All of this, and also other stressful situations... have sort of caused me to lose my focus- trying to be the best person and grow internally. I don't know why, but I am always so in tune with my behavior and am so focused on a certain way of being.. and I get overwhelmed and frustrated when I fall out of line. No one is perfect and there are ALWAYS going to be these phases of needing to get yourself back on track.
I was just sitting in my room, feeling totally unmotivated and sluggish- when I decided to write a blog post. I was going to type something I wrote a month ago, but then I was looking over some notes and decided to write about this today because it applies to how I am currently feeling.
Whenever I think of something clever or hear interesting ideas... I always write them down. I know that I will be able to use whatever wisdom at some point in my life. I was looking through some notes I wrote and decided to focus on three major ideas when tackling these "fuzzy" phases in my life.
Define yourself by what you can control- your growth and decisions
I often become overwhelmed by so many things that are out of my control. Everyone does. We get stressed about other people, different situations that we could or could not avoid, not getting what we feel we deserve or that we worked for... and then just a bunch of random daily little ridiculously insignificant moments.
The best way to stay focused through all of these aspects of life is to remember that you are defined not by what other people think of you or how they treat you... or by what happens to you or the cards you have been dealt... but rather, you are defined by how you treat others, how you respond to situations in your life, and the amount you grow as a person. These are all things you can control, and so are worthy of helping you determine how you are doing.
I got into an argument with someone the other day. The reason I got upset is that this person happens to be late for scheduled times even when I am adamant about her needing to be on time. I was upset about her being late yet again and so expressed my frustration to someone else. This said person who is often late was not supposed to see the message I sent to the other person, but she and now an argument has ensued. I thought: I am going to confront the annoying person who shared my message, and I will wait for an apology from the person who was initially the reason I was upset...
Though I do believe both of these people were wrong for acting the ways they did and that I do deserve an apology... I feel somewhat bad for what I said about said person even though nothing I said was a lie. Because even though someone else did something wrong and they probably deserved to have certain things said about them, it was I who acted in a manner that I a not proud of. I am unhappy about the way I reacted... and this is because I know however I respond to certain situations is in my control and my wrongdoing... not another's.
This is how I try to look at situations and how I respond to them... that I am defined by how I act, not someone else's actions. I think that one of the reasons I have been feeling the way I do, is because I have been focusing on the wrong things. I need to concern myself with what I can control and decisions that I can make.
"Pride is concerned with who is right; humity is concerned with what is right."
With all new things flooding my way, I remind myself that change is not always bad. More importantly, the ability to change is of extreme importance. Even having a desire to change is necessary because change allows for us to grow and introduces excitement into our lives. I try to remember this concept when attempting to establish post-graduation plans. Should I stay home where I already have food in the fridge and everything being paid for (thanks mom and dad) or take the (exciting and scary) risk of moving closer to my friends and new opportunities in the city? I am strongly considering this move because I feel the need for change... however, actually changing is the hard part. Being able to do something different and not take the easy way out is an important skill. I have realized that I feel happier when I create change in myself or my environment. And so it is change that I am focusing on and not the absence of fear, when trying to decide what is the right thing to do and what will make me happy.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."- Meg Cabot, The Princess Diaries
We are all going to die anyway
It is sometimes scary to put yourself out there and try new things. You don't always know if you will fail or if other people will judge you negatively. You don't know if you will make a fool out of yourself. I think putting yourself out there is exciting, it makes you different than the average Joe Shmo, and that it honestly doesn't matter in the spectrum of things. I know this concept is a bit belittling, but come on. In all honesty (I mean, you know), we are all going to die one day and all that will remain in this world is our legacy. Also, no one will remember the embarrassing or akward things you did if they are dead. You won't remember either. And if there is anything they want to remember, it definitely won't be something negative about you. The concept of death makes us all vulnerable and somewhat on the same level at the end of the day. We are all people our own insecurities, fears and dreams... which some us will folllow and achieve while others won't. Who would you rather be?
"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most improtant tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in my life. Almost everything- all external expectations, all pride, all fears of embarrassment or failure- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."- Steve Jobs
Well, that's all for today. I hope you were able to gain something from this post. Feel free to share your opinions and experiences.