The World Is But A Reflection

I recently recalled an experience I had one day before Covid that taught me a lesson in an interesting way. I had come early to my school campus to get some work done. At some point during my studying I found myself looking out the window, spacing out and wondering if the whole doctorate path was worth it for me. At the time I really wasn’t so sure about it and kind of even felt it was becoming a burden of an expectation that I had on myself. 

I noticed that the building across the street constantly had a ton of people entering and leaving. From what I could see they were wearing suits and carrying suitcases, and so I figured it was probably the law school. I then started to think about how much it must suck to have to walk around in a suit all day and come in so early and deal with all those cases. They looked like robots, so ordered and timely and rigid. For a moment I visualized them sitting with a pile of papers at their desks or sitting in on a court case. I imagined how unhappy they all must be, thinking they are striving for what they THINK will make them happy (as if they had to be made happy) to be so willing to spend their time- their lives- in that way. (As if I knew what it was even all about... clearly I was making false assumptions and conclusions in my mind without any context whatsoever). 

As time went on I started to realize that I was only thinking that way because I was reflecting what I saw and making conclusions based off of my own feelings at that time. There I was also coming in early to do work, wearing scrubs, and spending my energy doing something challenging and HARD.

But then I realized that it didn’t have to be hard like that. Not if I enjoyed it and found it to be rewarding. If I was going to look at this choice the way I was, then it would just make me unhappy and everyone else around me according to me would also be unhappy. 

Many times what we see in others is what is going on in ourselves. I had heard of this idea before but never actually understood it.

Those people might love what they do and not even mind the suits, just as despite it being challenging I know today that I love what I do and am proud to wear scrubs (and one day a white coat 😊). I’ve come to find that purpose and passion in it for myself (those that started me on this journey in the first place), and the rewarding feeling being able to walk this path. It took me time to get to that point, and I knew that if I didn’t I’d have to make a switch real fast. It was like an epiphany that lasted 2 minutes but felt like an hour long.

Many times we don’t give our thoughts and feelings enough attention. We don’t sit with them and study them and ask why we think or feel something. And I actually think that being able to do just that can lead us towards our personal truth and path. 🔐