Humans naturally rate themselves based on how others see them. If others look at us a certain way, there must be something wrong. If people reacted negatively, they must have reacted that way because we said or did something unacceptable or "not normal."
Just earlier this year, I had come to the realization, though I may have a bit slowly, that determining if we are "right" or "proper" as individuals based on others' views, is not only foolish and self-destructive, but also completely lacks any logical reasoning whatsoever.
First off- people are unstable. We all know this. We all have good and bad days, days we are the social butterflies, and days we want to be alone. I realized that whenever I would have a nice conversation with somebody right before the end of the school day, I would feel really happy and accepted, but when I would not have a conversation or have someone smile at me, I would feel as if I had a "bad" day. However, maybe the other person just did not feel like talking (maybe even it was I who wasn't in the mood to strike up a conversation) or didn't even think to have a conversation. Basically, I would rate myself and my day based upon how others acted towards me (or maybe not even towards me, I just took their not speaking to me or coming up to me personally). Well, in case this sounds like you too, stop doing this to yourself. People are people, which leads me to my next point.
We all know we do it too. We all have those moments when we just don't feel like being social or smiling. Now imagine having someone feel sad when you don't smile at them or say hi to them. You would just think that they have an insecurity issue or something of the sort. However, we people tend to feel sensitive towards others actions. Now that we realize how silly it really is, let's stop.
Last point: who cares? Really. I am not trying to be one of those "I don't care about anything, just want to be mature" people, but logically- why determine how to act based on others' perceptions. Just as long as you are friendly and an overall "good" person, you're fine.
So now . . .
1. Realize that all people are different.
2. Realize that you are not the girl giving you a strange look, or the girl who you think is weird. You enjoy different things, have had different experiences, and are clearly . . . well . . . different.
3. Understand that it is OK to be who and how you want to be.
4. Accept yourself and accept others.
5. Do what you feel is right. Nobody likes when people try too hard. Stand your ground, be your own person.
6. Don't lower your standards or act a certain way in order to "fit in". Have self-worth and pride. You most probably won't know these people forever, so do what will make you proud of yourself when you look back one day.
7. Finally, whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.
Love that one.
Hope I helped!
Thanks!!
Comments are welcome!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
How to Get Yourself Focused on Your Dreams so that You Can Just Achieve Them
So . . . I am a dreamer, as I am sure many of you are. When I was younger (4th to 8th grades), I would spend two hours a day on the school bus, every day. One hour in the morning, and the other in the afternoon. During these two hours, I would . . . well . . . dream.
You see, I was a very shy kid. I had started working on overcoming my social anxiety in 7th grade, when I realized that life is all about interacting with other people and that there is no way to escape the interactions that come with day-to-day life. Eventually, however, my mission to overcome shyness had evolved into a mission to become the person I dreamed of being.
This dream of mine had taken me a lot of energy and determination to achieve. Before I could get myself to talk to people, I had to overcome my sensitivity. By sensitivity, I mean crying when somebody gave me a bad look, or not playing with my classmates during recess because I fully believed that all of them did not like me for whatever reasons my little imagination fabricated. So . . . I needed to somehow set my goals straight, make clear to myself what I really wanted to attain. There were a few things that helped me to keep my mission in perspective and part of my everyday life:
1. I made a list. I wrote out a whole bunch of adjectives that I wished to someday exhibit (smart, pretty, funny). I wrote out obvious and unobvious things. I even used people's names (ex: I want to be able to make people laugh like Selena), because I knew that nobody else would ever see this list. I then folded this list, placed it in a glass tube, and dug it in my yard. I decided that I would dig out the letter my senior year of high school, the year that I wished to complete my destination of becoming the person I visualized myself being. Doing this made me want to overcome my fears even more because I set my goal in the form of an object, so to say, and not just in the form of a vision. This also helped me to feel, in a sense, that my dream was "real," waiting for me to just reach it; and that once I reached it, I could just feel proud that I had attained it.
2. I made a dream poster- You may or may not have heard of this idea, but it is definitely practiced. It is a visualization of all of your dreams. Take pictures and words from magazines or wherever else (or draw) that represent your dreams, and paste them onto a poster. Put this poster on your bedroom wall, under your bed, or in your closet. You can hide it so that only you can see it, or you can hang it proud in front of your family somewhere in your house. Super fact- it is better to keep your plans and goals to yourself, because you are more likely to get them done. Telling others what you plan to do, unconsciously makes you feel as if you have already completed those tasks. "Seeing" your dreams helps you to focus on them, and therefore work towards them.
3. I gave myself time to think about my plans- Well, didn't give myself the time, rather had that one hour on the school bus to focus on my goals. Three specific things that I wanted to achieve were to know how to act in different social situations/settings, to be independent and positive about my decisions (straightforward), and to be tough and strong willed as opposed to sensitive. I would imagine myself as the type of person I dreamed of becoming. Doing so would make me want to achieve my goals only more because I would feel happiness and excitement when imagining myself as overcoming my fears and difficulties.
Hopefully you can put these into practice and find them as helpful as I found them!
You see, I was a very shy kid. I had started working on overcoming my social anxiety in 7th grade, when I realized that life is all about interacting with other people and that there is no way to escape the interactions that come with day-to-day life. Eventually, however, my mission to overcome shyness had evolved into a mission to become the person I dreamed of being.
This dream of mine had taken me a lot of energy and determination to achieve. Before I could get myself to talk to people, I had to overcome my sensitivity. By sensitivity, I mean crying when somebody gave me a bad look, or not playing with my classmates during recess because I fully believed that all of them did not like me for whatever reasons my little imagination fabricated. So . . . I needed to somehow set my goals straight, make clear to myself what I really wanted to attain. There were a few things that helped me to keep my mission in perspective and part of my everyday life:
1. I made a list. I wrote out a whole bunch of adjectives that I wished to someday exhibit (smart, pretty, funny). I wrote out obvious and unobvious things. I even used people's names (ex: I want to be able to make people laugh like Selena), because I knew that nobody else would ever see this list. I then folded this list, placed it in a glass tube, and dug it in my yard. I decided that I would dig out the letter my senior year of high school, the year that I wished to complete my destination of becoming the person I visualized myself being. Doing this made me want to overcome my fears even more because I set my goal in the form of an object, so to say, and not just in the form of a vision. This also helped me to feel, in a sense, that my dream was "real," waiting for me to just reach it; and that once I reached it, I could just feel proud that I had attained it.
2. I made a dream poster- You may or may not have heard of this idea, but it is definitely practiced. It is a visualization of all of your dreams. Take pictures and words from magazines or wherever else (or draw) that represent your dreams, and paste them onto a poster. Put this poster on your bedroom wall, under your bed, or in your closet. You can hide it so that only you can see it, or you can hang it proud in front of your family somewhere in your house. Super fact- it is better to keep your plans and goals to yourself, because you are more likely to get them done. Telling others what you plan to do, unconsciously makes you feel as if you have already completed those tasks. "Seeing" your dreams helps you to focus on them, and therefore work towards them.
3. I gave myself time to think about my plans- Well, didn't give myself the time, rather had that one hour on the school bus to focus on my goals. Three specific things that I wanted to achieve were to know how to act in different social situations/settings, to be independent and positive about my decisions (straightforward), and to be tough and strong willed as opposed to sensitive. I would imagine myself as the type of person I dreamed of becoming. Doing so would make me want to achieve my goals only more because I would feel happiness and excitement when imagining myself as overcoming my fears and difficulties.
Hopefully you can put these into practice and find them as helpful as I found them!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Socializing Checklist
These are some things that I like to keep in mind when I go to social events or even just when I am talking to people:
1. Smile- of course this is number one!! Smiling is an invitation for others to approach, and expresses that you are open to meeting new people. Not only will smiling help to attract others, but it will also make you feel more comfortable. Even in an awkward situation, smiling can make you and the other person feel like you are still on good terms.
Note- However, do not smile too much. It is not necessary to continuously smile just to show that you are happy to be speaking to the person. Sometimes it is better to just listen and keep making eye contact.
2. Make eye contact- so many times I notice others quickly glancing, smiling, and then looking away. This kind of eye contact will not give you a good connection with another person, and will make it seem that you are insecure and\or are not interested in the other person. Making eye contact for at least two seconds shows confidence and interest.
Note- Make sure to smile lightly while making eye contact. Not smiling will give the other person the opposite message. Also, don't stare. While talking to the person, it is alright to look to the side of the person to formulate thoughts. Just make sure to not be looking to the ground or above the person's head, or constantly to the person's side. I've seen all three cases . . . you do not want to make these mistakes!
3. Slow down- a lot of people like to talk quickly and run to people so that they could quickly hug them and say something to make themselves seem super interested and excited. If you are not meeting with your friends, but acquaintances (people that you're supposed to be excited about or hug), slowing down can give you time to think of what to say and how to act in the social situation. Give a big sincere smile, slowly come up to the person, and give them a fair-lengthed hug. Talk slowly, rather than, "oh my gosh! How are you? It's so nice to see! I haven't seen you in so long! How is everything ?"
When I say slowly, I don't mean creepy slowly, like you're being fake, but just slow enough that you're walking towards the person and speaking in a regular paced- tone.
Other situations in which acting slowly can make you seem more confident are when someone calls your name and you have to turn around to see him or her, when walking in the school hallway or anywhere else where there are many people, and . . .well . . . always, basically.
4. Speak to the other person with the intent of learning something- every person is a book with a story. If you have sincere interest in learning something from\ about everybody, conversing with other people will be more interesting and easy. Don't ask too many questions, but just enough to keep the conversation flowing. Also, don't just ask for the sake of asking. Ask questions that actually interest you- you can always find something!
5. Don't be afraid to use your sense of humor- just be yourself, don't try too hard to be funny. Say light jokes, not ones that might be offensive or may not be understandable to the specific person with whom you are speaking.
I hope these help! I will add new pointers if I think of any more!
1. Smile- of course this is number one!! Smiling is an invitation for others to approach, and expresses that you are open to meeting new people. Not only will smiling help to attract others, but it will also make you feel more comfortable. Even in an awkward situation, smiling can make you and the other person feel like you are still on good terms.
Note- However, do not smile too much. It is not necessary to continuously smile just to show that you are happy to be speaking to the person. Sometimes it is better to just listen and keep making eye contact.
2. Make eye contact- so many times I notice others quickly glancing, smiling, and then looking away. This kind of eye contact will not give you a good connection with another person, and will make it seem that you are insecure and\or are not interested in the other person. Making eye contact for at least two seconds shows confidence and interest.
Note- Make sure to smile lightly while making eye contact. Not smiling will give the other person the opposite message. Also, don't stare. While talking to the person, it is alright to look to the side of the person to formulate thoughts. Just make sure to not be looking to the ground or above the person's head, or constantly to the person's side. I've seen all three cases . . . you do not want to make these mistakes!
3. Slow down- a lot of people like to talk quickly and run to people so that they could quickly hug them and say something to make themselves seem super interested and excited. If you are not meeting with your friends, but acquaintances (people that you're supposed to be excited about or hug), slowing down can give you time to think of what to say and how to act in the social situation. Give a big sincere smile, slowly come up to the person, and give them a fair-lengthed hug. Talk slowly, rather than, "oh my gosh! How are you? It's so nice to see! I haven't seen you in so long! How is everything ?"
When I say slowly, I don't mean creepy slowly, like you're being fake, but just slow enough that you're walking towards the person and speaking in a regular paced- tone.
Other situations in which acting slowly can make you seem more confident are when someone calls your name and you have to turn around to see him or her, when walking in the school hallway or anywhere else where there are many people, and . . .well . . . always, basically.
4. Speak to the other person with the intent of learning something- every person is a book with a story. If you have sincere interest in learning something from\ about everybody, conversing with other people will be more interesting and easy. Don't ask too many questions, but just enough to keep the conversation flowing. Also, don't just ask for the sake of asking. Ask questions that actually interest you- you can always find something!
5. Don't be afraid to use your sense of humor- just be yourself, don't try too hard to be funny. Say light jokes, not ones that might be offensive or may not be understandable to the specific person with whom you are speaking.
I hope these help! I will add new pointers if I think of any more!
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