A Lesson learned-Putting Your Problems Into Perspective

We all hear and know that we are supposed to "appreciate what we have" and remember that "others have it worse than we do."

Now, this isn't to say that we shouldn't dream big dreams or push ourselves as hard as we have been to be the best that we can be and make the most of our lives. Rather, it is important to remember these sayings so that we acknowledge what we have as we continue on our journey to happiness and self-fulfillment. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am a stubborn person who has a hard time accepting failure. If I feel that I worked and pushed myself to the best of my ability to attain something that I can't seem to reach, then I automatically get angry. 

This is the case, of course, with all people. Humans by nature want to feel important and successful. We want to achieve something, and so we get upset when we are faced with an obstacle.

Well, I do indeed have difficulties and obstacles. We all do. This weekend, however, I learned (and maybe it may seem that I learned pretty late, and maybe you think that this is obvious) that other people truly have worse difficulties and obstacles than I do. 


At my school, seniors have to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting for a grade. That was fine. That was cool with me. I would show up, listen, get a pamphlet, have it signed, and leave. No big deal. Just an hour. 

I walked into the room where the meeting was held, all the while keeping my eyes glued to the floor. I sat in the front of the room, next to an older lady who had begun to speak about her addiction and how her life was turning out after she became sober. Next, the leader of the meeting spoke and then another older woman. Basically, somebody would introduce him or herself, speak about whatever they wanted to talk about, and then thank everybody else for listening to them. 

The room was silent as we waited for somebody else to introduce themselves and talk about their current situation. A girl from the back of the room introduced herself to the room. I turned around to notice that the entire back of the room was filled with other kids who go to my school. I did not know any of them personally, but we recognized each other. After this girl spoke, three of the other kids decided to speak. 

My gratitude had been smacked back into place. 

Some of the things that I heard:

Father was in jail. She asked why. Doesn't know if she should continue asking.

Uncle was an alcoholic. Father felt suicidal. She had to support the person who should have been supporting her.

Loss of a father. Never got to meet him. Has to go to prom without her father. Has to get married without her father. Was assaulted in a horrible way. 

The room was silent. I turned around and looked at my dad sitting next to me, and then at the floor. 

I thought to myself, "How could I be so selfish? My mom asks me to do a favor and I get annoyed. Even though I carry out her request, I still think to myself that I could be spending my time in a better way. I don't do as well on a test as I expect to do and I feel that life is unfair."

I wanted to say something about my own life and difficulties. I thought about speaking about overcoming anxiety and shyness, and recommending to the others that they recite the serenity prayer every day just as I do. I realized, though, that my problems come nowhere in comparison to the difficulties that those people are facing. 

I am lucky to have been able to overcome my struggle all on my own, to save myself from regretting a life of fear. I am lucky that I wasn't born into problems that led to more problems. I am lucky for so many reasons. 

I listed out my difficulties in my head: I am not a straight-A student, I am nervous about college, and I am afraid that I will be a "nobody".

I wouldn't even dare to say those things in front of those people because they would take them as a joke. Some of these people lost their jobs, marriages, honor, and money. Many of these people would scoff at my problems because they and I would both realize that all I'm saying is that my life is not perfect and that everything isn't handed to me on a silver plate. 

We all sat there in silence, listening to the sobs of those who were crying. Then a boy on the other side of the room introduced himself. I turned around to see one of my former classmates. I had probably exchanged only about two words with him over the course of the semester when we were together. He made eye contact with me before he confessed that he likes to hurt himself sometimes and that he is bullied. 

I started to cry. 
I'm not one to cry in front of others and, of course, am aware that there are man people who do the same thing as he does for the same reason that he has. 
I have seen all of these people, but I never really SAW them. Their pain, fear, hardships. There are so many of these people with hidden secrets and dark pasts. 

And I'm not one of them. 

I know that this sounds like just another experience and another story of someone who has been inspired, but imagine sitting in a room with a bunch of your acquaintances and suddenly discovering the truth that lies behind their exterior. 

There are so many of those stories. 
If you have such a story, I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I hope you win the fight.

As for the rest of us, let's remember to always put our problems into perspective and never let life's challenges get the best of us. 

Thanks and good luck.

Something to Think About

In a previous post, I had briefly mentioned the importance of not allowing others' behaviors to affect our conduct and emotions. 

I feel that it is really important to write a post about the topic of mirroring those with whom we spend our time with, because I see this behavior not only in others, but also in myself. 

Let me explain what I mean by "mirroring those with whom we spend our time with": many of us have somebody (lets call this person X) that we are not most fond of, but still tend to spend time with him or her. In my situation, I realized at one point that I began acting like and treating others in a similar way that X was acting and treating me at times. When I was near this person, I would tend to not be as nice to the other people around me (especially to those who I actually liked), in comparison to when I wasn't near her. 

I was frustrated when I noticed this about myself because I myself dislike and feel aggravated when others act differently because of somebody else. I notice sometimes that I can have a great time when I am with somebody, but that person's attitude towards me can change when they are with somebody else who isn't as friendly. 

What I learned at the time of my realization of my tendency to change my attitude because of this person, X, was that I should never allow somebody else's negative traits and rude demeanor to make me feel as if it is alright to act like they do. I should never feel intimidated or inclined to not be as nice to others just because this person is not as friendly with me (or others, in certain cases). 

If this person doesn't act like a friend all the time, then, instead of treating others half-heartedly in relationships, I should, on the other hand, be more sensitive and aware about treating others whole-heartedly. If I know how it feels to have somebody not treat me with complete respect, then I should be careful to treat others with complete respect. 

Basically, make sure that you stay true to yourself when making friends and dealing with different types of people. Don't spend your time with people who bring out the worst in you and make it seem like it is alright to not be as friendly as you would like others to be towards you.