Let Go Let God

Earlier this week I had an opportunity to attend another amazing @NeveYerushalaim class. We discussed making decisions and dealing with fear of the unknown. 

If nothing is pulling us towards one choice or the other… how are we to know which direction to take? 

The thing though is that we aren’t always meant or expected to know. 

After all, we do not have the ability to know the future or the outcome of everything. 

If something is out of your control or out of range of the tools with which humans are gifted (which does not include telling the future), then it’s not your issue to oversee the outcome. Only to make the best choice possible considering what you know and are capable of in that moment. 

“Let go and let G-d.” 

Funny enough, I first heard this line years ago on the Oprah show. I don’t remember who the guest speaker was and it was kind of random because I didn’t really watching Oprah all that much. But it resonated.

We might think this is limiting. I used to think that it was just making excuses for ourselves. But the more we experience, the more we realize how many things just aren’t up to us. This isn’t about giving up. This is about creating healthy boundaries for ourselves. Not driving ourselves into the ground or living in fear. It’s about facing reality in the most practical way, actually.

We can try our best to stay healthy, but we can’t change our genetics which happen to have a major impact on if we get sick or develop a certain condition. We can work out night and day but our bodies will only change so much depending on how they’re built. We can study as hard as we want, but if we aren’t born geniuses we most likely won’t become that no matter how much we pour ourselves over books. And there is absolutely no way that we will ever be able to know which decisions to make with 100% certainty every time. 

But then again that’s not why we are here… to know everything and have all the answers. Then life wouldn’t be… life. 

And if you do make the wrong decision (which we are all bound to make), then trust that that too will lead you to where you are meant to be. 

What Do We Do In the Face of Evil?

Reading the Aryeh Kaplan Anthology. He touched on some points that are very relevant and got me thinking. This won’t resonate with everyone.

“People must learn how to use knowledge for the good. We have the knowledge to create great societies and make great technological strides, but don’t always have the moral strength to use them for good.”

But why doesn't God intervene?

“As long as He is hidden, we can strive toward Him, and attain the Godly. But we do this as a matter of free choice. If God were to reveal Himself, then people would no longer be able to exist as a free entity.”

What are we to do?

There are people who choose evil, and this is part of the human experience in this world. But you too have the choice to use your free will to choose between right or wrong.

Use your free will, and the blessings that come with that, for good. Choose the righteous path. Stand up against evil. Help others. Do kind deeds. Assist where and when you can. 

At the end of the day we will never be able to entirely eradicate evil or bring on perfect world peace… but we can choose for ourselves how to respond and what energy and values we want to create and share. We can bring more positivity, kindness and good into the world if we so choose. In big and small ways. On personal levels and broader areas of our lives. 

And that is the beauty, despite the times of darkness, of being human. We can choose, with our free will, right over wrong and good over evil. 

You Are Not Perfect

I hate when people say things like, ”You’re perfect just the way you are. Don’t change.” 

Well, you’re not. 

I’m not saying that to hurt anyone’s feeling, to be rude, or to sound negative…

I’m not saying that you aren’t amazing. I’m sure you’re all wonderful people. 

However, we as humans are not perfect, are not meant to be, and never will be. 

Imperfection, actually, is a beautiful thing because it gives us opportunity to grow and develop ourselves.

That doesn’t mean you need to change how you look, your hobbies, your sense of humor. 

It simply means you should seek to develop yourself on a regular basis. 

How can you be kinder, more giving, more confident in yourself and your values?

We need to stop talking about perfection as if it exists. As if it’s something we should strive for.

No. That should not be the goal. And that’s not healthy anyway.

We are here to evolve, grow and CHANGE for the better. 

We are here to improve ourselves and overcome our challenges through knowledge and wisdom. 

Instead of telling each other that we’re perfect and don’t need to change (these are empty words anyway and really don’t actually mean anything), let’s say something more impactful like, “You’re a valuable human being with a lot to offer the world and those around you. You’re focusing on being the best version of yourself and that is a beautiful thing. Keep going.”

The Scary Thing About Reaching Your Dreams

The scary thing about reaching your dreams is reaching your dreams.

It’s no longer, “When I get there, it will be like this or I will be like that…”

Because you’re living the reality of what you alway once could have only imagined.

Will you still sometimes falter? Look like an idiot? Question yourself?

Hell yeah.

Soak it all up, pause to smell the roses… but don’t stop there. 

This isn’t the end.

It’s just the beginning. 

Things To Remember

 Thanks to being quarantined (this from 2 weeks ago), I’ve had the opportunity to listen to tons of awesome podcasts from @impacttheory @womenofimpact and @melrobbins. These are some pointers I wrote down for myself that I think are worth sharing ☺️

🔅 Everything happens for us to help us evolve. We are meant to go through challenges in order to change for the better and grow into the next best versions of ourselves. Stop holding on to who you think you are or who you were before. We are not the same people we were a year ago or five years ago, and that just might be a good thing.
🔅 Just because we see ourselves a certain way, it doesn’t mean others see us that way as well. Our insecurities are magnified in our own minds. 
🔅 Imposter syndrome is something that even some of the most successful people experience.
🔅 Resiliency is a skill that must be l
earned and practiced on a regular basis. 
🔅 Never fail to support and cheer for yourself. You will be more empowered and everything will be easier, faster and more fun 

The Limits of Self Help

I am currently reading “Morality” by the late leading philosopher, theologian and intellectual Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks.  

Sacks posits that the rise in public discourse, identity politics and extremism that have deepened social divisions, the breaking of close family ties, and the seemingly all-pervading influence of social media are due to our loss of a strong, shared moral code and our elevation of self interest over the common good. 
I am only on the second chapter but there are already a multitude of points that he has made that have provided a new and refreshing perspective for me. One of the topics he discusses is that of self help.

Sacks recalled a near-death experience he had several years prior when he almost drowned while vacationing in Italy. He realized at a certain point that he wouldn’t be able to get out of the water alone because it had become too strong for him, and even considered that it might be the end for him. If not for a total stranger, he wouldn’t have made it that day. In that moment, “self help” was a means to only the ultimate end. 

This is obviously an extreme example, but a fair one to make his point:
“If I look back at my life, I discovered that it was always someone else who sent me on a new trajectory. I suspect the same is true for most people. Someone who was there when we needed it, who listened as we poured out our problems, who gave us the encouraging word when we were about to give up, who believed in us more than we believe in ourselves. Or maybe it was actually someone who looked us in the eye and told us the honest truth: that we were self obsessed, that we were wallowing in our motions, that instead of thinking about how to develop the mindset to achieve great things, we should stop reading and start doing. Help, I have found time and time again, comes not from the self, but from others.”

My journey has fostered a strong desire within me to delve into personal development and conditioning. I used to think that I had to do everything myself (and that it had to be hard), but one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that some of the greatest teachers are simply the people around us. And that it is absolutely imperative that I engage myself in the process of learning from those around me. My main example (which I didn’t realize until recently) is my sister, from whom I learned even the most basic skills. I write a lot about anxiety, and social anxiety in particular was something I really struggled with as a kid and teenager. I literally did not know how to be social. I didn’t know how to conduct myself without feeling painfully awkward and uncomfortable. I was able to develop my social skills by studying my sister’s social skills (she was always the social butterfly). So much so that at a certain point people would tell me I had her mannerisms. 

Point is that all of the self help books and google searches in the world couldn’t help me the way that my sister could (and I don’t think she ever even knew it). At a certain point we have to realize that self help is a wonderful tool, but we need more. 

I will close this by bringing this full circle with my previous point about the breaking of personal ties and the increase in public discourse… how much more so can we close this divide if we simply learn to learn from each other. 

There Is No Room to Be Angry About the Struggle

 “As long as you are alive, you are going to experience struggle- and that is okay. Reward yourself for your victories and be honest about your failings. But there is no room to be angry about the struggle itself; that’s how it is meant to be.”

When I read this excerpt in “What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid” by Michal Oshman, who is the head of culture at TikTok Europe and former leadership expert at Facebook, I felt very impacted by it. 

Just like many others, anxiety has always been a majorly present factor in my life. In particular, I have always felt the need to control and understand everything. And if I couldn’t… fear and panic would take over. Over time, I learned to manage and cope. However, I couldn’t truly just let go of needing control over what and how things happen.

There have been several major “aha” moments in my life, and this was one of them. It was one of those moments where all of a sudden so many things made sense, and I couldn’t have come to this understanding and conclusion if not for all of the things that I experienced that I previously could not understand why I had to struggle through them. What a paradox! 

All of a sudden so many things I was constantly questioning their necessity and why they had to happen…. were actually exactly what I needed to come to learn this major lesson in my life that seems to be the key to my understanding it all. In a sense, the answers I have been seeking were hidden within the chaos and confusion itself.

I am even going to be so bold as to claim that the answers ARE the chaos and confusion. How?

Because they are exactly what we need and are meant to experience. Instead of questioning why we go through certain things, we should look at occurrences- both the good and the bad- as direction regarding where we can and need to grow in life… which is what life is all about- constantly evolving. 

What I need to learn and grow through are completely different from others, and vice versa. Which is another reason why comparison to others makes actual zero sense. 

💡The answers are within the questions themselves. You just have to get to that point where you can be a vessel to understand the truth. Meaning, you absolutely must work through the chaos to even be able to understand that which you desire to understand. I have always heard that “things are how they are meant to be” but it sounded so cliche to me. Even though I believe in G-d and that things happen for a reason and everyone has a purpose and particular mission…. I didn’t really internalize  and conceptualize what that meant…. until this moment. 

👉🏻 It’s true that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. For a very long time I had been trying to internalize this message and live by it, but I couldn’t. It didn’t really make sense to me though I felt like it should. But when you can internalize that things are as they are meant to be and so there is really no need to dread or fight the struggle, you can understand that if that is true…. then it only makes sense that everything really does happen for you and not to you because things are supposed to be that certain way (often times for reasons we won’t understand and that’s okay). If xyz are supposed to be part of your life, it’s good that they’re there. Which leads me to my next point. 

🗣 Everything in our lives is here to teach us a lesson, help us grow, and make us who we are supposed to be. I believe I have my particular strengths because I am meant to play a certain role and complete a particular mission in this world. So too for everyone else. 

It’s so simple and undeniably true. 

But not until you can get to the point of understanding it.

And the only way to get there is to work through your own personal struggles and fears and shortcomings (though it sometimes sucks 😢). 

Even when things seem to be complicated, they’re not. They’re simply what they are and we just need to understand that things are meant to be a certain way… and so they will be… and that’s okay. That’s part of our journey. 

Which also made me realize how much I’ve overcomplicated things, though then again I am only human after all 🤷🏻‍♀️. 

And if that’s the case, then the final conclusion is that we are to give up trying to have full control while focusing on what we can change, find the lessons within the struggles so as to learn and grow from them, and simply enjoy life for everything it is and isn’t meant to be. 

There’s nothing to argue or hate or be angry about. 

It quite simply is. 

And there is so much undeniable peace in that. 

———————————

I will conclude this by sharing the serenity prayer, with which I am absolutely obsessed: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”