I write this blog post as I sit on a plane from Barcelona to Miami. I am
coming from Israel, where I spent a week and a half on a religious learning
program. I don’t really know how to organize all of my thoughts and experiences
so that they can be presented as coherent ideas, so I’m going to write them all
in this single blog post. I honestly don’t think I can do my thoughts and
feelings justice through writing, but I will try my best to convey them as best
I can.
Though
I have only been gone for a week and a half, I feel like I was in some kind of
alternate universe for a much longer period of time. I’ll explain:
This
program I had the privilege to be a part of was based in Jerusalem, Israel. We
were a group of 8 girls from all over the United States- Georgia, New York, Miami,
New Jersey, D.C., etc. I was looking forward to this program for two reasons:
- To come back to Israel.
- To grow as a person, which is the overall aim of this program- to take driven young adults and give them the tools to use their full potential.
I
had done the pre-req to this program a year and a half ago (the last time I was
in Israel). A
lot has changed (as you know if you have read my previous posts) since the last
time I was on such a program. My mindset, knowledge, environment, and friend
group have evolved tremendously.
But
there was one aspect that I had not known would have such an effect on me. The
people that I have met on this program have been an experience in and of
itself. In a week and a half I have met and become close with people who I
would like to call my long-term friends. What was so special about these
people? Their commitment to growing and evolving as people, their drive to
stand out even when their goals and ambitions are not supported by the people
who should be supporting them the most- Not to mention their genuine outlook
towards life and just simply being genuine people.
I
tend to be really hard on myself and often feel like I’m not doing enough in
life and that I don’t really have anything to be truly proud of. But during one
of our morning classes, as I sat at a table with these wonderful people, I
realized that I must be somewhat of their caliber if I am on this program with
them. I don’t write this to brag
or just to say that I’m cool or smart or etc. I’m writing this because this
realization deeply affected me and I think there is a deeper implication that
others can learn from as well. Well actually there are several things:
- Surround yourself with people who hold character traits you would like to possess. We tend to grow off of the people we spend the most amount of time with.
- Look around yourself. Who are your friends? What are they like? The people whom you surround yourself with and choose as your friends say a lot about you and tell others a lot about you.
- Put things into perspective. As in, don't be so hard on yourself if have your head in the right direction and are setting goals for yourself. Just because you’re not doing something in relation to your goals every minute or even day of your life, that does not mean that you aren’t worthy of feeling proud of yourself and comfortable with where you are at this point in your life.
- Sometimes it takes a completely new environment and set of people to make you realize where and who you are, and what you stand for. For example, being removed from my regular group of friends and people who I usually hang out with, and into an environment of completely new people whose goals and values resonate with mine… reminded me of what I truly value and how I really would like to be. Like I mentioned in my previous blog post, this semester was my first at a new school and basically, everything from the environment to the people is really different from that of my old school. This is really a very nonspecific example because I don’t want to go into too many details, but the point is it isn’t exactly the environment that is conducive to the values I have always stood by.
There
is another major thought/realization I had about people on this trip. Basically,
Israeli people intimidate me. They’re really tough and could be really rude. So
to mask my intimidation and (I’ll admit it- fear) I put on a serious, straight
face and treated them with the same rude and impatient demeanor. But I
hated doing this. I know they don’t feel a hatred towards me and that they
would be of help if I needed it (people in Israel won’t hold the bus for you
and will shove you without an apology if you’re in their way, but if you get
lost and ask someone for directions or if you get hurt and are in need of
assistance- they’ll stop everything for you). People really do take care of
each other- but just throw in some tough love as well.
And
ESPECIALLY, it is important to treat every person kindly. This may seem obvious
and sound childish, but I understand this now more than ever before. Just
yesterday, there was a terrorist attack in Jerusalem. 4 people were murdered.
People my age. They were standing at a popular tourist attraction when a truck
driver ran them over as they were standing by their bus. I was just in Fort
Lauderdale, where there was a shooting. I had three friends going through that
airport that day. My best friend’s cousin, several of my family members and I
were leaving the next day as well. My friend’s cousin was there when it
occurred, my friend’s flight was delayed an hour thank G-d because otherwise
she would have been at the airport when the shooting occurred. I was supposed
to be at the airport that day, but my sister and I had decided to leave the
next day. Point is- anything can happen to anybody at any time. We don’t know.
Those 20 year olds murdered yesterday in Israel were people I know. Yes, I have
friends that age who live in Israel. I KNOW those people. They're every other
person I know. Just people like me, thinking about what 20 year olds think
about. One of the people hit by the truck (who survived, thank G-d) I actually
had met last summer. He was my tour guide for a day. Nobody would think that a
year and a half later, he would almost lose his life. Everyone is in the same
boat- trying to get by and live life. Let’s treat each other kindly.
Furthermore,
this time around in Israel I really made sure to make it my own. If you keep up
with my blog, then you know that I started it to share how I had overcome
anxiety (specifically social anxiety). However, anxiety is something everyone
has in one form or another. And it’s totally normal (A Response To A Friend Regarding Overcoming Anxiety). I actually wrote about
how my anxiety had gotten in my way last time I visited Israel (Negative Experience? Maybe You Needed It). Well, it
was getting in my way again. All of my friends were going out on their own to
see their friends or just to do whatever they wanted. Meanwhile, I was too
afraid to step out the apartment on my own. I had been in Israel for two months
last summer and travelled alone to my internship everyday. I knew the area
around where I was staying. I could get to the supermarket and center of town. I
could even get to Tel Aviv if I wanted to. Why was I so afraid? I love this
country so much, yet I’m afraid of it? I couldn’t stand it. I so badly wanted
to let it go and escape my fear, but I always made some excuse in my head.
One
of my best friends was coming to the Western Wall and so I told her I would meet
her there. I made sure I had enough money for the bus and light rail, and left
without giving myself time to make excuses. I hopped onto the bus, bought
myself some more rides (conversation with the bus driver was a bit of a fix,
but it worked out), jumped onto the light rail right before it left and walked
the 15 minutes from my stop through the Old City of Jerusalem and to the wall. Let
me tell you, it was the most liberating feeling EVER.
I
felt like I had freed myself from my captive (which is myself, really). I felt
like I was in my favorite movie. It felt like everything was 3D, or animated .
. . surreal almost. And I was so damn happy. I loved not being part of a group.
I loved the independence. Up until then I was sitting on buses looking out the window,
wondering about what these people were like and what it was like to be one of
them. And here I was being one of them (almost). When I spoke to or made eye
contact with someone else, it was my interaction. It was I and not my group or
my friends. I only came to love the country and the people even more.
Point
is- get out of your comfort zone. Don’t tell yourself it will be easy or that
it will go well. Just do it. The universe was telling me this. One of the
people I met on my trip and who I have become friends with, had travelled all
over Europe by herself. She is my age. It is so inspiring to me. Then in
Florida, while I was making the decision whether or not to go parasailing, I
met another woman who had travelled the entire world by herself. She said you
can live a life of safety and have it be boring, or go out there and live a
life of excitement and make the most out of it. I then went parasailing 😊.
Once
you free yourself of your own chains, life becomes so much more beautiful and
REAL. I only want to go back to Israel and be even more independent and I can’t
wait for the opportunity to do it!
What
else have I learned??
So
much.
- Learn, learn, learn. There is so much to learn. About the world, about people, different ways of life, etc. So much.
- The American life is truly a life of luxury and you don’t realize it until you leave the country.
- There are people who know how to think and those who don’t. Simply put. Open up your mind. Do things that other people aren’t. Question whether there might be something more or different. Then find those things.
- People are an experience. Get to know others. They will surprise you. People are not always open books. Almost never, actually.
- Delve into the negative and repeat that which you want to stop doing- until you become so tired and hateful of it that you don’t even have to try to overcome it because you just will. Example: I was afraid of being alone and so I let myself have this fear and let the frustration grow on me, until it came to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and did that which I was afraid to do in order to keep my sanity. I know- weird example. But not forcing myself or making myself feel bad for not being independent, actually led to me forcing myself out of it without trying because I was just so tired of being scared. Same with social media- I was getting obsessed with it. So much so that wherever I went all I thought about was what picture I was going to post onto Instagram. I knew I was being immature, but all I wanted was another picture to post on to my account. So I let myself be obsessed… and I naturally came to the point where I had enough and got tired of it on my own. I don't know if this would work in every case, but it sure does for many.
And
lastly (though most definitely not least)- being grateful.
Being grateful for the experience, the opportunity, the people, the
place, the good and the bad. I thank G-d and my parents for this experience. I
have grown tremendously and couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my
winter break.
To
learning and opening up our minds.