties.
Hopefully you can put these into practice and find them as helpful as I found them!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Socializing Checklist
These are some things that I like to keep in mind when I go to social events or even just when I am talking to people:
1. Smile- of course this is number one!! Smiling is an invitation for others to approach, and expresses that you are open to meeting new people. Not only will smiling help to attract others, but it will also make you feel more comfortable. Even in an awkward situation, smiling can make you and the other person feel like you are still on good terms.
Note- However, do not smile too much. It is not necessary to continuously smile just to show that you are happy to be speaking to the person. Sometimes it is better to just listen and keep making eye contact.
2. Make eye contact- so many times I notice others quickly glancing, smiling, and then looking away. This kind of eye contact will not give you a good connection with another person, and will make it seem that you are insecure and\or are not interested in the other person. Making eye contact for at least two seconds shows confidence and interest.
Note- Make sure to smile lightly while making eye contact. Not smiling will give the other person the opposite message. Also, don't stare. While talking to the person, it is alright to look to the side of the person to formulate thoughts. Just make sure to not be looking to the ground or above the person's head, or constantly to the person's side. I've seen all three cases . . . you do not want to make these mistakes!
3. Slow down- a lot of people like to talk quickly and run to people so that they could quickly hug them and say something to make themselves seem super interested and excited. If you are not meeting with your friends, but acquaintances (people that you're supposed to be excited about or hug), slowing down can give you time to think of what to say and how to act in the social situation. Give a big sincere smile, slowly come up to the person, and give them a fair-lengthed hug. Talk slowly, rather than, "oh my gosh! How are you? It's so nice to see! I haven't seen you in so long! How is everything ?"
When I say slowly, I don't mean creepy slowly, like you're being fake, but just slow enough that you're walking towards the person and speaking in a regular paced- tone.
Other situations in which acting slowly can make you seem more confident are when someone calls your name and you have to turn around to see him or her, when walking in the school hallway or anywhere else where there are many people, and . . .well . . . always, basically.
4. Speak to the other person with the intent of learning something- every person is a book with a story. If you have sincere interest in learning something from\ about everybody, conversing with other people will be more interesting and easy. Don't ask too many questions, but just enough to keep the conversation flowing. Also, don't just ask for the sake of asking. Ask questions that actually interest you- you can always find something!
5. Don't be afraid to use your sense of humor- just be yourself, don't try too hard to be funny. Say light jokes, not ones that might be offensive or may not be understandable to the specific person with whom you are speaking.
I hope these help! I will add new pointers if I think of any more!
1. Smile- of course this is number one!! Smiling is an invitation for others to approach, and expresses that you are open to meeting new people. Not only will smiling help to attract others, but it will also make you feel more comfortable. Even in an awkward situation, smiling can make you and the other person feel like you are still on good terms.
Note- However, do not smile too much. It is not necessary to continuously smile just to show that you are happy to be speaking to the person. Sometimes it is better to just listen and keep making eye contact.
2. Make eye contact- so many times I notice others quickly glancing, smiling, and then looking away. This kind of eye contact will not give you a good connection with another person, and will make it seem that you are insecure and\or are not interested in the other person. Making eye contact for at least two seconds shows confidence and interest.
Note- Make sure to smile lightly while making eye contact. Not smiling will give the other person the opposite message. Also, don't stare. While talking to the person, it is alright to look to the side of the person to formulate thoughts. Just make sure to not be looking to the ground or above the person's head, or constantly to the person's side. I've seen all three cases . . . you do not want to make these mistakes!
3. Slow down- a lot of people like to talk quickly and run to people so that they could quickly hug them and say something to make themselves seem super interested and excited. If you are not meeting with your friends, but acquaintances (people that you're supposed to be excited about or hug), slowing down can give you time to think of what to say and how to act in the social situation. Give a big sincere smile, slowly come up to the person, and give them a fair-lengthed hug. Talk slowly, rather than, "oh my gosh! How are you? It's so nice to see! I haven't seen you in so long! How is everything ?"
When I say slowly, I don't mean creepy slowly, like you're being fake, but just slow enough that you're walking towards the person and speaking in a regular paced- tone.
Other situations in which acting slowly can make you seem more confident are when someone calls your name and you have to turn around to see him or her, when walking in the school hallway or anywhere else where there are many people, and . . .well . . . always, basically.
4. Speak to the other person with the intent of learning something- every person is a book with a story. If you have sincere interest in learning something from\ about everybody, conversing with other people will be more interesting and easy. Don't ask too many questions, but just enough to keep the conversation flowing. Also, don't just ask for the sake of asking. Ask questions that actually interest you- you can always find something!
5. Don't be afraid to use your sense of humor- just be yourself, don't try too hard to be funny. Say light jokes, not ones that might be offensive or may not be understandable to the specific person with whom you are speaking.
I hope these help! I will add new pointers if I think of any more!
Monday, October 14, 2013
How I overcame Social Anxiety- A Guide for Others
Social Anxiety- the fear of interacting with other people due to the possibility that others may judge you negatively.
It may or may not surprise you that many people suffer from social anxiety. Social anxiety is, in fact, one of the most common health problems.
If you have social anxiety, then you know just how frightening it may be to stand in a room full of people or attend events in which you have to actually. . . talk to . . .people.
This is a post specifically for those of you who wish to overcome your social anxiety, but just don't know how to go about doing so. You feel that you are missing out in life because you can't enjoy yourself whenever you step foot out of your comfort zone, which may just be your house. Only your house. Where you only spend so much of your time.
I would just like to let you know that overcoming your social fear is completely possible. I consider myself living proof. While I am currently very socially stable and confident, I do not think I could possibly forget my socially awkward days.
Hopefully, this post can help you. I really hope that it does. However, I cannot promise that they will work for everybody. I speak from my own knowledge and not any scientific research.
In addition to being socially anxious, I was also extremely sensitive. If somebody looked at me, not even in a mean manner, or made a light joke about me, I would instantly tense and become overwhelmed. This sensitivity only increased my social fears and therefore hindered my ability to make friends.
As a kid- specifically during my elementary and middle school years- I was really shy and did not have great social skills. Not only was I afraid to talk to people, but I really did not know how to interact with others. I simply could not understand how to say hi to somebody without being awkward, or continue a conversation without getting nervous about possibly saying something "stupid" or the other person losing interest in me.
It was during the summer of my entering seventh grade that I realized that I had to overcome my social anxiety. There were several reasons for my wanting to overcome my fear:
1. I knew that I was missing out- I was emotionally exhausted of constantly worrying of what others thought of me, or wether I was likable or not. All of the stress was holding me back from achieving my goals, from being myself, and from enjoying my life.
2. I understood that social skills are extremely important- not only because I am human and interaction with others is crucial for survival, but because I could not possibly live my life while being afraid of socializing. How could I enjoy my high school years if I am unable to make friends? How will I build a network for myself one day when I am searching for a job? How will I find the right person to marry one day?
3. I wanted to be social- this may not seem like a reason, but it is in fact the most important reason of all! Some people simply prefer to be left alone. They are not social because they choose not to be social. I, on the other hand, wanted to be social. I knew that becoming a social person would make me a happier person as well. Today, not being afraid of social interaction, has indeed made me a happier and healthier person.
So there I was, 12 years old, decided that I wanted to get over my fear of being social.
Where could I even start??
Well, there were a few changes that I had to make internally before I could express the changes externally. First I had to deal with my sensitivity, because my sensitivity was blockading my path to becoming social. There were two techniques that had helped me become emotionally stronger:
1. I commanded myself to GET OVER MYSLEF- I told myself, "Look, you have a problem. Unless you stop making yourself a victim to others' opinions and stop feeling bad for yourself, you will live a difficult and unaccomplished life." I knew that this was true, but would tell myself whenever I felt hurt by something.
2. I began being my own trainer- I learned a great psychological truth: it is easier to overcome a difficulty if you accept it instead of reject it. Every time I felt hurt by something, I would tell myself, "Get over it. It is not that big of a deal. Stop being childish." OR, I would imagine somebody else telling me to stop being so sensitive and to move on. Obviously, if somebody is really bullying you, then yes, you should do something about that. I would feel hurt by everybody's every move. Yes, this sounds crazy, but it was very true. Somebody could have spoken to me while not smiling, and I automatically assumed that they did not like me because there was something wrong with me. Or, that same person could have not said anything at all and I would have concluded that they did not like me.
Over time, I had felt much more emotionally stronger. I had gotten accustomed to reprimanding myself for taking things too personally, and felt that it was easier to be more realistic about others' and my own actions.
After learning to overcome my sensitivity, I was ready to start my path towards becoming the person I wanted to be. Now that I could accept rejection and was not so vulnerable towards others' actions, it was time for me to begin making external changes. This is how I went about doing so:
1. Determine exactly what "being social" means to you- to me, being social meant that I could express myself and my personality as I wished to, without having any fear whatsoever. Being able to do so also meant having the ability to socialize with different types of people- I would not be afraid to ask a question, state my opinion or make a joke.
2. Observe- think of people in your life who are really good at socializing. People who don't have anxiety or self- conscious issues. People who seem to make friends wherever they go, and attract other nice people. Observe, learn, and apply!!! You can do it too!! How do they walk? What kind of facial expressions do they make? How do they stand while talking to people? How do they react to different situations? How do they express confidence?? I do not mean that you should become that person. NO!! I am saying that you should learn from others' strong aspects and use those observations to help improve yourself. Talk to these people if you can, ask them how they perceive and feel about social situations. I observed and applied my sister's social techniques\abilities. She is one of those people who attracts others, who others are interested in and enjoy listening to. A lot of people these days actually tell me that I do certain things the way she does- that was how well I was able to apply this concept to change my life. I was still myself- we definitely have our differences- but I was able to learn off of her and incorporate her abilities into my own abilities. Observe, learn, and apply!!!
3. Make your own opportunities- Don't wait to be called on in class or have somebody introduce themselves to you. You do it. Ask your question. Introduce yourself to the girl sitting next to you. You will feel better about your social life because you will realize that you have taken the reigns of your own life. You call the shots! This is your show! Whenever I would sit in school assemblies, in front of all the other students, I would stand up and ask my question. Maybe I would falter once or twice (people don't remember these little things for as long as you do- they forget a few seconds afterwards ad couldn't care less, truthfully), but I was overcoming my fear and that was all that mattered.
Well, five years after I made my decision to be more social and I do not think I could have made a better move.
Realize that attaining complete comfort near and with others did not come easily all the time, and that I am where I am today socially after four years of working on myself. This takes time, but it is so worth it.
Then:
- Did not have many friends
- Afraid of rejection, cared too much about what people thought
- Could not express myself
Now:
- Have a variety of different friends who I feel I can be open with
- Don't care about what others think (I actually surprised myself with this one because I don't think about others' opinions at all)
- Do not fear showing my personality, making a joke, stating my opinion, or introducing myself
Though these changes come with age, I do not believe that I would have been able to overcome so much anxiety if I had not pushed myself. Don't just wait for the "right time" or the "right people." Allow yourself to have the gift of being able to speak with and learn about many types of people.
You will feel more accomplished and satisfied with your life.
A few extra tips in case you feel you need some:
Don't be afraid to live your life the way that you want to live it. The reward is worth the challenge!!
Good luck! Please let me know if you enjoyed this post! Comment, like, whatever!!
Thanks!! Now go and kick some butt!!
It may or may not surprise you that many people suffer from social anxiety. Social anxiety is, in fact, one of the most common health problems.
If you have social anxiety, then you know just how frightening it may be to stand in a room full of people or attend events in which you have to actually. . . talk to . . .people.
This is a post specifically for those of you who wish to overcome your social anxiety, but just don't know how to go about doing so. You feel that you are missing out in life because you can't enjoy yourself whenever you step foot out of your comfort zone, which may just be your house. Only your house. Where you only spend so much of your time.
I would just like to let you know that overcoming your social fear is completely possible. I consider myself living proof. While I am currently very socially stable and confident, I do not think I could possibly forget my socially awkward days.
Hopefully, this post can help you. I really hope that it does. However, I cannot promise that they will work for everybody. I speak from my own knowledge and not any scientific research.
In addition to being socially anxious, I was also extremely sensitive. If somebody looked at me, not even in a mean manner, or made a light joke about me, I would instantly tense and become overwhelmed. This sensitivity only increased my social fears and therefore hindered my ability to make friends.
As a kid- specifically during my elementary and middle school years- I was really shy and did not have great social skills. Not only was I afraid to talk to people, but I really did not know how to interact with others. I simply could not understand how to say hi to somebody without being awkward, or continue a conversation without getting nervous about possibly saying something "stupid" or the other person losing interest in me.
It was during the summer of my entering seventh grade that I realized that I had to overcome my social anxiety. There were several reasons for my wanting to overcome my fear:
1. I knew that I was missing out- I was emotionally exhausted of constantly worrying of what others thought of me, or wether I was likable or not. All of the stress was holding me back from achieving my goals, from being myself, and from enjoying my life.
2. I understood that social skills are extremely important- not only because I am human and interaction with others is crucial for survival, but because I could not possibly live my life while being afraid of socializing. How could I enjoy my high school years if I am unable to make friends? How will I build a network for myself one day when I am searching for a job? How will I find the right person to marry one day?
3. I wanted to be social- this may not seem like a reason, but it is in fact the most important reason of all! Some people simply prefer to be left alone. They are not social because they choose not to be social. I, on the other hand, wanted to be social. I knew that becoming a social person would make me a happier person as well. Today, not being afraid of social interaction, has indeed made me a happier and healthier person.
So there I was, 12 years old, decided that I wanted to get over my fear of being social.
Where could I even start??
Well, there were a few changes that I had to make internally before I could express the changes externally. First I had to deal with my sensitivity, because my sensitivity was blockading my path to becoming social. There were two techniques that had helped me become emotionally stronger:
1. I commanded myself to GET OVER MYSLEF- I told myself, "Look, you have a problem. Unless you stop making yourself a victim to others' opinions and stop feeling bad for yourself, you will live a difficult and unaccomplished life." I knew that this was true, but would tell myself whenever I felt hurt by something.
2. I began being my own trainer- I learned a great psychological truth: it is easier to overcome a difficulty if you accept it instead of reject it. Every time I felt hurt by something, I would tell myself, "Get over it. It is not that big of a deal. Stop being childish." OR, I would imagine somebody else telling me to stop being so sensitive and to move on. Obviously, if somebody is really bullying you, then yes, you should do something about that. I would feel hurt by everybody's every move. Yes, this sounds crazy, but it was very true. Somebody could have spoken to me while not smiling, and I automatically assumed that they did not like me because there was something wrong with me. Or, that same person could have not said anything at all and I would have concluded that they did not like me.
Over time, I had felt much more emotionally stronger. I had gotten accustomed to reprimanding myself for taking things too personally, and felt that it was easier to be more realistic about others' and my own actions.
After learning to overcome my sensitivity, I was ready to start my path towards becoming the person I wanted to be. Now that I could accept rejection and was not so vulnerable towards others' actions, it was time for me to begin making external changes. This is how I went about doing so:
1. Determine exactly what "being social" means to you- to me, being social meant that I could express myself and my personality as I wished to, without having any fear whatsoever. Being able to do so also meant having the ability to socialize with different types of people- I would not be afraid to ask a question, state my opinion or make a joke.
2. Observe- think of people in your life who are really good at socializing. People who don't have anxiety or self- conscious issues. People who seem to make friends wherever they go, and attract other nice people. Observe, learn, and apply!!! You can do it too!! How do they walk? What kind of facial expressions do they make? How do they stand while talking to people? How do they react to different situations? How do they express confidence?? I do not mean that you should become that person. NO!! I am saying that you should learn from others' strong aspects and use those observations to help improve yourself. Talk to these people if you can, ask them how they perceive and feel about social situations. I observed and applied my sister's social techniques\abilities. She is one of those people who attracts others, who others are interested in and enjoy listening to. A lot of people these days actually tell me that I do certain things the way she does- that was how well I was able to apply this concept to change my life. I was still myself- we definitely have our differences- but I was able to learn off of her and incorporate her abilities into my own abilities. Observe, learn, and apply!!!
3. Make your own opportunities- Don't wait to be called on in class or have somebody introduce themselves to you. You do it. Ask your question. Introduce yourself to the girl sitting next to you. You will feel better about your social life because you will realize that you have taken the reigns of your own life. You call the shots! This is your show! Whenever I would sit in school assemblies, in front of all the other students, I would stand up and ask my question. Maybe I would falter once or twice (people don't remember these little things for as long as you do- they forget a few seconds afterwards ad couldn't care less, truthfully), but I was overcoming my fear and that was all that mattered.
Well, five years after I made my decision to be more social and I do not think I could have made a better move.
Realize that attaining complete comfort near and with others did not come easily all the time, and that I am where I am today socially after four years of working on myself. This takes time, but it is so worth it.
Then:
- Did not have many friends
- Afraid of rejection, cared too much about what people thought
- Could not express myself
Now:
- Have a variety of different friends who I feel I can be open with
- Don't care about what others think (I actually surprised myself with this one because I don't think about others' opinions at all)
- Do not fear showing my personality, making a joke, stating my opinion, or introducing myself
Though these changes come with age, I do not believe that I would have been able to overcome so much anxiety if I had not pushed myself. Don't just wait for the "right time" or the "right people." Allow yourself to have the gift of being able to speak with and learn about many types of people.
You will feel more accomplished and satisfied with your life.
A few extra tips in case you feel you need some:
- Smile, keep your back straight, hold your head up high.
- Don't allow somebody's bad day to discourage you from a lifetime of meeting wonderful people.
- Instead of paying so much attention to others, pay attention to yourself. Think of ways in which you can improve or imagine yourself in a social situation that you hope to one day succeed in.
- Keep a journal specifically for your social journey so that you can write your good and bad memories- one day you can look back at it and get some good laughs. I actually did this, and read it to my family after I had overcome the difficulty. We had some nice laughs and I felt happy all over again!!
Don't be afraid to live your life the way that you want to live it. The reward is worth the challenge!!
Good luck! Please let me know if you enjoyed this post! Comment, like, whatever!!
Thanks!! Now go and kick some butt!!
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Overcome a Moment of Sadness
We all have those moments when we feel sad. Wether its because of a recent breakup or just . . .well . . .because, there are several tactics that I use to get out of the down feelings. These may help you just as they help me:
1. Remove yourself from the electronics- Social media sites, phones and the television have their negative affects as well as their positive. Sometimes, it is important to just refresh your state of mind and focus on yourself instead of everything else's that is going on with your friends and your social media site acquaintances. Detach yourself from all of the information and allow your mind to rest from all of the drama, "excitement" of others' lives, and television pleasure.
2. Write down your feelings and thoughts in a diary or journal- I have a journal that I have been writing in for the past seven years. Whenever I feel sad, I pull it out and jot down how I'm feeling. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm sad or what to say about my current mode. Then I end up going on a tangent about writing about whatever I want and somehow get to this elevated happy feeling and end up writing positively. After about 10-15 minuted writing in my journal, my mood shifts from negative to positive.
3. Step outside into the quiet- Find a nice relaxing place to visit whenever you need a break from your daily life. DO NOT use this time to go on the internet or check out your friend's text. This time is for YOU. Lye down, think, don't think, just relax. Breathe in slow and feel the fresh air on your skin. Think of how pretty the world is, how wonderful life could be, how positivity results in happiness. JUST RELAX. Your mood should naturally shift to a positive state.
OR, go on a bike ride. There is something wonderful about riding a bike and just feeling the breeze through your hair. It's soothing and fun. Also, taking light walks alone or while talking to someone you trust (whichever you prefer), can also be helpful. Nature is a natural antidepressant. Really, it is.
4. Do something nice for somebody else- this may sound silly because it seems that all of the focus should be on you if you want to make yourself feel better. On the other hand, studies show that doing a kind act for another can make one happy. Its like being nice to yourself. You feel even better as the doer than the receiver. If you're planning on going out somewhere, hold the door for the person behind you or smile at somebody.
5. Don't be afraid to show your feelings- I don't mean that you should begin crying and talking to everybody about your feelings, but that you should not constantly conceal how you truly feel. Scientific fact: those that constantly hide their true feelings behind a mask of smiles and talking are less likely to attain happiness. you don't always need to showcase happiness and an ability to upkeep with social encounters. Everybody has their ups and downs, and it is alright to keep to yourself and solve your own problems quietly if you need to.
6. Do what makes you feel good- go on a run, listen to a song that you know will cheer you up, talk to somebody you trust, write yourself a letter, write a post on your blog.
7. Understand that you are simply awesome- You were born for a reason. You have a unique purpose. No other person in this world has experienced all that you have experienced, because, well, if they had they would be you. And they're not. So there you go. Create an awesome life for yourself, because you were born to be awesome.
8. Turn on some loud music and dance- DANCE,DANCE,DANCE, dance away your fears, worries, anger, hurt, all that stuff. Just dance to the coolest, most exciting song you know as if to say, "I am deciding to enjoy my life." Lets make it this simple.
9. Try to restrain from elevating yourself through temporary substitutes- people usually go for food or partying. Try to stay away for quick fixes. Do what will truly make you feel good on the inside and in the future.
If you're still feeling somewhat sad, take a listen to "Lost" by the wonderful Michael Buble:
1. Remove yourself from the electronics- Social media sites, phones and the television have their negative affects as well as their positive. Sometimes, it is important to just refresh your state of mind and focus on yourself instead of everything else's that is going on with your friends and your social media site acquaintances. Detach yourself from all of the information and allow your mind to rest from all of the drama, "excitement" of others' lives, and television pleasure.
2. Write down your feelings and thoughts in a diary or journal- I have a journal that I have been writing in for the past seven years. Whenever I feel sad, I pull it out and jot down how I'm feeling. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm sad or what to say about my current mode. Then I end up going on a tangent about writing about whatever I want and somehow get to this elevated happy feeling and end up writing positively. After about 10-15 minuted writing in my journal, my mood shifts from negative to positive.
3. Step outside into the quiet- Find a nice relaxing place to visit whenever you need a break from your daily life. DO NOT use this time to go on the internet or check out your friend's text. This time is for YOU. Lye down, think, don't think, just relax. Breathe in slow and feel the fresh air on your skin. Think of how pretty the world is, how wonderful life could be, how positivity results in happiness. JUST RELAX. Your mood should naturally shift to a positive state.
OR, go on a bike ride. There is something wonderful about riding a bike and just feeling the breeze through your hair. It's soothing and fun. Also, taking light walks alone or while talking to someone you trust (whichever you prefer), can also be helpful. Nature is a natural antidepressant. Really, it is.
4. Do something nice for somebody else- this may sound silly because it seems that all of the focus should be on you if you want to make yourself feel better. On the other hand, studies show that doing a kind act for another can make one happy. Its like being nice to yourself. You feel even better as the doer than the receiver. If you're planning on going out somewhere, hold the door for the person behind you or smile at somebody.
5. Don't be afraid to show your feelings- I don't mean that you should begin crying and talking to everybody about your feelings, but that you should not constantly conceal how you truly feel. Scientific fact: those that constantly hide their true feelings behind a mask of smiles and talking are less likely to attain happiness. you don't always need to showcase happiness and an ability to upkeep with social encounters. Everybody has their ups and downs, and it is alright to keep to yourself and solve your own problems quietly if you need to.
6. Do what makes you feel good- go on a run, listen to a song that you know will cheer you up, talk to somebody you trust, write yourself a letter, write a post on your blog.
7. Understand that you are simply awesome- You were born for a reason. You have a unique purpose. No other person in this world has experienced all that you have experienced, because, well, if they had they would be you. And they're not. So there you go. Create an awesome life for yourself, because you were born to be awesome.
8. Turn on some loud music and dance- DANCE,DANCE,DANCE, dance away your fears, worries, anger, hurt, all that stuff. Just dance to the coolest, most exciting song you know as if to say, "I am deciding to enjoy my life." Lets make it this simple.
9. Try to restrain from elevating yourself through temporary substitutes- people usually go for food or partying. Try to stay away for quick fixes. Do what will truly make you feel good on the inside and in the future.
If you're still feeling somewhat sad, take a listen to "Lost" by the wonderful Michael Buble:
Thursday, September 26, 2013
How to Move On
Realize That There Is More to
Life
Ever
feel like this? Take a listen:
Your past is gone and life goes
on. Though it may not be perfect and you are not happy with it, IT GOES ON.
Meaning, you still have time to get what you want. If you didn't, then life
would be over (literally).
You know what I mean?
Allow your past to strengthen
you, not make you bitter. Learn from it, use it as a platform from which to
improve, think of it as an inspiration.
Either you can accept what has
happened and wish you could change the past (which we all know is not (yet?)
possible), or you can grow from it and inspire others.
You decide. Really, YOU do. And
even if life knocks you down again, that's ok. That's what life is. It's never
perfect, but you have the power to change it for the better.
Check
out this famous story of a boy who did not allow his
condition to keep him from being happy. He has a message to share with the world:
People
who made it:
Justin
Bieber- was poor, grew up without a father, taught himself to play
multiple instruments, one of the world's most famous singers
Abraham
Lincoln- born in a log cabin, family struggled to survive and learn, taught
himself while working on a farm, USA's 16th pres
J.K.
Rowling- lost her mother at a young age, divorced and left with a child, was on
welfare, was diagnosed with depression and contemplated suicide, sold 400 million books and is
worth 1.1 billion dollars
Jim
Carrey- worked 8 hours a day while in school, lived in a camper van with his
family, did stand-up routines and was able to land gigs, one of the most highly paid comedians
Oprah
Winfrey- born to unwed teens, raised by poor grandmother, ran away from
home, academically successful, radio host to news anchor to television host to having her own television
show, channel, and magazine, now worth 3 billion dollars
Do What You Gotta Do
Even if there is nobody who believes in you and your goals, this
is your life and so you can do what you need to do to achieve happiness.
If your "friends" dont want you to change (in this case
for the better, for the sake of your happiness), then maybe they aren't your
friends. If you end up having to let some people exit your lives, then maybe
they aren't needed. If they're holding you back and don't make you happy, what
good are they anyway?
Would you rather be alone or with people who make you feel alone?
If you have a situaution in which you absolutely must keep a
realtionship, find a way in which you can keep it AND your goals.
Taylor Swift had no friends in middle school, but still purued her
dream of being a singer. While she was singing at stadiums, learning guitar, and
making a name for herself in Nashville, other kids her age were wasting their
time laughing at what would lead her to fame.
Think
about it this way: What would you do if today was your last day?
Hhhmmm
. . . Nickelback has some nice advice . . .
The
people who you surround yourself with have a lot to do with your happiness and
self- image. This is true for two reasons:
1.
If your friends do not respect you, you will come to think lowly of yourself
and have unhappy and unhealthy relationships.
2.
"Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are." I
don't know who said that, but I am positive that it is indeed true. Think about
it- you tend to behave more like the people who you spend your time with.
Try to surround yourself with people whom you can learn from (and
if you can't, learn from a distance). I have found that learning something big or small from everybody I
meet is really rewarding and beneficial. Even if I am not really fond of
somebody, I can find something about them that I would like to possess and work
towards that. This actually helps me to get along better with people and makes
me appreciate them more.
If
you encircle yourself with people who you desire to be like or who have similar
goals, you will be more likely to become like them and achieve your desires.
Stay Positive
POSITIVE
THOUGHTS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
This
is so true that I can guarantee you that you will feel and see a change once
you begin thinking positively about yourself, your plans and your future.
Positive
thinking is not always easy to attain, but it is very well possible.
Try
this: take a piece of paper and write down a list of phrases that begin with
"you are . . ." (beautiful, smart, meant for great things, worthy of
love, etc). Whatever works for you! Next, (and this sounds embarrassing and
stupid) tape this paper to your mirror or somewhere else in your bedroom or
bathroom or wherever you would like, and say them every morning to yourself.
You don't even have to look in the mirror, but you would get a better sense of
self. Say them multiple times if you have to, scream them if you want. As you
say them over and over again regularly, you will naturally begin to believe
those phrases. And when you believe something, you act accordingly. If you believe
that you are beautiful, you will act beautiful . . . etc.
Another
activity that you might want to try is to everyday write down something you are
thankful for.
I used to have a list of things that I am thankful for. Everyday I would write down one thing, person or experience that I am thankful for. I wrote very specific things and by the end of the year I had multiple papers of lists of things that I should always remember I am lucky for having.
This kind of activity will make you realize that even if you're missing something major in your life, you still have something(s). It gives you a greater sense of appreciation for your life and a greater feeling of overall happiness.
I used to have a list of things that I am thankful for. Everyday I would write down one thing, person or experience that I am thankful for. I wrote very specific things and by the end of the year I had multiple papers of lists of things that I should always remember I am lucky for having.
This kind of activity will make you realize that even if you're missing something major in your life, you still have something(s). It gives you a greater sense of appreciation for your life and a greater feeling of overall happiness.
COOL
FACT!!! Scientific
studies actually show that having positive thoughts can affect your brain and
its overall health. Positive thinking can affect your brain's health, and in turn,
your life!
"The Secret" by
Rhonda Byrne had become a bestselling book a couple of years ago. It is
about positive thinking and how people can achieve their greatest dreams by
attracting all that they want to themselves by believing in those
possibilities. Take a look at this inspiring video. This is how you should see
yourself when you recite your list in the morning:
Continue With Your Plans
Finally,
and of course this is the last step, JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!
Because
what else are you going to do, right?
You
decide: move on and take the reighns of your life OR let the circumstances of
your life lead the way.
Have
you ever seen the movie Meet
the Robinsons?
A
wonderful quote from the movie is to "Keep moving forward."
Louis,
the main character, is an orphan who just so happens to be a smart
kid inventor. Only thing is his inventions don't exactly work. Just as he is
about to give up, he is encouraged by his friend Wilbur and eventually enters
his future and the saying his future self came up with: keep moving forward. He
learns that if he does just that he will eventually have the future . . .
basically, keep moving forward.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Things To Remember Everyday
1. Be thankful for what you have. If you just look up to the sky and say thank you every time you experience a moment of happiness, you will automatically be more perceptive to when good things happen to you.
2. Smile, hold your shoulders back, stand up tall. Doing these will help you feel more confident and make you look more poised.
3. Say "well," not "good." Speaking properly has a great affect on how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you.
4. Think of something you can learn from everyone you meet. Especially from those who you dislike and have to deal with on a day to day bases. This will make you appreciate others more and there fore make interaction with others more interesting.
5. Everybody has a story so be open minded with others. Talking to other people and hearing others' unique stories can really open up your eyes to exciting ideas towards life. There is a fulfilling feeling that comes with really listening to somebody and learning for him or her.
6. It's always better to be the bigger person. Handle the naughty with class and absolutely never steep to a level below your intelligence.
7. Don't worry TOO much. A little bit of anxiety can be good, but never allow anxiety to take over your life. Just enjoy life and do the best you can.
8. Don't be afraid to take risks. Not the life-threatening ones, but those that make life exciting. Step out of your comfort zone a bit and just see what happens if you do that thing you have been longing to do. For your own fun.
9. Think of every difficult experience as a lesson or blessing in disguise. Try to grow from hardships. You will end up stronger and more confident in your ability to overcome challenges. Hardships come with life, so all you can do is respond to them to them to the best of your ability.
10. Surround yourself with good people. The people you allow to enter into your life have a great affect on who you are. People tend to mirror the people whom they spend time around, so watch who you spend your time with.
11. There really is nothing to fear but fear itself. Imagine all of the things you could have done if you were not afraid to do them. It really is to think back and say, "Wow, I'm happy I did that," rather than, "I wish I did that."
12. It does not matter what people think. If people have to the time to think of and make fun of others, they are the unfortunate ones. Either way, we are all little specs in the spectrum of things. Just know who you are because that is really all that matters. Act like boss, because you are. At least of your own life.
13. Be nice. Smile at somebody (yes, you can do this without being creepy), hold the door for the person behind you (if they don't say :thank you," just let it roll off of your back and be proud of yourself for making a kind gesture), give a sincere compliment (people love to be appreciated and the person will be grateful for the confidence-booster). By giving to others, we are giving to ourselves. When you do kind for others, we automatically feel good too. Now, this is not to say that we should be nice to make ourselves feel better, but that being kind is beneficial to both the giver and the receiver.
2. Smile, hold your shoulders back, stand up tall. Doing these will help you feel more confident and make you look more poised.
3. Say "well," not "good." Speaking properly has a great affect on how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you.
4. Think of something you can learn from everyone you meet. Especially from those who you dislike and have to deal with on a day to day bases. This will make you appreciate others more and there fore make interaction with others more interesting.
5. Everybody has a story so be open minded with others. Talking to other people and hearing others' unique stories can really open up your eyes to exciting ideas towards life. There is a fulfilling feeling that comes with really listening to somebody and learning for him or her.
6. It's always better to be the bigger person. Handle the naughty with class and absolutely never steep to a level below your intelligence.
7. Don't worry TOO much. A little bit of anxiety can be good, but never allow anxiety to take over your life. Just enjoy life and do the best you can.
8. Don't be afraid to take risks. Not the life-threatening ones, but those that make life exciting. Step out of your comfort zone a bit and just see what happens if you do that thing you have been longing to do. For your own fun.
9. Think of every difficult experience as a lesson or blessing in disguise. Try to grow from hardships. You will end up stronger and more confident in your ability to overcome challenges. Hardships come with life, so all you can do is respond to them to them to the best of your ability.
10. Surround yourself with good people. The people you allow to enter into your life have a great affect on who you are. People tend to mirror the people whom they spend time around, so watch who you spend your time with.
11. There really is nothing to fear but fear itself. Imagine all of the things you could have done if you were not afraid to do them. It really is to think back and say, "Wow, I'm happy I did that," rather than, "I wish I did that."
12. It does not matter what people think. If people have to the time to think of and make fun of others, they are the unfortunate ones. Either way, we are all little specs in the spectrum of things. Just know who you are because that is really all that matters. Act like boss, because you are. At least of your own life.
13. Be nice. Smile at somebody (yes, you can do this without being creepy), hold the door for the person behind you (if they don't say :thank you," just let it roll off of your back and be proud of yourself for making a kind gesture), give a sincere compliment (people love to be appreciated and the person will be grateful for the confidence-booster). By giving to others, we are giving to ourselves. When you do kind for others, we automatically feel good too. Now, this is not to say that we should be nice to make ourselves feel better, but that being kind is beneficial to both the giver and the receiver.
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